A LINK IN THE CHAIN 13 A MOTHER'S THOUGHTS AUTHOR: Ewa E-mail: ewa@whatewa.com RATING: PG 13 CATEGORY: V SPOILER: Most things /post Requiem KEYWORDS: Margaret Scully/Sk, M, and S SUMMARY: Margaret Scully reflects on children and relationships. DISCLAIMER: any characters you recognize belong to Mr. Carter & Co; others belong to me but I share. Those that I borrowed, I will return in pristine condition (well, nearly!) ARCHIVES: Let me know where it's gone please! THANKS: To Jay who beta'd this, without who's help and suggestions, this wouldn't be half of what it is. Thanks Friend, I appreciate it! Feedback please, I NEED to know what you think! ewa.whatewa.com Reading the previous stories in the series would be an advantage but is not strictly necessary. See my stories on www.whatewa.com A MOTHER'S THOUGHTS Why is it that once your children get to a certain age, usually about twelve, they seem to think that you're in your dotage? Mine have all been the same, to a greater or lesser degree. Take my eldest for example. Bill seems to think that I'm incapable of even deciding what 'flavor' of detergent to use. Although he's the oldest, I sometimes feel he's the least mature in many respects. I resent the fact that kids in general, seem to think that once you're past your fortieth birthday, you are totally 'non compos mentis' and require a walker to get around with. I suppose I do feel a bit angry about the attitude to the more mature person. It's not just my kids, it tends to be society in general. I do not see myself as incapable of learning about new developments or technology. I was in possession of, and capable of using a cell phone quite a while before some of my children. In fact, I was the one who gave Bill his first one as a Christmas present one year. I did not have to dodge dinosaurs on my way to cave school, as seems to be the impression! I may be a couple of years shy of becoming a senior citizen, but I can still give the youngsters a run for their money. I try to keep quiet for as long as I can, just to keep the peace, but sometimes I'm just *this* short of speaking my mind. I make allowances for my firstborn, but I'm very glad that we no longer have to live under the same roof. Melissa, God rest her soul, had a similar attitude, but she left home instead, to do her own 'thing'. I remember we had many an argument, when I wouldn't follow her advice. I suppose mothers universally have that sort of a problem. By the time I'd had the younger two kids, Dana and Charlie, I'd eased up a bit and brought them up differently; I don't know. Suffice it to say that these two are a lot more 'human'. I suppose the difference in the kids is the way they were brought up. When I'd had Dana and Charlie, I was a lot more experienced as a mother. I'd learned that the fact that a child would not comply with rules and regulations, did not necessarily mean that the sky would fall in. I was so much more relaxed about everything. I remember when Bill junior was a tiny baby. Those were the days when a baby was fed every four hours; ten minutes each side. Bill wasn't having any of that! He wanted what he wanted, and he wanted it *now*. He hasn't changed much in that respect over the years, has he! Anyway, I remember sitting there, him screaming the place down, me in tears, watching the clock till the appointed four hours were up so that I could feed him. That's how bad things were then. It seems ludicrous now , but then__ I look back, and smile at myself then. I was so young, so inexperienced, so naive. I had this image of mother hood, smiling Mom, contented baby. Of course things never work out that way, do they? By the time I had Dana things had changed. With the two older ones to see to as well, she'd just had to fit in wherever she could. We both did. I fed her when she was hungry, put her to bed when she was tired, washed her when I had a spare moment. Routine went out of the window, and we both seemed to thrive on it. It was actually quite good for the older two, as well. By the time we'd had Charlie, I was so laid back! My attitude had become that as long as we had food on the table and clean clothes for the next day, nothing else really mattered. I stopped being so house proud and spent much more time having fun with the kids. The house often looked like a tip, but what the hell, there are more important things in life then housework! I suppose this easier type of upbringing is the reason why Dana and Charlie are a lot more supportive and understanding, not only of each other, but of me and of others. I sometimes resent the way Bill has tried to take over my life since his father died. His father was a good man authoritarian, fair and loving. But not always so. Looking back, I should have stood up to him more when he was so critical of Dana when she wanted to quit Medicine and go into the FBI. I knew that it was out of love and concern that he'd taken that attitude, but he would be horrified if he known the repercussions his stance that day, would have on his baby girl. She's been quite damaged by that incident. God if I knew then what I know now __ With the benefit of hind sight, a lot of things would be different, wouldn't they. I know both my husband and I made a lot of mistakes whilst bringing the kids up, I've tried to make amends were I can, but that is just the way of the world. My parents made mistakes, as did Bill's; that is just part of the baggage each of us must either learn to carry or dump in our adult life. I miss him a lot, but my life has to go on; he's been dead now these past seven years. I suppose the reason why Bill has tried to take over and run the family, is because we let him. He does care about us all and is very protective, that's half the trouble. When he was little and his Daddy was away at sea, it was rather sweet. Now it has become a royal pain in the butt. Don't get me wrong, I love him to pieces, as I do all my kids, but very often I don't like him at all. Melissa and he were very much alike, always bossing the little ones about and intimidating them. They usually paired up together. If they started on Charlie he seemed to ignore them, it didn't make any impact on him at all. Come to think of it he still does the same thing; he'll smile at Bill, and carry on with what he wants to do. Basically, Bill is a bit of a bully. It's a difficult thing for a mother to admit, the truth hurts. Now my Dana is a different kettle of fish altogether. Bill has always given her a rough time. I know he loves her, but he is always on her case. Nothing she does is ever good enough, no man she knows is suitable; especially Fox Mulder. Now, maybe I'm biased, but to my mind Fox is the best thing for my Dana since sliced bread. If you could choose 'son material' you couldn't choose better than him. I seem to have unofficially adopted him. I love him as my own; as does my Dana. It has taken her, them, so long to admit this to one another and to do something about it. They had been a pair for seven years. I had seen that they cared about one another, as had Walter, as had Bill. I've wanted to see her happy for so very long. She deserves it. Out of all my children, she's the one with least confidence in her abilities, not in her work, but as a human being. She's had this chip on her shoulder since she was tiny. I don't know who put it there, but there it has always been. Almost as though she were not good enough to deserve or have the love and friendship that is the right of everyone. She has been a great worry to me over the years, but I've known Fox would always look out for her, be there for her, willingly died for her if that had been necessary. You know, I've always been a bit envious of that kind of love and devotion. Bill and I were good together, but what these two have is something very rare and wonderful. So many things have happened to them in the past year, things that have had a direct influence on *my* life. I've been quite happy with my life since the Captain passed on, I've been a bit lonely from time to time. Being a Navy wife, loneliness comes as part of the package. I've filled the holes in with the voluntary work I do at our local Catholic church. I really enjoy helping out with the toddlers, with the luncheon club for the seniors. All in all I've got my friends and activities so I'm not what you could call really lonely. To add to that I see my grandchildren every once in a while. A year ago Fox was abducted, that event changed not only Dana's life, but mine as well This came as a dreadful shock to us all. AD Walter Skinner, knowing how close I felt to Fox kept me informed of events. Very shortly after that, I started having the dreams again. It was something that Melissa would have understood. Dana, being the skeptic she is, would not have wanted to believe Other's tend to think it's rather freaky. Fox would have understood. Come to think of it, that's probably why I had them. On several nights I saw Fox sitting on the edge of my bed, it was strange, but never frightening. The first couple of times he just sat there; what I *did* find unnerving, was that he had the cross I'd given Dana for her fifteenth birthday, around his neck. Then one night, he sat there with the most beautiful smile on his face, his 'puppy dog' eyes as Dana calls them, almost aglow; he didn't say anything, but I knew that Dana was pregnant with his child, I knew he was so proud and happy. I must say that this revelation came as another shock. I had to get my head around the fact that the two of them weren't married. I realized that this was no longer as important an issue to me. I knew that I had to see her as soon as possible, I needed to tell her that it was alright. I went over to Fox's apartment the following morning to see Dana, and the rest is really history. I realised that day, how much Dana had changed, she'd had the dreams too. Over the years Fox had managed to erode her skepticism. The upshot of it all is that because of these events I got to know Walter a lot better. We became friends with a common cause; that of getting Dana to survive her pregnancy. I suppose to the outsider, this might have looked strange. I mean, I was the older woman. I'm young for my age, and although Walter is twelve years my junior he is so much older in his out look on life. We are good for each other. It started out as respect for one another, but soon it turned into friendship. Why is it that there is a general opinion, that people of the opposite sex, or come to think of it, of the same sex can't be friends, even love each other, without sex being involve? People are obsessed with smut. To my mind love is not at all synonymous with sex. I think us Americans are getting as straight-laced as our English cousins over this. The Latin races probably have the best idea. I've never delved into Walter's past history, I know a little about his experiences in 'Nam, a little about Sharon. He will tell me what he needs to when he needs to. I trust my instincts about this man. He is intrinsically good, honest and trustworthy. Maybe he's made some bad decisions in his life, but who amongst us hasn't done the same. I just know inside that he would never willingly hurt me or mine. I feel that he's had a lot of painful decisions to make over the years; ones that he's not always been proud of. I feel a lot of pain and darkness around him, but it's a darkness that as gradually changed to light over the months. But I'm digressing. We used to call each other up, not too often at first, but with more frequency as time went on. We would plan and scheme to try and get Dana to rest, to see the OB/GYN, to eat properly. It was very hard for him. I know my daughter, she's not one of the easiest people to try to influence. We were lucky, in as much as she developed a great liking for her superior, and came to trust him. The feeling was reciprocated and I know that now he considers her his adopted daughter, although there is not that much of an age gap between them. But I'm getting ahead of myself. We finally worked out a system, Walter and I, that he would drive her over to my house every weekend. This gave me a chance to pamper her and to see that she was okay. After a while it seemed a bit silly that Walter should drive all the way back to Crystal City on Friday, and then repeat the journey on Sunday. I talked to Dana and between us we managed to persuade him to stay weekends. I've plenty of room in the house, and it was nice to have the company, and someone appreciative to cook for. It worked out really well. There was something about Walter, he was very like Fox in some respects. You could almost touch their loneliness. I can't bear to see that in anyone. Neither, I believe, can my Dana. It was a touch of genius when Dana persuaded him to come with us and see the sonogram. You should have seen him, his face wet with tears, enchantment in his eyes. He's seen such horrors in his life, first in Vietnam, then in the FBI. You know, it wasn't till then that I realised exactly how lonely Walter really was; how much he'd missed out on in life. Both Dana and I had developed a very soft spot for him by then. She had grown to trust and respect him. It was a lot harder for her to do. She hasn't that same gift of just looking at a person and knowing. She asked him if he would become her birth partner. I swear if we'd turned the light off, he'd have glowed with pride. He was so good for the pair of us. What was strange was that he really understood her, sometimes far better than I ever could. I suppose the old 'mother-daughter' thing kicks in occasionally and you can't see things clearly for other issues. No, you could rely on him taking her part. Sometimes I'd feel just a little jealous. It's silly really! I wish I could be as accepting of her as he is, but as I've said, this mother -daughter thing can be difficult to overcome. I don't suppose this family is unique in that respect. I only ever treated my own mother as an equal when I was a lot older and wiser than Dana. Walter was the one that sat with her when she went into labor, I'd promised Dana I would take care of the newly returned Fox. Poor Walter, thought he'd lost her when she was too tired to go on. God, when I looked at him that night I didn't think he'd survive if Dana and the baby hadn't pulled through, I don't think he'd have wanted to. He really loves her you know. No I don't mean like Fox does, but maybe more than even her father did. To look at him, you'd never believe what a great softy he is. I don't suppose he allows many, if any people to see this side of his nature. He has so much love and compassion in him. I can't understand why his marriage to Sharon didn't work out. He would make a great father. It's such a shame. The look in his eyes when he first held Abbie! He was completely smitten with her. He'd walk over hot coals for that child. Dana, bless her heart, adopted him as Abbie's Granddad. He was over the moon. Both she and Fox appreciate what he's done for them over the years and he's blossomed. He goes around with this big, silly grin on his face all day long. He was telling me that one side effect of this is the agents back at the bureau are absolutely terrified of him. They just don't know what to make of it. He's had us all in stitches telling us about some of the reactions at work to the 'new' Walter. Of course there was that time a few weeks back were Dana nearly had a breakdown. I suppose we were all to blame, none of us picked up on what we saw. I went in at the deep end when I'd realised what had nearly happened. I was all for taking the baby away from Dana at that stage. It was dear, quiet Walter that finally made me see sense. He was the one that made me think back to when I was a young mom. I remembered one incident when Dana was tiny. I don't know how the man has such insight. He was the one that stood there protecting her until I finally saw sense. I'd chosen to forget how easy it is to lose it when you are under constant pressure of a crying child. I, of all people should have remembered, should have understood, should have been there for her. I let her down yet again. I'd never have forgiven myself if I'd done that day what I intended to do. That Walter is a true friend to all of us. The strangest thing is his relationship with the baby. She never messes him about like she Do the rest of us. They just look at each other and seem to understand. He adores being with her, it's made a new man out of him; he seems so much softer now. In all the years I've known him, I've never seen him so happy; so complete. Of course when Bill found out how much time Walter was spending with us, with me; he went ballistic. I was very loath to do it, but in the end I had to read him the riots act! I am not trying to replace his father, I never have. I don't know what the future holds, but what is so wrong in having Walter as a friend? As you can imagine, it went down like a lead balloon; but he had to be told once and for all, and he seems to have got the message. His own relationships haven't been that good, that he can tell me how to run my life! At the moment Walter and I are great friend, great companions. We enjoy being together, sharing Dana, Fox and the baby; but neither of us is ready to commit to anything else just now. What I had with the Captain was very good, Walter still has to work through the issue of Sharon. My philosophy is 'if it isn't broke, why fix it?' We enjoy each other's company, are good for each other. We have fun together. Can that be so bad? Maybe in time, who knows? I don't think Bill will ever interfere again, and if things do progress further Dana and Fox will be very happy for us. As I said Walter and I have a lot of years ahead of us, and who knows what the future may bring! End I'd love some feedback. ewa@whatewa.com The Gossamer Project Author - Title - Date - Spoilers - Crossovers - X-Files - Adventures - Stories - Vignettes Download Other stories by Ewa /Please let us know if the site is not working properly. Set story display preferences . Do not archive stories elsewhere without permission from the author(s). See the Gossamer policies for more information. /