TITLE: Some By Virtue Fall AUTHOR: Circe Invidiosa E-MAIL: cinvidiosa@yahoo.ca WEB PAGE: http://www.invidiosa.com/circe/index.html SPOILERS: up to Dead/Alive RATING: PG CLASSIFICATION: missing scenes ARCHIVING: Yours for the asking. DISCLAIMER: No matter how you look at it, it's infringement, but I still don't own the characters or the show, and I'm still not making $ from them. ACKNOWLEDGEMENT: Thanks to Carol and Monkeychop for the betas, and to Helen Quilley for the encouragement. SUMMARY: She's her mother, after all. ------ Let us believe that pure thoughts, brave words and generous deeds can never die. Let us believe that they bear fruit and add forever to the well-being of the human race. Let us believe that a noble, self-denying life increases the moral wealth of man, and gives assurance that the future will be grander than the past. -- Robert Ingersoll ------ Margaret sat glaring at her daughter as Dana stood before her, staring at the floor and twisting a tissue in her hands. For a moment, Maggie saw the teenager she had caught smoking her cigarettes on the back porch all those years ago. "Please, Mom, I can't talk about this right now," Dana said. "You can't talk about this?" Maggie asked incredulously, "I just helped you bury your partner. Your friend! *My* friend! And now you drop this bombshell that you're pregnant? Three years ago, we stood in Bill's kitchen and you told me that you couldn't have children. And now you say you can't talk about this?" "I just...I wanted you to know." "You want me to know, but you don't tell me anything. Do you understand how frustrating this is? How is this wanting me to know?" Dana looked pleadingly at her mother. "It's not like that, Mom. I swear, I'm not trying to cut you out. I...I couldn't tell anyone -- " "Not even your own mother? Who could you tell besides me? Mr. Skinner? And that new partner of yours, I'll bet he even knows before me. Just how long have you been keeping this from me?" "I wasn't keeping it from you! I called you the day after I found out, but you weren't in, and things happened so quickly after that. There just wasn't a right time." "When was this?" "The day after Mulder disappeared." Maggie hadn't expected that. She dropped down to the couch with a sigh. "That was nearly four months ago, Dana." Her voice had lost its fury. She closed her eyes and held her head in her hands. She didn't see Dana kneel down in front of her until she felt her head resting on her lap. "I'm sorry, Mom. I wanted to be sure --" Sobs cut off whatever else Dana was trying to say. Maggie's hand trailed down and stroke Dana's hair. "I've said it before, Dana; I don't want to be kept in the dark." "I know, Mom, but believe me when I tell you that it was necessary. I just don't know how to explain it." Dana whispered. "Then tell me. I don't understand all this secrecy, Dana." "I want to." "Just answer my questions." "It's not that simple, Mom." Maggie pulled Dana up and wiped her tear streaked face. "Of course it is! Just tell me how this came to be." Dana's eyes cast downwards. "I don't know." "Dana, I know it's a miracle, but you're not the Virgin Mary. You must have known how it happened." "It's complicated." Maggie's grip on Dana's arms tightened. "God damn it, Dana! I think I deserve to know! At least tell me who the father is! Don't I have the right to know the identity of my grandchild's father?" Dana shook her head. "I don't have a good enough answer for that yet." "What the hell is that supposed to mean?" "I can't...I can't, Mom. I'm sorry. I've gotta go." Dana took her mother's hand and stood up. "Fine." Margaret shook her daughter's hand from her own and crossed her arms. "Go. Running away is what you do best. You just call me when you run into some sense." Dana sat beside her mother, grasping her arm. "Please, Mom. Don't be like this. I'm going to need you. I need you now." "I thought you had to go." She turned away so that she wouldn't see Dana's reaction. She wasn't going to let her break down her resolve again. She could feel Dana let go of her arm and rise from the couch, and heard her pick up her coat and walk towards the doorway. "I *will* call you," Dana said as she walked out the front door. Only when she heard her daughter's car pull away did she let the teardrops fall. --------- Maggie would have insisted on being there even if Dana hadn't asked her. But it wasn't only for Dana's sake; it was for hers too. She got the call in the middle of the night. She wasn't accustomed to these at-all-hours calls, but she knew who it was -- or, at least, who it was about. These days, Dana seldom called just to check in and chat. After the cancer scare, she thought that she and Dana would be closer than ever. Her daughter had opened up to her in a whole new way. But she fell back into her old patterns when she went back to work. And there was that whole business with that child, Emily, a situation she still didn't understand. Within a matter of days she was told she had a granddaughter by her dead daughter, then by her barren daughter who had no recollection of having the child, and then she was expected to mourn this little girl she barely even saw, while celebrating the birth of her grandson. To say that their relationship was strained after that was being kind. Dana had been isolating herself even more since Fox disappeared. Maggie thought it was the stress of his disappearance and the search for him that was keeping her preoccupied. She'd remind herself of that when Dana would forget to call her back. She'd heard how the bond between partners in law enforcement could be. She'd even witnessed it herself on the rare occasions that she'd seen Fox and Dana together. She tried to understand. Maggie groggily picked up the receiver. "Hello?" "Mom. It's me." Maggie barely recognized the voice as Dana's. Concern quickly replaced sleepiness. "Dana, honey, where are you? What's wrong?" "Everything." Maggie could hear a long ragged breath before Dana spoke again. "He's gone." "Who's gone, Dana?" She would later believe that she knew exactly who her daughter was talking about. "Mulder. We found his body. He's dead." Maggie sat straight up in bed, fully awake. "My God. Dana, are you sure?" "I was too late, Mom. I couldn't do anything. I couldn't bring him back." "It's okay, baby. Don't blame yourself. You can't --" Dana interrupted her. "I...I have to make arrangements, Mom. I need your help." "Anything, sweetie." But anything wouldn't bring him back. She was useless to her daughter right now. She couldn't even put her arms around her. Instead she tried to get Dana to talk to reassure herself that if she was talking, she was still okay. She managed to get Dana to give her a cursory account of what had happened and what would happen. All that mattered was that her daughter would be home tomorrow to make arrangements. She asked Maggie to make some initial phone calls before she got back. Maggie understood why Dana needed her to do this. She had done it before. Sleep was next to impossible after that phone call. Maggie's mind ran from why Fox was in Montana to wondering if she should tell the family about Dana's loss. By the time her alarm clock went off, she was relieved to not have to lie there and pretend that she would get back to sleep eventually. At a reasonable hour in the morning, Maggie called the funeral home in Raleigh where Fox was to be buried. The funeral director gave her a list of what would happen and what was needed. He asked if there were any special requests, but Maggie didn't know. Dana hadn't mentioned anything. She couldn't imagine Dana and Fox talking about it, but then there was a lot she couldn't imagine with about Dana and Fox. Hours later, after returning from the airport, Maggie found herself sitting with her daughter and Walter Skinner at Dana's kitchen table. Dana sat staring at the table. Maggie wasn't even sure she was listening to her as she went over the list of information she had gathered from the funeral director. As she went over each point, she would ask if it was okay to make sure Dana was still following. The whole time Walter watched his agent with concern, occasionally placing his hand over her hands. Maggie wondered if her daughter could see how plainly this man cared for her. Maggie came to her last point. "The minister wants to know if anyone will be doing a eulogy or some readings." Walter spoke up. "I'll do the eulogy." Maggie turned to her daughter and asked, "Dana, honey, won't you be speaking?" Margaret caught Dana's weary eyes for a brief moment, but they moved back to the table before she answered, "I'm all out of words." Margaret watched Walter's hand squeeze Dana's again. "Well, that's all I have for now," Maggie said, trying to change the subject. She stood arranging the notes she had made. Walter also stood and announced that he should go. He looked down at Dana, who still sat motionless, staring at the table. He put his hand on her shoulder and she looked up at him. "Get some rest, Agent Scully. That's an order." Maggie saw him to the door. As he was putting on his coat, Walter whispered to her, "Make sure she eats. She hasn't had very much in the last couple of days, and she really needs to keep her strength up. Especially now, as I'm sure you know." Maggie nodded. "Of course." She felt a sting from his words, as though somehow she was responsible for the condition her daughter was in now. She locked the door behind him. She turned to find Dana was moving to her bedroom. Maggie called to her. "Sweetie, do you want anything to eat? I can heat up some soup." Before Dana answered, the phone started to ring. She didn't even look back at her mother. As she disappeared into her bedroom, she said, "Get that please, Mom. Whoever it is, I'm not available." Maggie dashed over to the phone and answered it. A man's voice asked, "Agent Scully?" Maggie replied, "No, I'm sorry. This isn't Dana. She can't come to the phone right now." The stranger asked, "Is this Mrs. Scully?" "Yes," she answered with surprise. "This is John Doggett. I've been working with your daughter for the last few months. I was calling to make sure she got in from the airport okay. How is she?" Maggie had heard the name before. His name came up whenever Dana called to tell her she was going out of town on a case. She'd told her that this Agent Doggett was supposed to help her find Fox. Fat lot of good he did, she thought. Didn't anyone tell him that he was supposed to find him alive? "Hello? Mrs. Scully? You still there?" Agent Doggett's voice cut through her thoughts. "She's as well as can be expected." Maggie's voice unwillingly took on an edge. "Yeah. I understand. I'm really glad you're there with her. She needs people with her, especially now. I just need to let her know a few details before we go to Raleigh --" Maggie interrupted him. "Raleigh? You're going too?" "It's the least I can do, ma'am." It seems you've already done the least you could do, Maggie thought. She said, "Well, I'll be sure to tell her you called." She pulled the phone away from her ear and pressed 'End' despite the protests she could hear coming from the voice on the receiver. She switched the ringer volume off and placed the phone back in its cradle. There was no way she was going to let anyone disturb her little girl tonight. She moved through the apartment, turning off lights and picking up stray items. When she was satisfied, she headed for the bedroom, hoping to find Dana asleep. Dana was sitting on the edge of her bed, facing away from the door. "Who was it, Mom?" she asked without turning around. "No one important," Maggie replied as she came around the bed and sat beside her daughter. She took Dana's hands in her own. They were cold, but she managed to squeeze her mother's hands back, giving Maggie some hope. "Do you want to talk about it, honey?" Dana shook her head. "I just want to be alone right now, Mom, if you don't mind." "I don't think that's a good idea. Why don't you come and stay with me for now until we go to Raleigh?" "Mom, you don't have to go --" Dana began to protest. "Dana, I was really hoping we wouldn't have to argue about this. I want to go. I knew Fox. I considered him my friend and he was important to you --" "Oh God..." Dana moaned. She put her head in her hands. Maggie pulled her daughter to her. "Dana? Baby, what is it? Is it something I said?" She felt Dana take a deep breath and pull away from her. In less than an instant, Dana composed herself. "It's not your fault. I'm sorry. I guess I just wasn't ready to hear him talked about in the past tense." "Oh sweetie." Maggie sympathetically rubbed Dana's back trying to soothe her. "I'm sorry about that, Mom. I didn't mean that you shouldn't go. I just...I want...I can't even think. I'm sorry." "You can stop saying you're sorry. Okay? Now how about coming to stay with me?" "No, I'd rather be here in case..." she trailed off as if trying to reason out her excuses. "I don't know why. I'd just rather be here." "All right. Don't worry about anything. I took your suit and coat to the cleaners, so that will be ready tomorrow. I can even pick it up for you if you like. I tidied up a bit. I haven't told any of the family yet what's going on. You know how Bill is, and Charlie -- well, I'd be lucky to even get Charlie's answering machine these days. But I'm going to have to tell them something about why I'm going away. Are you sure you don't want anything? Maybe you should at least try to eat something. You haven't had a thing since the airport, and Mr. Skinner said you hadn't eaten much the last --" Dana interrupted, "Mom, please just stop. Food is not going to make everything better." Maggie sat back. "I'm trying to help, Dana." Dana winced. "I'm sorry. I'm really glad you were here today. I know I haven't said that. I couldn't have done this without you. It's just been a really long, hard day..." Her voice trailed off and they sat silently. Margaret broke the silence. "You know something, honey? I'm really going to miss him. I know we haven't seen much of each other in the last couple of years, but he was a good person. I never told you about how caring and concerned Fox was in those months while you were gone." Dana looked up at her mother and shook her head. "Just before it all happened, I had been repeatedly dreaming about you being taken away from me. I never told you that either. I wanted to, if for no other reason than to hear you tell me I was being worried for nothing and that my dreams were nothing more than just dreams. But I didn't want to sound like Melissa. When the police called me that night, I knew just what had happened and I raced over to your apartment. Fox was the only one out of all the officers and investigators there who would talk to me and he treated me with respect and listened to everything I had to say and never once made me feel like I should doubt how I felt or what I believed. "In the weeks afterwards he would call me to let me know any news and even if there was no news. He had been there for me when Bill and Charlie couldn't. Fox dropped everything whenever I needed to talk about how hard it was to be without you. He wouldn't let me give up and he certainly never gave up." Dana squeezed her mother's hand. "Mulder never told me about any of that except that he would call you about leads in the investigation. I'm glad you told me." "As much as you know Bill wants to blame Fox for the bad things in your life, I can't help but remember what a friend he was to me, and to you. And someone once said that generous deeds can never die. Try to take some comfort in that, Dana." "Thank you, Mom. I think I'd better try to rest now. I'll call you first thing in the morning. I promise." "I don't feel right about leaving you tonight, sweetheart," Maggie said, "Why don't I stay here with you? That way if you need anything, I'll be right here." "Mom, I don't want to put you out--" "Nonsense. I wasn't going to do anything tonight anyway. Now, lie down and get some rest. Don't argue." Dana opened her mouth in protest and shut it again. She nodded with resignation. Maggie stood up as Dana kicked off her shoes and lay down. Maggie picked up a throw blanket from the end of the bed and pulled it up over her. She stroked her daughter's hair and said, "I'm still your mother and you're still my baby girl. I still have the right to worry about you and take care of you whether you like it or not. Don't forget that." She kissed her forehead and quietly left the room. ----- If someone had asked Maggie how she would imagine Fox Mulder's funeral, she would have been at a loss for words. The thought of him dying was unimaginable, just as the thought of anyone dying so young and so pointlessly was unimaginable. But now faced with the event, she would never have imagined it this way. It was ordered, traditional, and uneventful. It was so unlike anything she knew about Fox. Every moment, she expected something fantastic to happen, and she was almost disappointed that nothing did. The only thing out of the ordinary was the unseasonably cold weather, but Fox could hardly be blamed for that. For an instant she allowed herself to think that maybe Dana's life would be normal now, but self-reproach mentally slapped her for thinking so. Your daughter's closest friend has died, she reminded herself, and there is no satisfaction to be taken from that. Still, hoping that things would settle down for Dana wasn't necessarily a bad thing, she thought. After the minister's final prayers at the cemetery, the crowd dispersed, Dana stayed by the grave with Mr. Skinner waiting for the coffin to be lowered, and Maggie strained to see what they were doing. She stood by the car, trying to stay warm, practically hopping from foot to foot. The sound of crunching gravel nearby surprised her. Most people had ignored or avoided her, only paying attention to Dana or Walter. She turned toward the footsteps to find a spiky-haired man nodding at her. "Mrs. Scully?" "Yes." He held out his hand and said, "I'm John Doggett. I'm sorry we had to meet under these circumstances." She took his hand reluctantly, but he grasped hers in return and shook it warmly. "I suppose it couldn't be helped," she said, as she pulled her hand back. He nodded with a grimace. He turned and leaning his back against the car beside her watching Dana at the grave site. "I hadn't realized when I talked to you the other night that you knew Agent Mulder that well." "He was my friend. He was very kind to me and my family during some difficult times." "Then I'm very sorry for your loss, ma'am." "Thank you. So you didn't know Fox?" He shook his head, still staring out towards the grave. "Never had the pleasure. But a lot of folks make me wish I had, especially your daughter." She turned to watch Dana as well. The coffin was being lowered now. Agent Doggett spoke again. "I'm afraid for her." She turned back to him with surprise. "For Dana? Why?" "She's taking this harder than I thought she would. I mean, I know how partners are; I've had my share on the force and even in the marines. Trusting another person with your life is not a light matter...It's just that she's been through so much. I really wanted her to have a happy ending." Maggie couldn't bear any more. "Why are you telling me this? I don't even know you. Do you think I'm not aware of how much she's hurting? Do you think I can change what happened?" "I'm not suggesting anything of the kind, ma'am. I'm just getting a vibe. I thought I'd try to explain to you that I care about your daughter and maybe I'm not the bad guy you appear to think I am. But maybe I'm jumping to conclusions. If I am, then I apologize." "I don't have any opinions regarding you at all, Agent Doggett. If you think that my concern for my daughter has made me think badly of you, then maybe there's something in your own conscience that you have to deal with. Now if you don't mind, I'd like to wait for Dana alone while I mourn my friend and then we will be going." "No problem. You have my sincerest condolences, ma'am. Have a safe trip home." He walked away from her and headed towards Dana and Walter who were already making their way back up to the car. She watched as Dana stopped when Doggett reached them. She watched in dismay as they spoke a few words and embraced. She did not acknowledge Doggett when he turned back towards her and nodded before walking away. ----- The knock at the door roused her. She wondered in confusion if she had fallen asleep on her couch and hadn't heard the phone. "Oh. It's you," she said, answering the door and finding Agent Doggett instead of Dana. "What do you want?" "Well, a good evening to you, Mrs. Scully. I'm looking for Agent Scully." "Well, she's not here. You could have saved yourself the trip by calling first. So you can go now." She tried to shut the door, but found Doggett's foot in the way. "I was under the impression she was going to spend a few days with you." "Plans change." She tried slamming the door hard on his foot, but he didn't budge. "Would it be too much to ask what happened, Mrs. Scully? Can you at least tell me if she's okay?" "How on earth would I know? I don't get told things as simple as that." "Look, Mrs. Scully. I get that you're upset. And I've got no idea what it's about or what went on here and I know it's none of my business, but I'd really like to know if I should go and look for her and make sure she's all right." "We had an argument and she left." "I wish that hadn't happened. She's gotta start taking it easy." "So you do know then. That's she's pregnant." "Is that what your argument was about? You mean she hadn't told you?" "You're quite the investigator, Agent Doggett. It's astonishing that you didn't find Fox like you were supposed to." Maggie gave up trying to shut the door. She walked back into her living room and sat down in the same spot again, leaving Agent Doggett to come in as he pleased. He appeared in the entry to the living room. "I bet you've been waiting to say that. Look, I'm really sorry she didn't tell you, ma'am. I honestly thought you already knew. She didn't tell me either. And I'm sure she wanted to tell me far less. I found out by accident." "That really doesn't make me feel any better, Agent Doggett. But it's par for the course around here." "I know you're angry with her, Mrs. Scully. I haven't been pleased with her myself. But you've got to try to understand where she's coming from --" Maggie interrupted, "And just what makes you think you understand her better than me? Who are you to tell me about my own daughter? How long have you known her now? Four months?" "I'm not saying I do, ma'am. I'm not even saying that she was right. What I am saying is that she had her reasons for keeping her pregnancy a secret. Her partner was buried yesterday. He was abducted and killed over something we can only assume he and your daughter were working on. She thought it was better that no one know so she could continue her work to find him. I wish she had told me sooner. But I gotta accept that she didn't and move on." "Well, I don't have to accept it." Doggett shook his head. "Mrs. Scully, do you know why it was a closed casket?" Confused, Maggie answered, "Well, because Fox was already dead. But I don't see--" Doggett cut her off. "It wasn't just that. He was tortured. Do you understand? Whoever took him did one hell of a number on him. Stuff I've never seen done to a human body, and I've seen a lot. Now, if your daughter felt the need to keep her secrets, who are we to judge her?" "I'm her mother!" Maggie replied angrily. "Well, then you'll have to excuse me for being blunt then, ma'am, but this isn't about you." Maggie stood up in fury and said, "Fine. I'd like you to leave now, Mr. Doggett." She stormed towards the doorway. Doggett raised his hands, signalling her to stop. "Not before I say one more thing." Maggie stopped and crossed her arms impatiently. "Mrs. Scully, your daughter is an incredible woman. She's one of the strongest, most intelligent women I have ever met. And from my experience, folks get that kind of thing from the way they were raised, so I'm really glad I met you." Maggie snorted. Doggett continued, "You can believe whatever you want, ma'am. But whether Agent Scully admits it or not, and I know she won't admit it 'cause she's as damn stubborn as she is anything else, I know she's scared right now. It's also not too hard to see that she's going through hell. She's gonna need you. I just hope that you don't let something like her doing what she thought was right stand in your way." Doggett turned around and opened the front door. He looked back at Maggie and said, "G'night, Mrs. Scully." ----- Maggie let herself into Dana's apartment. All the lights were off, but she knew her daughter was there. She went into the kitchen, carrying a bag of food that she'd up made for Dana for the week and arranged it in her fridge and freezer. She made her way to the bedroom. She knocked lightly on the half-opened door. "Dana? It's Mom." She was momentarily blinded when Dana turned on the light. "Mom? You scared me. I didn't expect you." Dana was sitting up on the made bed. She was fully clothed with the throw over her. Her mother entered the room, put down her coat and purse, and walked over towards the bed. When she came closer, she could see her daughter's red, puffy eyes. "I would have called, but I wasn't sure if you'd answer or if I'd have the resolve to actually come over here. I argued with myself the whole way." Maggie sat on the edge of the bed. "I would have answered, Mom." "Yes, well, I'm here anyway. I don't know what I should say or what you want me to say, but I'm not apologizing. I still think I should have been told. I still don't understand. I doubt I ever will. And I don't have any hope that you'll tell me anything more. I realized that I want to be here more than I want to be angry with you." Dana threw her arms around her mother. "Oh, Mom. I'm sorry. Thank you." Maggie responded stiffly at first, but then melted into her daughter's hug. Maggie pulled away from her and sighed. She patted her daughter's leg, signalling her to move over to allow Maggie to lie beside her. Dana wrapped her arms around her mother's waist, while Maggie wrapped hers around her daughter's shoulders. "Dana, I never would have thought that you'd be such a handful as an adult. You were always the one we didn't have to worry about. You and Missy, so different and yet you were both off in your own separate worlds that none of us could break into. I always thought that maybe I just wasn't meant to be the mother of girls. At least I knew how to deal with boys. Honestly, I don't know what to do with you half the time." "I don't mean to --" "Yes, Dana, I've heard you before. You don't mean to cut me out. You don't mean to hide things from me. But you do, and it hurts. I want to be a part of your life. You need all the support you can get. I know that you used to get that from Fox, but you need to start relying on other people now --" She heard Dana's sharp intake of breath. "Please, don't, Mom --" A sob escaped from her daughter. "Hey, now, sweetie...shhh...I know it hurts to hear that, but you know it's true. You have to let people in. Besides that, I want to be a part of my new grandbaby's life. So you're fairly warned. I'm going to do my best to stay in both your lives and meddle and do whatever it is I have to do to remind you that I'm just as stubborn as you are." That earned Maggie a small laugh from her daughter, so she continued. "And speaking of meddling, I suppose it's useless to ask whether this baby will be born out of wedlock or not. I don't even have to look at you to know that you're rolling your eyes. I suppose it will also be useless to tell you my preference on that matter. Well, I suppose it doesn't really matter in the end, as long as you are both healthy." She pulled Dana away from her and asked, "Are you? Healthy?" "Yes, Mom. At my last check-up we both had a clean bill." "Well then! A straight answer! We're already making progress." They both chuckled. "I want you to see something, Mom. Can you pull out the Bible from my bedside table?" Maggie did as instructed. She handed the Bible to Dana who opened it and pulled out a folded piece of paper, giving it to Maggie. "What's this?" "Open it." Margaret unfolded it to reveal a grainy image. The words across the top said 'Scully, Dana'. It was then that she could make out the head and the body. "Oh Dana, is this...? Oh, it's beautiful." Emotion welled up in her and tears fell uncontrollably. "It's just beautiful. It's perfect." With her arm around Dana, she traced the outline of the baby. Dana's baby. Her grandchild. She enjoyed the sound of that.