Title: What Might Have Been Part 1 of 15 Started 6/7/01 finished 12/9/01 Author: FatCat (feedback to FatCat926@msn.com) Thank you, Thank you very much (in my best Mulder/Elvis voice) Reply To: FatCat926@msn.com Rating: NC17 Category: S/R Pre X-File to Season 6, MSR, Scully angst, Mulder Angst, RST, BS gets his. Spoilers: Everything through Milagro Archive: Love to share, folks, but let me know where it's appreciated and please keep my name attached. Summary: Milagro events force our heroes to relive past relationships. Disclaimer: They aren't mine nor anyone's but CC, Fox, 1013, DD, and GA's. Oh, yeah, thanks to Moby for his music and words of inspiration. Thanks to Margaret Mitchell for the inspiration of a great love scene. No financial transactions will ensue whereby I will in any way receive anything that even faintly resembles remuneration. One can only contemplate writing for dollars. For now, just enjoy. Oh, yeah! Feedback will be greatly appreciated. Author's Notes: This is a completed story in 15 parts. I will post it as I am able to format it. A huge THANK YOU to Frohike for all the excellent help she freely gave as a beta-even though a Pre-X File story wasn't her cup of tea. I'm very glad I didn't have to work without your help. Now back to Alex and Katie girlfriend! ***** Midmorning, December 26, 1989, Coastal California ***** The 1961 Austin Healy E3000 MKII Open Top roared south on I5. The man at the wheel pushed the little roadster to its limits, which were considerable. The tight steering and the triple SU 132bhp engine combining to make the Colorado Red and Ivory White vehicle a blur. Special Agent Fox Mulder knew he was pushing the car to its limits, but did not care. He felt the speed of the car from his scalp to the tips of his toes. It was almost enough. Almost enough speed to outrun any CHP officer he encountered. Almost enough speed to outrun the sickness that was threatening to engulf him. Almost enough speed to surely kill him if he left the road. If he slowed down before he was safe he would be lost. The minutes piled together as the miles flew by. He had left Dana Point what seemed like only seconds ago, but he was already down to Oceanside. He finally felt he had once again escaped as the sickness eased. The traffic increased as he neared civilization. He slowly let off the gas and on impulse geared down to take the next exit. Mulder drove along the beach road automatically. He was looking for something, but for the life of him he didn't know what it was. There was a feeling of expectation and anticipation mingled with dread as he drove further and further down the beach road. Another impulse drove him to pull into the parking lot of a small, clean-looking motel. He turned off the engine and sat in the shade listening to the sizzle of the neon in the motel sign and the noise of the engine as it cooled. What was he doing here? He lowered his head to the steering wheel of the car and tried to clear his thoughts. "I need a shower for about a year and a stiff drink." He said aloud. He swung up out of the low slung roadster and strode into the office of the motel. Deciding to pay cash for the room instead of the credit card gave him the feeling of security and anonymity that he needed. Label him paranoid, but he needed to disappear for just a few nights. He would call in and let the SAIC know his whereabouts tomorrow. He dumped his overnight bag on the bed and pulled out his shaving kit. He stripped and got into the shower, turning the water on as hot as he could stand it. He stood there letting the heated water wash over him; he still felt dirty. After he washed his hair, he picked up the mini bar of soap, provided so thoughtfully by the motel chain, and a thin inadequate washcloth and began to scrub every square inch of his body as hard as he could. He had been called out to Dana Point, California on a special request by the LA branch of the FBI. He was normally assigned to the DC Headquarters, but when this case had escalated good old Spooky was needed. There had been a series of mutilation/murders of young homosexual men centering around Dana Point. The gay community was large though somewhat new. Things might have continued without the call for Spooky, if the nephew of a certain Senator from New York had not been one of the latest victims. According to the profile the murderer was most likely someone who had been driven over the edge by rejection, humiliation and or abuse by a lover and was trying to purge the rage generated by the experience with each murder. The victims also fit a recognizable profile. They were all blond, handsome, educated men who had recently split with a relatively long-term partner. The killer's time table never varied. He struck on weekends, but only three times a month. The only factor that didn't fit into a pattern was that sometimes the victim was the scorned lover and sometimes it was the one who initiated the breakup. Due to the volatility of the relationships in the community, there were several individuals who potentially fit the profile. That's why he had to do something he never thought he would do. He and another male agent were sent in undercover-as lovers. Samuels was from San Diego, working the LA headquarters and looked every inch a West Coast kind of guy. Mulder wasn't as lucky. He unfortunately had to undergo a major overhaul to meet the blonde appearance necessary for his cover. They had had to spend the last two weeks as a couple. Thank God Samuels was as heterosexual as he was and they played off the strained relationship as the reason they were not more physically affectionate. They had staged their breakup at a huge party last night, giving Mulder an excuse to storm out of the party and disappear down the road If the perp stayed true to profile, he wouldn't make his move until this weekend. Mulder believed that the he had a job in LA during the week and returned to Dana Point on the weekends, which helped to narrow down the field of possible suspects. Both he and Samuels were prepared to be wired, armed and ready when they trolled the parties and bars next weekend - offering themselves as the next potential victims. Going undercover as homosexual with a lover was stretching his job description a bit far, but that wasn't what was bothering him about this case. It was the profile. The reason he was the most successful profiler at the FBI, was because he had the ability to actually slip into the mind of the criminal. He used his Oxford education and FBI training to absorb so many of the details of the crimes that he mentally allowed himself to become the criminal. He was able to feel their rage, their sickness, thus knowing them well enough to stop them. He held nothing back from this process. He usually was able to step back and breathe with the help of his partner, but Troy was as uncomfortable with the undercover persona of involved homosexual intimacy as was he and consequently even the casual assistance he needed was missing. Mulder shook his head. The undercover work was a job, but the madness that spewed from this perp was threatening to overwhelm him. As the water cooled he realized he had been scrubbing and crying for several minutes. Would he ever feel clean again? Mulder tallied his laundry list of guilt and self-blame. He hadn't saved his sister, his parents marriage, or his relationship with Phoebe. He hadn't saved the four little girls, victims of the previous madman in Wisconsin. So far, he hadn't been able to save the 3 latest victims of the current monster. These were just the high points of his self-perceived personal failures. Unless this case ended soon, he was afraid his guilt would overwhelm him and he wouldn't be strong enough to claw his way back from the edge. He climbed out of the shower and dried quickly. He started to shave, but realized he couldn't look at himself in the mirror right now. He returned to the outer room and threw back the bedspread. He turned the air conditioner up as high as it would go and finally crawled into bed-asleep before his head hit the pillow. ***** Midmorning, December 26, 1989, Miramar Naval Base ***** "Dana! Dana! Dana, wait for me!" Melissa Scully was relieved to see her younger sister finally slow and turn to wait for her. 'Oh, brother! You've done it this time, Billy' she thought as she walked up to her sister. "Thanks! I thought I was going to have to go back and get the car to catch you. Where are you going, Sis?" She smiled at Dana as she held her left side. "Out! For a walk. Anywhere to get away from him!" Dana was so angry she couldn't say her brother's name. "I don't want to talk about it Melissa, so if you can't just keep quiet and keep up, forget it." "Hey, I'm on your side, remember? I know how Bill is." Melissa turned and started walking at a brisk pace-fast enough to walk off anger-slow enough to keep the pain in her side from coming back. Dana caught up with her and they continued to walk side by side for several minutes. "Wow! Look over there!" Melissa said with a smile. "That's the school we went to when we were younger. Let's go check out the swings." Melissa continued, "Remember how we used to sneak out at night to swing in the dark? This school always had the highest swings around. We would pump and pump until the chain would start to fall before our bodies reached the highest point and would snap us in free fall." "And when we finally got as high as we could we would lean back and watch the stars as we slowed down." Dana added with a smile. "Do you remember how Mom never could figure out how our hair got so dirty overnight?" Melissa grinned back. "I think she figured it out toward the end." Dana said. "I don't think she would have ever figured it out, if Bill hadn't followed us and tattled, Dana." Melissa said with small frown. "Bill! I should have known!" Dana huffed. "He wasn't wrong that time, Dana. I remember Dad being concerned about a couple of missing children. Bill just wanted to protect us." "He wanted to boss us around and feel important in front of Mom and Dad and his friends. He wanted to control our lives! He wanted it then and he wants it now!" "Dana, you know I've had my share of run-in's with Bill, but I think right now you're angry and hurt and cannot see Bill objectively!" "Objective! Of course I'm not being objective. You wouldn't be either if he had just embarrassed and humiliated you in front of the man you thought you wanted to spend your life with." Melissa had nothing to say at this point. She knew Dana needed to think about the events that had just played out and what she needed from her sister was silent support. "Hey! They're still there! Come on! I'll race you!" She said trying to lighten the mood. Even with Melissa's head start, Dana easily beat her to the swings. "Funny, they don't look as big as I remember them." Dana smiled at Melissa. "Still looks like fun to me, Day. Pick one!" Melissa said as she gave a hard shove on the swing seat. The swing neatly went up and over the top bar, effectively raising the level of the seat to a more comfortable height for her adult legs. Dana followed suit and, for a few moments, the sisters lost themselves in the shared joy of their childhood - pumping and gliding and reaching for the sky. They slowed and sat companionably in the school yard for a few moments. "Want to talk about it now?" Melissa offered. "Not really." Dana grimaced. "But I guess I won't get away with telling you I'm fine, will I?" Melissa smiled at her sister and said, "Not a chance, DayKat. Spill!" "You know basically what happened. Justin came to surprise me. He flew all the way from Maryland to be with me. He wanted to come with me as soon as he heard about this Christmas trip Mom had planned. I didn't want him to disappoint his parents and his friends so I talked him out of it. I was afraid Bill would pull something like this. The last thing I wanted was for Justin to be humiliated by Bill." "How did Bill humiliate him, Dana?" "Oh, you know Bill. Justin is a brilliant musician. He had a full scholarship to Julliard for heaven's sake! Bill treated him like he was dirt. First implying he was some punk rock bum that wanted to screw the little groupie and when Justin assured Bill that wasn't the truth, Bill started in on him by accusing him of being...you know-less than a real man." Dana couldn't bring herself to retell Bill's exact words. "I don't understand, Day." Dana sighed as she realized she had to tell Melissa everything. "He implied that Justin was just using the Virginal Dana as a cover to hide his true self. By the time Bill was done with Justin, he was in tears. He told me he would call me when I got back to school and left, but I know it's over." A few minutes passed as Dana let Melissa ruminate on the facts. Finally she spoke. "I don't know, Dana. Maybe Bill Junior was right. I mean, what kind of man gives up that easily? If he truly loved you he would have stood up to Bill, no matter what." Melissa hated to side with Bill, but she had felt uneasy about Justin. "Justin is sensitive! He feels things deeply. It's part of his passionate nature. It's what makes his music so incredible! He and his friends are all so deeply involved with the music that sometimes they go off for days together without..." Dana slowed her speech and a look of horror washed over her face. "Oh, my God! Bill was right! Oh, how can I be so stupid!" Tears streaked down Dana's face. Melissa simply stood up and enclosed her little sister in her arms. She guided them over to the small bench nearby and held her as she cried. "You know what's the worst part don't you?" Melissa asked. "What do you mean, Mel? Realizing that the man you thought of as your future is just using you for a manly credential or that your brother, the jerk, is right." Dana managed as she sniffed her tears to a halt. Melissa barked out a laugh. "You certainly know how to diagnose the basics of the problem. Did they teach you that in medical school, little sister?" "I always had the knack, but I guess you could say I've refined it with the training from school. It doesn't make it any easier to live with, though." Dana smiled. "Well, you know what I think we should do now?" Melissa smiled with a twinkle in her eye. "Go home and short sheet Bill's bed? Puncture holes in each and every one of the condoms I found in his suitcase? What?" Dana forced her mood to lift. Never one to brood in front of others, she had decided to push away her pain and bring it out when she was alone. She needed to examine it from all sides and needed privacy to do this. Melissa was laughing so hard she nearly fell off the bench. "Heavens, Day! I'd go for the short sheeting the bed, but please don't touch the condoms. Who knows what kind of bimbo Bill would knock up and we would have to be her sisters-in-law for life. You know Bill's taste in women!" "Yeah, I guess I should 86 the pinpricks for the big pr...." "Dana Katherine!" Melissa's laughter overwhelmed her again, and this time Dana joined in. "Okay, Mel. What did you have planned for the rest of the day?" Dana was finally able to speak again. Melissa wiped her eyes and smiled at her sister. "Now that Ted has left, I didn't have anything specific planned. But after this mornings events, I think we should go back to my motel room and get cleaned up and take a road trip up the coast. There's a fantastic beauty spa up towards Ocean Side and a great outlet mall. After we're all beautiful and shopped out, I think it's time to do a little bar-hopping." "Melissa! You don't even drink! Why would you want to do that?" Dana was somewhat shocked. "Oh, I don't want to drink. I was thinking more along the lines of a few games of pool. You're still as good as ever, aren't you Day?" Melissa grinned evilly. "Better!" Dana grinned back, mirroring Melissa's evil smile. "Good! After a day of pampering I will need a little extra spending money. I saw a few things I wanted at the mall, and this close to Christmas, I really don't have the extra cash. Yet." "I left my purse and my ID with my luggage at Mom and Dad's. I really don't want to go back there and take the chance of running into Bill right now." "I know, hon. First, we'll go back and get my car then while you freshen up, I'll go back home and get your purse. You don't need to change, you can find something new for tonight while we're out shopping." Dana contemplated Melissa's offer. Mel's new boyfriend, Ted, had left last night to get home in time for work this morning so she didn't feel like she was imposing on their holiday. "Okay, but can I stay with you tonight, Mel? I don't really want to get into another fight with Bill in front of Mom and Dad." "Don't worry, Day, you won't have to see Bill for a while." She answered cryptically. Dana just rolled her eyes. Melissa was having one of her premonitions. ***** Early Evening, December 26, 1989 The Surf Club, Oceanside, CA ***** Several hours and many miles up the coast later, they finally pulled up to a bar along the road. "I don't know why we had to come so far up the coast, Mel. We're practically in LA." Dana groaned as she climbed out of the car and stretched. "Hey, we're only to Oceanside. I didn't want to stop close to Miramar where there could be a lot of sailors or marines. We don't need anyone recognizing us and tattling to Bill or Dad, do we?" Melissa grinned at Dana and then added, "Not that anyone would recognize us-with your new haircut and color and my new color, we don't look like Scullys anymore!" "And they say I'm the one for good planning. Smart move sis!" Dana grinned back. "You look great as a brunette, Melissa, and your new outfit is perfect for you!" "Talk about perfect! The clothes you picked out are downright sexy! Look in the mirror little sister! Getting your hair cut and dyed blonde and your whole body waxed was a stroke of evil genius. It will blow Bill away. But, I, umm, suggest you don't tell him about the 'whole body' part" Melissa said with a grin. "We don't want him to have a stroke and have Dad make us tell him why it happened!" "I don't think I could tell anyone but you about that Mel. I know I don't want to tell Mom, let alone Bill." Dana's fiery rebellion was cooling. She ran her fingers through her new short hairdo. The curls that she normally restrained were left free. Melissa was right, no one at school would recognize her when she got back. "By the way, what was wrong with the last few places?" Dana was curious because Melissa had slowed down by two or three places before finally, decisively pulling into this place. It didn't look any different than the others. "I don't know, Day. Just call it a feeling. This place is it." Melissa smiled a secret smile. "Drunk guys with lots of money to lose, hey Mel?" Dana laughed. Melissa and her feelings were not news to Dana. "Let the games begin!" They said in unison as they walked toward the bar's entrance laughing. End Part 1 of 15 Title: What Might Have Been Part 2 of 15 FatCat (FatCat926@msn.com) ***** Early Evening, December 26, 1989 The Sleep Inn, Oceanside, California ***** When he woke up it was dark. He sat up and realized he had actually slept for several hours with no dreams and he was starving. He went into the bathroom, shaved and brushed his teeth. He stared at his reflection in amazement. In order to fit the victim profile he had had to spend a humiliating day at an LA salon undergoing an almost impossible cosmetic transformation. They had done something to his hair that made it wavy and changed the color from his natural brown to various shades of blonde. The hours spent in the chair with all the tin foil, masks, and both a manicure and pedicure had seemed endless. He was shocked when it was finally done. Not even his own mother would recognize him. He thought the worst was over. Little did he realize that it had only begun. The next stop was the mall for hours of shopping that included clothing and the final indignity-having his ear pierced. The Bureau had provided everything else he needed from the impound. He brushed his hair like Steve at the salon had shown him and turned to get dressed. He grimaced as he realized the only clothing he had in the duffel was part of the undercover wardrobe issued to him at the beginning of the case. He pulled on a pair of skin-tight black button fly jeans and a body-hugging white tank top. He threw on a denim shirt, leaving it unbuttoned. What he wouldn't give for a pair of his own worn jeans and a plain tee shirt. He slid his feet into a pair of hand-made leather loafers, not bothering with socks, and wished again for his running shoes. He caught his reflection in the wall mirror as he approached the door and grimaced. He looked like something out of GQ. He thought about removing the earring and stashing it with the gold chain, but he accepted the fact that he couldn't step too far from his cover. As he turned to leave, he realized he had almost three thousand dollars in his pocket. He didn't want to be robbed in a bar over cover money while on assignment, so he dropped the majority of the money, his weapon, gold chain, and FBI ID into a dark plastic bag provided by the motel and took it out to the car with him. Once he was on the road he casually opened the concealed panel the previous owner installed and slipped the bag in. It had taken a team of drug dogs to find the compartment so he felt the items were safely hidden. The car was the only perk in this whole operation. They had tried to force him into taking the Porsche, but as soon as he saw this beauty in the impound, he knew he had to have it. He had fallen in love with the Austin Healy 3000's when he was at Oxford. He never thought he would be driving one, let alone this particular model. There were only 34 of these babies manufactured and sold in England! Maybe he could put a bid on it and claim it in the next auction. If no one recognized the value of the Austin, he had a good chance of winning the bidding war. ***** Early Evening, December 26, 1989 The Surf Club, Oceanside, California ***** He continued to drive aimlessly down the highway until he spotted a respectable looking bar along the beach. He hoped this place had a decent cheeseburger to offer. He sat at the bar and ordered a double cheeseburger basket and an iced tea. He carefully checked out the rest of the patrons in the bar. The one thing he didn't need right now was someone from Dana Point spotting him here. After polishing off his meal, he decided he wanted to sit and quietly drink a couple beers before going back to his motel. He knew he wouldn't be able to sleep for a few hours if at all tonight. He turned to the bartender and motioned for a beer. He realized he could watch everyone in the bar by staring into the mirror that ran down the entire back wall. As he studied it, he noticed that a part of the mirror was actually two way glass. 'Probably the office back there,' he idly thought to himself. Mulder was still nursing his first beer of the night when he heard the front door open again. He tried not to stare as their laughter preceded the two beautiful women that entered. One was tall and stacked with long, softly curling brunette hair and blue eyes. The other one was a petite blonde, but perfectly proportioned, and looked as if she were 16 years old. The two women were pleasantly surprised by the interior of the bar. Though it looked like the usual dive from the outside, the inside was clean and reasonably tastefully decorated. There was a bank of pool tables and pinball machines to one side. Toward the back there was a small dance floor and a raised stage where live music was played occasionally. A massive bar ran the entire length of the wall opposite the pool tables. Tables of various sizes and seating arrangements dotted the rest of the place. They stood at the entrance for a few moments to allow their eyes to adjust to the lighting. "Where do you want to sit, Mel?" Dana asked as she looked around for the rest rooms. "I need to make a quick stop in the ladies." "I'll be at the bar. Or at the pool tables if I'm lucky." Melissa said with a smile. Dana walked to the ladies room. She felt somewhat uncomfortable in the outfit Melissa had talked her into buying. She had on a clingy red cashmere sweater with a deep vee in front. Her new tight black jeans rode low on her hips accentuating her curves. Never one to want to draw attention to herself, Dana knew this outfit screamed for attention- especially since it was worn without undergarments. She knew she looked good, but it certainly wasn't her style or her color. As a redhead this shade of red was impossible to wear. As a blonde, it was perfect! She reapplied her matching lipstick and stepped back to assess her image. 'Eat your heart out Justin!' she thought with a small grin of satisfaction. 'Let's go see what kind of trouble I can find tonight.' Dana had gone from blinding anger with Bill to the humiliating realization he was right and back to anger with him for trying to rule her life. Her anger with Justin for his duplicity was as strong, but would have to be set aside until she returned to Maryland. 'I just want to protect you Dana! You need to remember what Mom and Dad taught you, Dana! You don't want to give yourself to anyone but your husband, Dana! I love you Dana! What a load of crap-from both of them! Especially Bill! It wasn't like he had saved himself for his wedding night!' She was tired of the double standard that men used to rule this world. When would she meet a man that would allow himself to be totally honest and upfront with her? All she really wanted in a relationship was trust, respect, acceptance, and love-not necessarily in that order. Dana didn't want to think any more. She was mad and hurt by both her brother and Justin and she didn't want to be the rational one. Tonight she just wanted to have as much fun as possible and forget. She would deal with Bill tomorrow and with Justin when she returned after the holiday. She would deal with them both. Melissa recognized the mulish look on Dana's face as she returned from the ladies room. 'Oh, boy, Bill you are an ass. The hair wasn't enough rebellion to satisfy her. You pushed too far and now she's gone into her belligerent mode.' "Hey, girlfriend! I'm up on the first table next. Why don't you order us a couple of drinks and I'll be right back." Dana returned to the bar and asked for two virgin strawberry daiquiris. The irony of the name did not escape her. She looked across the bar letting her eyes size up the competition at the pool table. She normally wasn't the kind to check out the men available in a bar like this, but tonight was different. Tonight, she felt rebellious and edgy. How dare Bill assume she was still a virgin (even if it was true) and try to excuse his actions by claiming he just wanted to protect her from herself and from Justin. The fact that she was still a virgin at almost 26 years old had more to do with career goals and less to do with hormones than was any of his business. When she met the right man, it would be her decision to hold on to her virginity until marriage or to give it to anyone she wanted to. Her decision alone. She grinned as she saw Melissa line up her first sucker. She had just barely beaten the first guy at the pool table-somewhat fumbling and acting as if she were unfamiliar with the game-while flaunting her considerable feminine charms. The next guy up was more of a challenge. He had his own pool stick and looked as if he took this game seriously. This should be fun. Dana turned to the bartender and accepted their drinks after trying to pay for them. Of course, one of the men at the pool table had probably picked up the tab. Dana smiled sweetly at the bartender and took Melissa her drink. "How's it going, Mel?" Dana whispered. "Great! I'm already looking forward another day of shopping tomorrow. What's with the guy at the bar? He's been staring at you since we walked in. What did you say to him?" "What guy?" Dana looked startled. She had been concentrating on Melissa and the guys at the table too much to really notice anyone else. "The guy that looks like sex waiting to happen." Melissa said as she unconsciously licked her lips and stared at him. Dana casually glanced back toward the bar and felt a shock as she realized he was staring at her ass. He lifted his gaze as she turned to look at him. Her eyes locked with the man at the bar. She smiled politely and turned back to Melissa. "You must be mistaken. He seems to be looking directly towards you, Mel." Dana said with resignation. "No way, Day!" She whispered. "His eyes only tracked over here when you walked this way. I don't think he took his eyes off your backside the entire time you were walking!" Melissa gave a delighted laugh as her little sister blushed furiously and stole another glance towards the bar. "Melissa!" Dana didn't know what to say. "Just check it out little sister. I bet if you go back to the bar and sit down one seat closer to him, he will move down and join you." "Melissa, you're crazy! What would a man like that-and I do mean that in the best possible way-want with me?" "Don't under sell yourself, Dana." Melissa quietly but intensely spoke. "Not every man is out to lie to you and try to ruin your life. Some just want to jump your bones! Now, go! I've got things covered here. When I need you, I'll come get you." Melissa turned back to the pool table with her drink and made a smart crack to the men surrounding it. They all laughed and the game was on. Dana moved back to the bar, and taking Melissa's advice, moved one seat closer to the man as she sat back down. He leaned toward tall brunette women himself so at first his interest focused on the older one. She seemed to be humming with anticipation. Her eyes swept the men surrounding the pool tables against the wall with a calculating look. She turned to the little one and nodded to her as she quietly spoke. The little one moved across the bar to the ladies room. Mulder tried to ignore her as too young until his eyes spied her backside as she moved away. This was not the ass of a child. He couldn't tear his eyes off of her. She was not blatantly strutting, but her stride was not that of a young girl either. Her walk spoke of purpose, direction, and good health. And sex. He could imagine how the cheeks of her ass would fill his hands as he pumped into her. Suddenly he realized what he was thinking and mentally kicked himself. Jailbait. Just remember even an FBI agent could go to jail for fucking a minor. He humorlessly chided himself. The farthest thing from his mind should be sex. Mulder settled back against the bar and watched the pool players. The brunette was definitely a hustler. She had the gleam in her eye that only a true player gets. She was good; he was better. He wasn't interested in pool right now. The little blonde walked back through the bar towards her companion (sister? friend? lover?). They spoke quietly for a moment and then she returned to the bar. Mulder was surprised when she asked for two virgin strawberry daiquiris. He motioned quietly to the bartender that he had the drinks. She smiled at the bartender in thanks and took one of the drinks toward the pool table. Once again Mulder was mesmerized with the fluid motion of her butt. He had the good grace to blush lightly as her companion caught his eyes and smiled at him. The little one turned and looked at him after listening to her friend. A blush stained her cheeks as she smiled shyly at him and turned back to her companion. She shook her head in denial but listened as the taller woman spoke quietly to her. She returned to the bar and moved down one seat closer to him. Just one. Mulder felt like she had thrown down the gauntlet. He pushed away from the bar and headed towards the men's room. As he washed his hands he stared at the mirror trying to assess his gut feelings about the situation. Fox Mulder was a damn good-looking man. He knew he could, with little effort have a companion in his bed every night-female or male. When he was in college and graduate school he had gone through periods where this was exactly what he pursued-it wasn't love, but it wasn't bad. His appearance was only one of the many attractive things about him. He was brilliant, driven, and had a killer sense of humor. To even the casual acquaintance, all these things were obvious. However, the most attractive things about Fox Mulder for women, and the major reasons for his success, was his complete lack of self awareness and his ability to totally focus on the female he was pursuing. This was a huge turn-on for every woman he chose. But what did the little blonde see when she looked at him? She smiled the first time and then she had blushed and looked away the second. She blushed. How long had it been since he ran into a woman that was capable of blushing. Most of the women he had met lately were so determined to be liberated that they came across as tough or brazen. They usually could make him blush as they aggressively pursued him. He had a feeling that she was special-aggressive enough to look, but innocent enough to blush. The weeks undercover had been spent in endless days of working out, playing volleyball on the beach and partying. He was tan and fit and well-dressed, but what did she see? He had to find out her age. Everything depended on that one piece of information. He wanted her. As he walked back toward the bar he was just in time to hear her ask for a shot of tequila, a lime and a Corona. The bartender pleasantly told her that her companion would have to order her own drinks-he didn't serve minors. She obviously wasn't pleased with this observation, but was used to it. She started pulling out her identification before he had even finished his spiel. The bartender carefully checked first her driver's license and then her college ID and finally shoved them back towards her with a grunt. "A man can't be too careful, if he wants to stay in business," was his mumbled reply. She gracefully accepted his indirect apology and once again turned to watch her friend (cousin? roommate? sister?) play pool. Mulder stopped at his original seat, but seeing the scraps of his meal still on the bar decided to use it as a good excuse to move down towards her. He didn't move to the stool next to her, but one over from her. It was close enough. She would let him know if she was interested. He stared into the mirror and watched her turn back to the bar. She licked her hand and sprinkled it with salt. She knocked back the shot of Tequila, licked her hand and sucked on the lime. She closed her eyes and allowed the burn of the tequila to ease and then she picked up the Corona and took a sip. She felt his eyes on her and turned slightly to smile. "Bad day?" He said as he nodded toward the empty shot glass with a small smile. His voice was soft, but rough from lack of use. Her eyes locked onto his in almost a look of defiance. He lifted his beer and took a drink. He flashed her his most boyish grin and said, "I know how you feel." She slowly began to smile and nodded her head. "Yeah, I guess you could say I've had a bad day." Her voice was low and cultured with just a hint of a southern drawl. 'She's not from around here' thought Mulder. 'Sounds like an accent from around DC.' He was intrigued. She turned back to watch the pool players again. Melissa was doing just fine without her. "Who's your friend?" His voice came softly from about an inch from her ear. He had moved to stand shockingly close to her-in her personal space. She wasn't startled or frightened or uneasy for some reason. She slowly turned to speak directly into his ear. "My lover." The look of shock on his face was too much for her. Her laughter broke loose and she gently touched his arm. "I'm sorry. I couldn't resist. My sister, Mel. Do you want to meet her?" A look of sadness flickered across her face and then was gone again. "No. I just wanted to know what she was to you." Mulder answered truthfully. "And why would my relationship to her be important to you?" He just took another drink of his beer and gave her a sweet smile. She sharply drew in her breath and held it for a moment. What was going on? Why was this gorgeous man focusing on her? Dana felt strangely excited and at ease at the same time. From a distance, this man was the most beautiful hunk she had ever seen in her life. Up close, he was lethal. What could he possibly want with her? She knew she was not ugly, but beautiful didn't come to mind when she thought about her looks. She knew she was capable and intelligent and strong, but usually men only saw women like Melissa when they went out together. The kind of men who were attracted to her overlooked her shortness, her over-powering intelligence, and her lack of flashy beauty when they came to know her first as a friend. But here was this man, this beautiful man, who obviously was making a pass at her and she didn't know what to do-so she blushed. And then she decided to quit thinking and just enjoy his company. "Does your sister know that the guy she's hustling is an undercover cop?" Mulder rasped. He was amazed at how difficult it was to talk this close to her. Her eyes flew to his, wide with shock. "Undercover cop? How would you know that?" "I used to be in law enforcement." Mulder stuck to the cover story he had been given for the operation. He was a cop with ambitions. He had studied law and had taken the bar exam and was waiting to start over as a lawyer here in California-where his sexual preferences wouldn't be as big a deal as in DC. "Damn! I've got to warn her." "I wouldn't if I were you. It could tip his hand. I have a feeling he's not looking for your sister." "Who then?" She asked staring into his eyes. "I'm going to turn you around and put my arms around you so that I can talk to you while you casually check out all the men at the tables." She felt his hand on her wrist as he pulled her between his legs and gently turned her around. He wrapped her up in his arms and drew her closer to his chest. To anyone watching, he was obviously enjoying a very successful seduction. He lowered his chin to her shoulder and whispered into her ear. "Look around. Do you think you know who the suspects are?" She studied the crowd and finally spoke. "I think it could be the guys in the back by the pinball machines." Mulder pulled away from her and turned her slightly to search her face. "What made you pick them?" He stared into her eyes. Dana felt as if she had lost all control of her mind and her voice under the spell of his eyes. 'Get a grip, Dana. This guy is not only a hunk, but smart. Smart like you. Prove it.' She chided herself. "They seem to be out of place with the rest of the clientele, they have the wrong type of shoes on to be construction workers, they're nervous and keep looking toward the bartender every time he rings up a sale or toward the front door every time someone comes in. They haven't actually drunk any of their beers. Just things like that." She said blushing deeply again as his eyes gazed at her approvingly. 'Good Grief! A woman could get lost in his gaze.' If he didn't quit staring at her she was going to need a pocketful of bread crumbs and a flashlight to find her way out of his eyes. "I'm impressed. You're right on the money. What are you studying in school." "I'm actually out of school. I start my internship in January." "A doctor?" He said with a smile. He was amused at his earlier assumption that she was underage. "Is there something amusing about my becoming a doctor?" She drew away from his arms and gave him one of the patented Scully eyebrow lifts that had backed down bigger and meaner- looking opponents than him. "Please," he said as he reached for her and pulled her into his personal space again. His large, beautiful hands gentling her as surely as his next words. "I wasn't smiling about you being a doctor, I was smiling about my assumption about your age when you first came." "That young, huh?" She smiled as he turned her toward her sister and began to nuzzle her hair. She could hear him inhaling deeply and feel him exhale as his breath moved down her neck to the junction of her shoulder. His hands began to stroke her arms again and she felt his breath mingle with the curls at the nape of her neck just before his lips brushed against her ear. Why was she letting a complete stranger manhandle her like this? She realized suddenly, she wanted him. This was what it was like to desire a man. She had never had this feeling with Justin or any of the other few boyfriends she had had in the past. She could see Melissa giving her strange looks as she became more and more aware of their embrace. Melissa finally picked up her winnings and moved back across the bar to her sister. "Well, this looks cozy." Was all she could think to say. A feeling of deja vu swept over her and she was suddenly not as worried about Dana as she had been only seconds ago. "Are you going to introduce me to your friend, sis?" Melissa smiled into the stranger's eyes. "No." It slipped out before Dana gave it a thought. End Part 2 of 15 Title: What Might Have Been Part 3 of 15 FatCat (FatCat926@msn.com) ***** Early Evening, December 26, 1989 The Surf Club, Oceanside, California ***** "Are you going to introduce me to your friend, Sis?" Melissa smiled into the stranger's eyes. "No," slipped out before Dana gave it a thought. Melissa gawked at her. "I mean, we haven't exchanged names yet." She said as she turned to face the man who was giving her serious thoughts about relinquishing her virginity to a complete stranger. "My name is Andrew Morgan, but please don't call me Andy." He smiled down at her. "I'm. . ." "Her name is Katherine Hennessey and I'm her sister Melody." Melissa suddenly spoke up. If Dana wasn't going to act like she had two brain cells to rub together, she was going to have to do the thinking for her. You never gave a complete stranger your real name in a bar - not this close to a Navel Base where your father and brother were stationed. Dana turned to glare at Melissa. She didn't like lying - even if the lie was a partial truth. "You two have gotten very cozy very quickly, haven't you?" Melissa went on the offensive. Dana and Mulder looked at each other and laughed. "We were discussing the fact that you were playing pool shark with an undercover cop, for your information, Mel." "What? How do you know he's a cop? Oh, my God! Why didn't you warn me?" Melissa was floored. How had she missed those vibes? "Relax, sis. Andrew here was a cop back east and was sure you weren't his target. You weren't in any danger." Dana grinned at her sister. Melissa wasn't sure she liked the way the conversation was going and opened her mouth to speak, but a scuffle over by the pinball machines interrupted her train of thought. The undercover cop and his backup were hustling the two would-be robbers out the door. Obviously, his attention had not been that intent on his pool game. "Well, Mr. Morgan, you were right about the suspects." Melissa said. "Yeah, it was my job for a few years. What's really amazing is that Katherine here figured it out so quickly." Mulder hadn't taken his eyes off the small woman since he heard her name. 'I don't think her name suits her. She's more than a Katherine. She should be called Kat. Sleek, intelligent, and sensual were words that fit her.' Mulder thought as he realized he couldn't break eye contact with Katherine. 'He doesn't look like an Andrew' Dana thought, but mentally shrugged off the feeling. "Well, now that the excitement is over, I think I'll continue to play pool." Melissa said after spending several silent minutes watching her sister gaze into the eyes of the stranger. "Do you want to play, sis?" "Huh? Oh, no, you go on. I'm going to stay here with. . . Andrew." Melissa shrugged and moved back to the pool tables. Dana Scully and Fox Mulder stood staring at each other for several long minutes, not noticing that Melissa had moved away. His arms were still loosely wrapped around her waist and her hands were rubbing up and down his forearms under the open cuffs of his shirt. "You two want another round?" The voice of the bartender broke into their reverent deliberation of each other. "Kat?" He asked. "What did you call me?" She asked with a bemused smile. Melissa's pet name for her, DayKat, echoed through her mind. "Uh, Kat. I can't think you as a Kathy or a Kate. You remind me of a little golden cat my sister had when we were kids. Small and sleek and well mannered while in the house, she would rip the bowels out of a dog that attached her or snap the neck of a rat she was stalking." "I don't know whether to be insulted or complimented." She smiled. "Trust me, it was a meant as a compliment." "What about the drinks?" The bartender intruded again. "I'll just have another Corona, please. The other one is warm." Dana now Kat decided. "I'll have another too." Mulder answered. "Well, if I'm Kat, what should I call you, Mr. Morgan?" She teased looking directly into his beautiful hazel eyes. "My co-workers usually do call me by my last name, but I don't think that's what I want to hear from you." He held her gaze and she could feel her insides melting as his voice grew deeper. He couldn't think of a logical way to get her to call him by his real name. "Why don't I call you Drew?" She managed to say. "Drew is fine for now." He smiled. "Do you want to play some pool or pinball?" "Yes." She said as they moved to the corner where the would-be robbers had been. Melissa watched the two of them surreptitiously as she played pool. Towards 8:30 the place began to fill up and around 9:00 o'clock a small band set up on the stage and began to play. She had very quietly and carefully gleaned a tidy sum of money from the unsuspecting rotation of men at the pool table. Close to midnight, she looked around for Dana and was shocked by what she saw. Her sister, her recently heartbroken sister, was dancing with Andrew Morgan. Dancing was not exactly what came to mind as she watched them move together. Dana was resting her head on his chest and had her arms wrapped around his waist, one hand in his back pocket. Andrew's head was resting on top of Dana's and even from here she could see him gently kiss her hair occasionally. His arms were wrapped around her; one hand was stroking her neck and playing with her hair while the other hand gently but successfully pressed her entire body into full contact with his. They both had their eyes closed and a small smile on their lips. Melissa made her excuses to the men at the table and walked over to Dana. "Sis, it's time to go." When Dana didn't respond, she reached out and touched her on the shoulder. "D...Katherine, I said it's time to go." Melissa spoke loud enough to be heard over the band this time. Dana and Mulder pulled apart reluctantly. Their eyes met and held. "Sure, Mel. Just give me a minute, okay?" Dana said. Her eyes moved to Melissa's and there was a pleading in them Melissa couldn't deny. "Say, are you two hungry?" Mulder suddenly asked. "If you are, we could go back up the coast a little way and get something at a diner I passed." "I'm starved! How about you Melody?" Dana grinned. Melissa knew this was just a ruse to spend more time with Andrew Morgan, but her heart was especially tender towards her sister tonight. "Sure!" She agreed and walked to the door. When she reached the parking lot she turned to wait for them. They came through the door together. He held the door open for her in an old-fashioned, courtly manner. His right hand was on her lower back. Melissa had a sudden feeling of disorientation. She felt like she had seen them walk like this before. In a flash the feeling passed. Andrew Morgan stopped by a small red and white convertible. Dana turned to look at the car and her eyes widened. "Is this what I think it is?" She breathed. "Just what do you think it is?" He questioned her as she walked around the car. "This looks like a 1961 to 1963 Austin Healy E3000 MKII Open Top." Dana was surprised to find Andrew smiling and nodding. "Not many people in the US know a quality car like this one. I'm impressed!" He grinned. "You can thank a broken leg and my younger brother for any and all knowledge I have about cars." His quizzical look was met with a grin from Melody and Kat. "I'll tell you all about it at the diner." Dana said as she moved toward Missy's car. "Kat! Would you ride with me?" He asked quietly. Dana's eyes lit up and she turned to Melissa to tell her. "I don't think so, Mr. Morgan. Katherine and I have only met you and for all we know you could be a serial murderer." Melissa tried to put a humorous spin on the refusal she felt Dana should give. Mulder stepped toward Melody and made sure he was looking directly into her eyes. "I understand your fears for Kat, but please believe me, I would never hurt her. I'll even let her drive and if I make one wrong move she has my permission to wreck my car." Mulder spoke from his heart. Melissa stood still for such a long time that Dana was beginning to be irritated. How dare she try to make up the rules! She wanted to ride in the Austin with Drew. Melissa stepped toward Andrew Morgan and lowered her voice. "I will trust you to the restaurant, but if you do anything to hurt her, I, and her two large protective brothers, will personally hunt you down and you will rue the day you were born." Mulder stared back into the eyes of this fiercely protective woman - her big sister. "I would sooner harm myself than to hurt her and I have no desire for self-inflicted pain. I understand your fears, but please trust me." Melissa allowed her consciousness to reach out and try to reveal any hidden malice or evil. All she could feel from this man was a caring for her sister and a deep, underlying sadness. He could be trusted, she felt it in her gut. "Okay. But she still gets to drive." She said with a small smile. "Done." Mulder grinned back. The little car flew up the coast highway toward the diner they had agreed upon. Dana laughed as she ran the Austin Healy through the gears and increased the speed to a dangerous level. She chanced a quick glance at the man next to her. Instead of concern or fear on his face she was surprised to see a grin of delight. In total accord, she downshifted and made the turn into the diner's parking lot. The little car hit the stones and sand and did a 360 shooting up a rooster tail of debris. They came to a stop expertly parked next to the diner. She threw back her head and laughed aloud. She was as high as a kite on adrenaline and couldn't contain her pleasure another minute. She realized he was still looking at her when she felt a small tug on her neck, pulling her toward him. She looked into his eyes and knew he was moving in for a kiss. Total agreement flashed in her eyes as she moved from passive acceptance to his touch and turned quickly to fully participate in their first kiss. Their eyes met. His asking; hers accepting and throwing the challenge back at him. They were well matched. Their desire to take this a step farther flared and the kiss, first soft and rather innocent, escalated into a kiss of exploration, question, and promise. His hands moved to caress her face, hers to roam through his hair. Only the slamming of Melissa's car door brought them back to reality. They drew apart, but their eyes promised this was not over yet. It was only beginning. ***** Towards Midnight, December 26, 1989 Jack's Diner, Oceanside California ***** Melody, Kat and Drew spent the next two hours getting to know one another. As they ate, talked and laughed their way through memories, the two Scully women realized that all that Drew would talk about was his years at Oxford and in DC. They both realized through their own special logic that Drew's childhood must have been pretty bleak. Dana stored the tidbit away thinking that she could find out later. Melissa opened herself to the aura that Drew was generating and felt like she hit a brick wall. This man was not going to discuss his childhood with either of them until he could totally trust one or both of them. Even though he refused to join in the childhood remembrances, he seemed to enjoy every one of their stories. The softness that laughter gave his face was a beautiful sight for both the Scully's and the obnoxious waitress on the make that hung over him. Dana excused herself and made a quick trip to the restroom. On her way back she bumped into the waitress. A quietly whispered word or two and the ashen waitress was a problem no more. Just to make sure that the problem was solved, she slid into the booth next to Drew. His look of inquiry turned to a sweet smile of welcome as soon as he looked into her eyes. Melissa had watched the event play out and could barely believe what she saw. Dana was not one to take the direct route to get what she wanted concerning men. Her usual course of action was to allow the situation to come to a head and only then speak from her heart if she was asked directly. She turned her curious stare to Drew Morgan and tried to see him through Dana's eyes. Yes, he was a total fox. Yes, he was well educated, intelligent and articulate. Yes, he seemed to care passionately about certain things that Dana held near and dear to her heart. Yes, he was a hunk. Yes, he was graceful and well built, obviously a swimmer or a runner. Yes, he wore clothes like a model from GQ. Yes, he had a definite interest in Dana. These points were obviously easy to agree to. She could see how these things could attract her sister, even as she knew that Dana would deny some of these things were important. As she analyzed Drew's interaction with Dana she became aware of a startling fact. Drew Morgan was outwardly a very together man. But not very far under the surface there was an element of sadness, melancholy, perhaps even a darkness of soul that was equally as attractive to Dana. Melissa was not sure whether or not this was a bad thing. All her life, Dana had been the goody-two- shoes of the family. Always living up to 'Daddy's' expectations had taken the spark out of Dana as she had matured. She had been relieved when Dana chose to attend medical school on the East Coast. Melissa was sure the freedom that distance gave her would allow her to regain that spark. Melissa did not get a bad vibration from the two of them and for that reason alone, she decided that Drew Morgan and his demons may be just what Dana needed right now. Dana had made it through high school, college, and medical school at the top of her class. Now she needed a dose of life to polish off her education. Melissa prayed her intuition was right and Drew would not hurt Dana irreparably. She felt Dana was safe physically, but the mental pain and self doubt she could suffer scared Melissa. Dana started to yawn and stole a quick glance at the watch on Drew's wrist. She was shocked to discover it was after 3:00 a.m. She threw a quick glance at Melissa and realized that she also knew it was late and had her 'Time to go' look on her face. Dana didn't want the evening to end. The pain and humiliation of yesterday was totally overshadowed by the presence of Drew Morgan. She silently begged Melissa for a few more minutes. She was amused to see her raise the Scully eyebrow and nod slightly. Dana turned to Drew to touch his arm but realized he had lifted his arm to lie along the top of the booth parallel to her shoulders. Now she knew what the 'look' from Melissa had been about. 'Smooth move, Drew' she thought. Dana gave her sister a wicked look and a slight nudge of her head toward the door. Melissa smiled but shook her head imperceptibly. Dana countered by turning to Drew and bumping him with her shoulder. "Let's walk outside and wait for Melody." Mulder gave her a slightly puzzled look but said, "Just let me settle the bill and I'm with you." Dana stood up and let him slide out. She watched him walk toward the cash register a decent distance before she flashed her eyes to Melissa and hissed "Just what part of my message did you not understand? I want to say goodbye to him alone." "I know that Dana." Melissa said quietly. "I just don't feel this is the time to say goodbye." "What exactly does that mean Mel?" "I think Mr. Morgan is trying to devise a plan to extend your time together and I don't want to miss one moment of the show." Melissa almost giggled when she saw Dana's look of surprise. "You know I get a feeling about these things, Day. He's hooked." "Do you think so? He's so beautiful. I mean, I know he's also smart and well educated and has a good future ahead of him, but it sure doesn't hurt to have all that wrapped up in one sexy package, does it Sis?" Dana's smile was pensive. "I can't help feeling he's hiding a lot of pain inside. He didn't say one thing about his parents or his childhood. He's quite the enigma." "Enigma or not, he looks at you like you're the one in a million for him." Melissa said. "Why are you suddenly on his side? A couple hours ago you wouldn't even let me tell him my real name." Melissa didn't know how to respond to Dana's question, so she fell back to her superior big sister role. "Just one of my feelings, little sister," she said as she slid out of the booth and faced Dana. A few minutes later, the three stood in the parking lot quietly. Mulder and Dana were looking at each other, unaware that Melissa was watching the two of them. Mulder was getting desperate. All the time he had been at the register paying the bill and walking the two women outside, he had been trying to think of a way to extend his time with Kat. He had never met a woman that stirred him as she did. She had a depth of character that was unusual for a one so young and beautiful. She reminded Mulder of an old soul, someone that had suffered through adversity for a long time and finally triumphed. Not to say that she didn't have a spark of humor and joy. All in all she was - everything. Everything he had ever dreamed about and desired in a woman in one sweet package. He realized he wanted to find a way to contact her when they were both back on the East Coast. He knew that before they parted he was going to let her know the entire truth about him. He wanted to hear her say his name just before he kissed her. He wanted to call her and ask her out as Fox Mulder. He wanted her in his life. Melissa watched the couple in front of her as they gazed into each other's eyes and decided to give them a hand. As smart and intelligent as they both were, they obviously didn't know how to help themselves. "Katherine, it's time to get going. I don't want to be driving around here too much later. You know how dangerous it can be for women to be out alone at night on this road." Mulder turned to her and he smiled. "I would be glad to follow you two ladies home, just to make sure you're safe of course." "Oh Mr. Morgan, you don't have to do that. I'm sure we'll make it just fine." Melissa said drolly. "Drew, that would be great!" Dana smiled. "Maybe I can drive again?" "I don't think so, little sister. If Drew is going to follow us home I have just one provision." She stopped and looked at both of them. They moved slightly closer together and looked at her, expecting that she would demand Kat ride with her. "If you're going to follow us home, Drew has to drive and he has to stay behind me. I trust myself to drive the speed limit and I don't want to explain to our father why either of us were ticketed for speeding this far from home." Dana and Mulder grinned at each other - a reprieve from separation once again. End Part 3 of 15. Title: What Might Have Been Part 4 of 15 FatCat (FatCat926@msn.com) ***** Near Dawn, December 27, 1989 Motel Renaldo, Miramar California ***** During the trip home the two in the Austin Healy were silent. They smiled and touched hands occasionally, but found no reason to speak as the miles slid by. They were content to be together. In the parking lot of Melissa's motel, they were once again faced with separation. The sky was beginning to lighten and dawn was near. Dana and Mulder stood facing each other, holding hands. Dana was chewing her bottom lip. She wasn't sure why she did it, but she blurted out, "I don't think you should drive back to Oceanside right now." Both Melissa and Drew were surprised by her sudden exclamation. "I mean, this time of the morning is the worst time for accidents. Just before dawn the visibility is very poor and the fog along the ocean road can be sudden and unexpected. I. . . I think you should rest here and go back later, don't you Melody?" "Well, I suppose he could use the couch and we could share the bed." Mulder smiled at Kat. "I would appreciate a few hours of rest before the trip back." The layout of the room lent itself to their plan. More a suite than a simple bedroom, it had a large entertainment center between the bed and a generous sitting area that included a comfortable looking couch. Melissa bade them good night and left them alone. Dana and Mulder stood facing each other by the couch. She clutched a pillow and a spare blanket from the closet in her arms. "Will you be okay here?" She asked as she made up his bed. "I'll be fine. Would you mind if I turned on the TV? I seem to sleep better with a little background noise." Dana moved to the entertainment center and opened the doors. She swiveled the TV to face the sitting room and handed Drew the remote. "Sit with me for a few minutes?" Drew held her hand and moved to the couch. Dana smiled and moved with him. He drew her down and pulled her into his arms. They settled into the couch to watch TV but fell asleep right away. ***** 8:00am, December 27, 1989 Motel Renaldo, Miramar California ***** "Bill, no! He's done nothing wrong! Don't you dare hit him!" Mulder was dreaming. He heard his mother and his father fighting again. Bill Mulder was roaring drunk and determined he was going to beat the truth out of that lying little bastard this time. He knew someone had been in his study and made a mess. He knew it was Fox and this time he was going to pay. Fox and Samantha huddled together in their room. Sam was crying because she was the one who spilled the ink but knew Fox would be punished. Fox was crying because he knew that even though he was innocent, he was the one who was going to be beaten. He knew he had to protect Sam, but sometimes he didn't understand why he had to take all the punishment. Better him than Sam or Mom was the only thought he had as his father burst into the room and pulled him to his feet. "I'll show you, you worthless scum. . ." His father ripped Sam from his arms and pushed her across the room. The dream suddenly changed and Fox was no longer a child. He was as big and as strong as Bill Mulder and he wasn't going to take it any more. His father would never hurt him or someone he loved again. He grabbed his father by the shirt front with his left hand and swung a powerful roundhouse with his right, connecting with his attacker's jaw. The man dropped like a stone and Fox pounced on him. He landed a blow or two before he felt two sets of soft feminine hands pulling him away and yelling a strange name. He snapped awake and looked into the worried eyes of Kat. When he looked down he realized the man he had decked was not his father, but a very large, Navy lieutenant with reddish- blonde hair. He groaned and turned back to Kat. "I'm sorry. I guess I was still asleep and responded automatically - I didn't know I wasn't dreaming. Is he okay?" Dana gently squeezed his arm and kneeled beside Melissa to check her brother. He was unconscious, but his pupils were not unevenly dilated so she didn't suspect a concussion. Melissa and Kat exchanged a few quiet words. "Bill Junior will be okay. He's just out cold." She stated the obvious as she stood up grinning. "He really should learn to control his temper." "I think it would be better if you two took off. I can handle our brother when he comes to." Melissa also stood up. "Are you sure, sis?" Dana was anxious to avoid further confrontation but didn't want to dump the dirty work on Melissa. Melissa practically pushed them out the door. "Yeah, you two go on. Just call later and check in." Dana and Mulder stood in the parking lot, suddenly unable to think of a single thing to say. After a silent moment they both spoke. "I'm sorry I decked. . ." he started. "I'm sorry my brother. . ." she started at the same time. They both laughed and he motioned for her to speak. "I'm sorry my brother acted like such a jerk. He's always been overprotective of me for some reason. He's never treated Mel that way, just me." "I can understand a brother protecting his sister. I didn't know who he was. I guess my dream and reality mixed together and I reacted without thinking. Will he be okay?" "Don't worry about Bill. He's led with his chin his whole life and should be used to waking with a sore jaw by now. If he could just keep his mouth shut, he could save himself a lot of grief." They reached the car and stood facing each other. Mulder opened the door of the car and asked, "What would you like to do now, Kat? Are you hungry?" "Not really. It seems like we just left the diner a few minutes ago. What do you want to do?" "Well, I have to get back to Oceanside and either clear out my room or pay for another day. Are you up for another drive up the coast?" "Do I get to drive this time?" she teased. "How about if we split the distance?" he teased back. "You're on." She slid behind the wheel and held out her hand for the keys. He shook his head and tossed her the keys as he moved to the passenger side. They arrived back at Ocean side by eleven. Mulder packed his bag and checked out. He had decided to move down the coast towards Miramar to remain close to Kat for the next few days. While she waited by the pool for him he called his SAC and checked in. Nothing was happening with the case, just as he suspected. He agreed to meet with the entire team of agents at noon on Friday. The SAC warned him once again to stay in character. You could never tell what could happen if he became sloppy. Weeks of undercover work could be blown and more men could lose their lives. He listened to the SAC and grunted his agreement - as if he needed to be reminded about the possibility of more deaths. When he joined Kat his mood was somewhat subdued. "Drew, what's wrong?" "Nothing, just picked up some messages from my service and I have to be back in LA by mid Friday morning. That doesn't give us much time together." "It gives us two and a half days, Drew. My flight leaves on Friday evening." "That still doesn't leave much time for us. I know you'll want to be with Melody and your family." "I spent the week before Christmas with my family. Charlie had to leave Christmas evening and Bill is going to ship out Saturday. I've seen all I need to see of him for this holiday. Melody understands and I can visit with Mom and Dad on Friday, after you leave. Besides, I want to spend more time with you." Dana said softly. Mulder just looked at this incredible woman and thanked what ever stroke of good luck that had sent her his way. "Let's go back down the coast towards Miramar or San Diego and do some sightseeing. I've never been this far south and I think I'd like to take in the sights with someone that knows their way around." "You need Melody for that, Drew. I've been away at college for several years. Everything's changed so much since high school." "Well, we'll just find everything together, if that's alright with you?" Dana laughed. "You're on. I'll even let you drive." They once again drove down the coast towards Miramar. Dana stopped and called Melissa to let her know everything was fine and where they were. They decided to meet Melissa for a late lunch at an old high school hangout. The three had quite an amusing conversation. Between the high school memories and the hilarious tale Melissa told of Bill's awakening, the three barely stopped laughing enough to eat. "So your brother is okay?" Drew finally grew serious enough to ask. "Oh, sure. He just had to think of something to tell his CO about the nifty bruise that matches the outline of your fist on his chin." Melissa started giggling again. "Oh no, Mel! I forgot about his CO!" Dana said laughing but still concerned. "I told him to tell his CO he and his brother were fighting over the last piece of fruitcake and things got a little out of hand before Mom stepped in." At this Dana began to laugh until she started choking. Melissa was no help because she was laughing so hard she was slipping down her chair toward the floor. Mulder glanced from one sister to another then decided Kat needed his help first. He gave her a few sound thumps to the back and handed her a glass of water. He helped a still giggling and boneless Melissa back up on her chair and then waited until at least one of the sisters was sober enough to explain the joke. Both tried to contain their mirth long enough to let Drew in on the family joke, but each time they stole a glance at one another, the hysterical laughter began again. Finally Dana was able to look directly into Drew's eyes and tell him the story of the one and only fruitcake her mother ever made. The fact that her father was going to be home for Christmas was such a big deal her mother had tried to make his mother's famous Christmas fruitcake from her secret recipe. She didn't realize that Mother Scully was as vain about her fruitcake recipe as she was about her son's success in the Navy and had 'inadvertently forgotten' to list a few important ingredients. When Maggie served up the surprise fruitcake to Bill Sr., he had been delighted. The recipe was long and involved and took a good deal of planning and work to keep it a secret - not to mention the effort of soaking it with a fifth of good brandy over a period of several weeks before Christmas. Unfortunately, when Bill had tried to cut the cake it resisted all of his efforts. The cake was hard as a rock. As Bill made his last determined effort to cut the cake it flipped and knocked over the candles of the centerpiece. The entire fifth of brandy seemed to instantly ignite and only the quick thinking of their Aunt Olive had averted a true disaster. She rushed to the kitchen and grabbed the fire extinguisher from the wall by the stove. The foam from the extinguisher smothered the flaming fruitcake, the fire on the roof of the creche in the centerpiece and the linen table cloth that had been in Maggie's family for three generations. While the children looked on at the inferno and then the aftermath with awe and admiration, Maggie had fled the room in tears; Bill Sr. rose more slowly and followed behind her, trying to remove the huge smile from his face. He knew his mother as well as he knew his wife. He had a lot of ruffled feathers to tend to with his wife and after the last three months at sea, he was more than looking forward to the experience. Dana finished her story and chanced a quick peek at Melissa. "I didn't figure out why Aunt Olive made us all go for a walk as soon as we had the dishes done until years later. Even the boys had to help that year." Dana smiled at the memory. "You think the CO will buy the fruitcake story, Kat?" Melissa asked. "Not in this life! You forget Bill's CO is Dad's best friend from the Naval Academy!" And they were off again, Drew joining in this time. "By the way, I picked up your suitcases from Mom and Dad's this morning. I told them you were upset with B.J. and had decided to visit friends in the area for a while. You would be home later in the week to say goodbye." "What did they say?" Dana asked quietly. "Well, neither one of them was too happy that you and Bill Jr. had had another fight, but I explained that this was really the only vacation you would have before you began the hell of internship and residency. They agree it will do you good to relax and have fun for a while." Dana's eyebrow rose as Melissa kept talking. She was certain that was not exactly how the conversation went, but at least she knew she wasn't going to be carried away by several large MP's at an inappropriate place or time. "Kat, do you want to go back to Melody's to change before we do some sightseeing?" "I really think that's a good idea, Drew. I need a shower and a change of clothes. You could take a quick shower too, and Melody can think up some places we should see in San Diego." A little over two hours later, Dana and Mulder were speeding down the coast toward San Diego. They had both cleaned up and when they left, Dana tossed her overnight bag into the trunk of the car with Drew's. Melissa pulled her aside and made her promise to call her frequently to let her know where they were. She wasn't as afraid for Dana as she was worried about having to fabricate a story to her parents. Better the amended truth than a lie to cover up later. They hit a couple of the highlights on Melissa list of must-sees and then decided to take the rest of the day to just rest and relax. End Part 4 of 15 Title: What Might Have Been Part 5 of 15 FatCat (FatCat926@msn.com) ***** Mid afternoon, December 27, 1989 San Diego Hilton, San Diego California ***** Mulder checked them into a suite at an upscale hotel. He didn't want to rush Kat into anything she wasn't prepared for. If she opted to go slow, he wanted her to know he understood. If the second bedroom was used or unused was not as important as her right to define their relationship. Dana realized that the second room displayed his respect for her as a person and as such warmed her heart. They decided to take a swim and lounge by the pool for the rest of the late afternoon. The hotel had a good restaurant downstairs, and there were several popular restaurants within walking distance. They would decide about dinner when they were hungry. Dana was glad she had grabbed a swimsuit when she packed for the trip home. She had been uncertain about bringing it to southern California at Christmas, but the weather this year had been unseasonably warm and dry-in other words, perfect for tourists. Mulder threw his towel and shirt on a chair next to hers and jumped into the Olympic-size pool. He began to swim laps at an amazing speed. The well developed muscles in his back, shoulders, arms, and legs propelled him through the water in a display of athletic ability that bordered on beauty. Dana sat in the lounge chair watching him from behind her sunglasses. She soon realized that she was not the only woman mesmerized by his beauty. Several other women, to the dismay of the men they were with, were watching him in his swimsuit- clad glory. After what seemed like an hour, Mulder slowed and swam back to the area where Dana was reclining. He placed his forearms on the side of the pool and watched her for a moment. "See anything you like Mr. Morgan?" she finally asked. "I certainly do, Ms. Hennessey. Are you coming in or is that suit just for looks?" he teased. "I wouldn't talk about looking good! There's about a dozen women around this pool, who can't take their eyes off you in that suit of yours," Dana teased back. Mulder had the good grace to blush lightly but still managed to tease, "Are you going to join me voluntarily or do I have to come get you?" Dana hadn't been raised with two brothers without learning a thing or two about men. She knew just how to tease to get him to respond exactly the way she wanted. "I don't really want to get my hair wet right now, thanks. Maybe later." She turned her head as if she were going to take a nap. She heard the water stir slightly and felt a few drops of water sprinkle her. Her lips curled up at the edges as she felt him move silently and swiftly to sweep her up in his arms and toss her into the water. She was ready for him and at the last second tossed her sunglasses on her chair, grabbed him around the neck, and wrapped her strong legs around his waist pulling him in with her. The hit the bottom of the pool and surfaced laughing. They pulled away long enough to catch their breath and then began to splash and play tag. He didn't use his superior swimming ability against her and thus they had a fairly even match. His longer reach and her quick reflexes made the game interesting. They finally tired of the horse play and began floating. Mulder climbed out of the pool and retrieved a couple floats for them to use. They floated at the deep end of the pool in relative privacy, alternately whispering to one another and dozing in the warmth of the sun. Dana woke up with the feeling someone was staring at her. She slid her eyes open enough to glance around and realized that someone was Drew. He was on his side with his head propped up on his left hand, gazing at her. She smiled to let him know she was awake. He pulled her float closer to his and he leaned in to touch her. "I think it's time to go back to the room. It may be warm now, but the wind will change in a little while and the air off the ocean will definitely cool things down. Besides, aren't you hungry yet?" "I am getting a little hungry. Where did you want to go to eat?" "I thought about room service tonight," Drew said, but hurried to add, "We can eat on the balcony and watch the sun set." "That sounds nice. Now, if I can just figure out how to get out of the pool without getting wet again, I'll be happy." "Your wish is my command, Kat." Mulder said as he slid effortlessly into the pool and pushed her float to the side. "Just lie still." he said. He lifted her, float and all, and placed her on the edge of the pool without a drop of water touching her. After she rose, he flipped his float on top of hers and used his long, muscular arms to lift himself gracefully out of the water. Dana wrapped her towel around her body as she watched him pick up the two floats and return them to the rack. He had to pass by several of the women who were devouring him with their eyes as he walked to the far side of the pool. She could not see his response to the flirtatious looks and comments they made, but she sure could see their faces. She wished she had thought to bring one of her bikinis, instead of the almost childlike tank suit she was wearing. On his way back she was pleased to see him ignore the beauties bold enough to speak directly to him, his attention was focused on her. When he reached their chairs he scooped up his towel and began to dry his hair. As he sat down to pull on his shoes Dana watched the drops of water glisten on his back. They seemed to roll down his back in slow motion, the sun creating miniature rainbows in the individual drops. She lifted her towel to his back and let her hands caress him as she dried his shoulders and back. Mulder felt the heat of her hands on his back, even through the towel and was paralyzed. He reveled in her touch. His eyes closed as he committed even this casual touch to his cache of memories-memories of Kat he could pull out and relive until the next time he saw her. The touch of her hands ended, but his feeling turned more carnal as she slowly leaned forward and kissed him in the exact middle of his shoulder blades. He drew his breath in sharply as arousal flashed through his body and settled in his groin. This was wonderful; this was terrible. He wanted her lips all over his body. Unfortunately, they were in a public place and he was wearing a bathing suit that barely left anything to the imagination to begin with. He dropped his towel across his hips and turned to face Kat. "I'm sorry. . . I just don't know what came over me. I. . ." she stammered. "You can kiss me or touch me anytime you want to Kat, just be aware of the affect you have on me." He watched her blush as she noticed the definite bulge in his groin that even his towel couldn't entirely disguise. Dana's eyes traveled from his lap up his beautifully developed stomach and chest to his eyes. She cursed her fair skin tone that caused her blushes to be so noticeable. "I guess I'll have to be more careful with my timing," came her implied promise. They sat grinning at one another until a sharp gust of wind off the ocean hit them. They, and most of the other sun worshipers at the pool, quickly packed up and moved back into the hotel towards their rooms. Mulder walked Kat to their suite and gave her hand a quick squeeze. "I'll be out in twenty minutes. Come on out when you're ready. We can order room service when you're done, if that's okay with you." "That sounds great, Drew." Dana looked up at him feeling like a teenager at the front door after a first date. Mulder stood there by her bedroom door, wanting to kiss her again. When she looked up into his eyes, it sealed their fate. He lowered his head slowly toward her, giving her plenty of time to accept the kiss. The excitement of their first kiss at the diner coursed through their bodies, held in check only by their public location. This kiss was as sweet as it was stirring. They both leaned back at the same moment and smiled. "Later," was all Dana could say as she slipped into her room. "Later." Mulder repeated the promise and retreated to his room. As Mulder stepped into his room he automatically flipped on the lights. He stood staring out of the window for a few minutes, thinking of Katherine. She seemed to be everything he had come to desire in a woman. She was strong, intelligent, passionate, and had a wicked sense of humor. Kat had been raised in a close-knit family and had a loving heart and high moral standards. The fact that all of these wonderful qualities came beautifully packaged was a fantastic twist of heredity. He had thought long and hard about women after the debacle with Phoebe. He had jumped into a relationship with her blindly and he had suffered for it. As he worked toward his doctorate in psychology at Oxford, he tried to identify what he wanted in a relationship. One of the first things he realized was how little he actually knew about love. He had not been raised in a loving family. After Sam's abduction, he had become a loner and had few friends and fewer girlfriends. Most of his ideals about love came from his reading and from the few mentors and friends who had given him glimpses of their family lives. After Oxford, he had tried to make it a priority to clarify his needs in a relationship, but his life with the FBI did not lend itself to anything more than casual dates. His job as a profiler had thrown him in with the dregs of humanity, the serial killers and rapists, human monsters with sick and twisted concepts about life and love. He had recognized this from the beginning. In order to survive, he had barricaded his heart from his job and unfortunately that included his fellow employees. The ability to remove his emotions from his work had enabled him to delve into his profiles so deeply and accurately he had earned his nickname of 'Spooky' Mulder. But in his down time, on lonely stake outs, in the early hours of the morning when sleep eluded him, he would occasionally allow himself to fantasize about his dream woman. As he had matured, she changed from someone who closely resembled Sam's Barbie doll to an attractive woman with integrity, depth of character, intelligence, and most importantly, the ability to love. He wanted to fall in love. Katherine Hennessey was the first woman who seemed to meet his ideals. Could Kat love him? When his vision finally re-focused he found himself staring at the king-sized bed that dominated his room. The room was set up for seduction. The view from the balcony, the huge bed with the wall of mirrors next to it, the seductive, indirect lighting all screamed sex. Her room was probably the same set-up. 'What was I thinking? Kat isn't the kind of woman I want to seduce and discard. I want more.' Mulder realized. He didn't want to pressure her even indirectly. Staying in the suite to eat dinner would imply any after dinner activities had to include sex. He made up his mind they would go out to eat and get to know each other better. He shook off the thoughts that had held him and headed for the shower. Dana walked through her room to the bathroom and started her bath. As the tub filled, she returned to call her sister to let her know she was fine. Melissa wasn't in her room, so she left a message. She slid into the huge tub determined to relax. Dana had a date for dinner with Drew and the feeling of apprehension in her stomach needed to calm down or she wasn't going to be able to eat a bite. As the water worked its magic on her tense body, she let her mind float into the free thinking pattern that she used when there was a particularly difficult problem to solve. It was amazing what the difference 24 hours could make. Yesterday at this time she was furious with Bill Jr. and Justin and on the prowl to have some fun. Right now, she couldn't muster up an angry thought. Oh, B.J. was still a jerk, but somehow, seeing him laid out cold on Melissa's motel room floor had taken the edge off her anger. Justin was...Justin was a sad young man who couldn't face life like an adult and accept himself for what and who he was. Dana felt sorry for his indecision, but glad that she hadn't tied herself to him for life. That left the fun to consider. The form of Andrew Morgan floated into her mind's eye. Tall, well-built, dark, handsome, and intriguing, he looked more like the hero in a historical romance than an ex-cop who wanted to be a lawyer. Dana allowed herself to contemplate Andrew Morgan for a few decadent minutes before forcing her mind back to the problem-solving path. What was she going to do about tonight? Andrew was only a few years older than she, but he was much more worldly. He had traveled alone to England and Europe. Dana had traveled with her parents from one base to another, not leaving the safety of her family until college. He was obviously attractive to women thus probably not inexperienced. She had dated, but had never been intimate with a man. Dana sighed. Contrary to what others concluded as the reason she had remained chaste, she knew the truth. Dana Katherine Scully had never felt passion or desire for another human being in her life. Oh, she openly loved her parents and would occasionally admit to loving her siblings-she was passionately loyal to them all. She had felt affection and if she was truthful, she had eventually felt what she thought was love for an occasional suitor. She had been afraid when she was younger that she was incapable of love. While all her friends were drooling over the latest movie or musical heart-throb, she had found them curiously lacking and the mysteries of science more interesting. As she had grown older and gone on to college, she hoped she would find that freedom from familial scrutiny would allow her to engage in relationships that included passion. Dana had been upset at first to realize that nothing had changed. She was, however, intelligent enough to realize that she could sublimate her desire for personal involvement into a zeal for education. Her efforts allowed her to graduate at the top of her class in college and medical school. Dana had accepted her lack of passion. She knew she probably would find a husband eventually, someone she could respect and love, and they would have a good relationship, if not a grand romance. Andrew Morgan changed all her preconceived notions about her life. From the moment she became aware of him at the bar, she had been enthralled. When she thought he only wanted her to introduce him to her sister, Dana had become slightly nauseous. When his interest in her became apparent the nausea went away, but as the evening progressed she did not completely loose the topsy-turvy feeling that made her stomach clench and heat rush through her body from her toes to her scalp when he touched her or looked into her eyes. She was a realistic person. She had pursued a medical career because she could use science to define her reality. Dana knew Andrew was not going to be her future, but for some reason he seemed to want to be with her now. He wasn't going to ask her to run away with him to Mexico. He wasn't going to propose. He probably wasn't even going to call after they parted. But he wanted her right now and she had to decide if that was enough. When she tried to imagine her first sexual encounter with any of the men she had previously dated, even casually, to the experience she anticipated with Andrew Morgan her decision became obvious. Dana wanted to be with Andrew tonight. She didn't want to choose to wait and always wonder and question if she had made the right decision. No matter how much she loved her future husband, she was not willing to forgo a sexual experience with Andrew just to be able to be a virgin on her wedding night. Dana wanted this feeling of anticipation and excitement to be part of her first experience. The future Dr. Dana Scully wasn't uneducated in the basics of sexual intercourse. Her curiosity and keen intelligence had combined to urge a study of human sexuality. She was only lacking in the hands-on department. From her studies, and the information gleaned from her friends in connection with their feelings about relationships, she was certain that sex with Andrew Morgan would be. . . mind-blowing. She carefully backed off this thought and tried to look at it from another angle. Dana needed to be certain that she wasn't acting on negative emotions. She continued to logically weigh the pro's and the con's of the situation. This decision had to be made out of desire, not driven by anger, or spite, or revenge, but driven by passion-passion for Andrew Morgan. ***** Early evening, December 27, 1989 San Diego Hilton, San Diego California ***** Mulder pulled the patio door open and moved toward the railing. He had been waiting for Kat for ten minutes now and was getting nervous. He had called down to the hotel restaurant and made reservations for them in about twenty minutes. Should he go knock on her door and let her know the change of plans? He had just made the decision to go to her when he heard her behind him. He turned around and his heart stopped. Kat was wearing a long satin nightgown with a matching blue robe. The robe was modest enough, that is if you didn't have a lurid imagination that had previously fantasized about the naked beauty of the woman it caressed. The blue of her eyes was matched by the robe. The ecru of the lace trim only enhanced her creamy complexion, making his hands itch to touch her. As his eyes rose to meet hers, he realized she was embarrassed. "Kat," was all he could say. "You're dressed." Dana said with the stain of embarrassment flushing her cheeks. "I obviously have made a mistake here." She turned and fled into her room. Mulder shut his eyes as he threw back his head and sighed in frustration. He had embarrassed her by not letting her know that the plans had changed. She had realized what the original plan was and had dressed accordingly. Did this mean she wanted him as he wanted her? He contemplated if he had destroyed his chance with her. Could she forgive him? He walked quietly to her door and knocked. "Kat, I'm sorry." Silence was all he heard. He knocked again, slightly louder. "Kat? Are you all right?" Moments passed without a sound from within the room and he became more and more agitated. How could he have done something so stupid as to embarrass her? He finally was concerned enough by the total silence behind the door that he tried the knob. It was locked, but he wasn't an FBI agent for nothing. He quickly used his credit card to spring the lock and once again called her name. The bedroom area was empty. The bathroom door was shut but there was no light coming from under the door. He walked to the night stand beside the bed and turned on the lamp to low. He walked to the bathroom door and listened. He could hear her soft sobbing, he knocked and gently called her name. "Kat?" The sobbing immediately stopped. "Kat, are you okay?" After a moment of silence, she answered. "I'm fine. I just need a moment." "Kat!" Mulder leaned his head against the door as he again slumped in despair. "Please, just a moment." "I'll wait." He walked toward the chair but changed his mind. The soft crying noises had begun again, this time quieter as though muffled by cloth. Mulder quietly moved back to the door of the bathroom and very stealthily tried the handle. It was unlocked. He slowly opened the door allowing the soft light from the night stand lamp to illuminate the room. The sight of Kat huddled on the floor of the bathroom was more than he could stand. Her head was buried in her arms atop her knees. All he could see of her was her cap of golden curls and her toes peeking out from under her gown. With a groan of anguish he moved into the room and swept her up into his arms. He hugged her to his chest and started babbling soft apologies to her. Her lack of resistance terrified him more than if she had physically resisted him. He moved back to the bedroom and sat down on the edge of the bed. He held her close for several minutes as her sobbing slowed and came to an end. She tried to squirm out of his arms, still not looking at him. "Please. I need to blow my nose." Even her voice registered the humiliation she felt. Mulder decided he wasn't going to let her go until they were okay again. He reached into his pocket and pulled out the clean handkerchief he always carried. His mother may not have been much on motherly love, but she certainly could give Emily Post a run for her money. He was a gentleman at all times when he was growing up and some parts of it were hard to ignore even to this day. He always could offer a lady a clean hankie. Dana quit struggling and accepted the handkerchief. She wiped her eyes and her nose and wadded it up in her hand, but did not give it back to him. She was still in his lap, the only sound in the room was their breathing and the small supping noises she made trying to calm herself. "May I get up now?" Her icy voice made the formal request. "No." "Why?" This time her voice held an equal part of anger to compliment the ice. "I hurt and embarrassed you somehow, and I don't want to let you up until we talk about this." Her silence was frigid. "I'll start." He was silent for a few moments while he gathered his thoughts. He knew only total honesty was going to salvage this situation. He tightened his arms around her again as if she would disappear. "Well?" Dana finally asked. Was that a slight thaw in the tone of her voice? "I changed my mind about eating on the balcony before I showered. I realized that the whole seduction scene I was planning wasn't good enough for you. I couldn't risk everything on a one shot chance at sex with you. I. . . I want more than that. I want a relationship with you. I was so afraid that you would reject me and disappear that I decided we needed to change the plans and eat in a more public place. I feel that you're special, not the kind of woman that jumps into a man's bed casually. I thought you might need to take more time to know me and let me get to know you. Can you understand that?" "Yes," came her soft reply. "I had just decided to let you know about the change of plans when I heard you behind me." Again he was silent as he relived the moment he had first seen her standing in the doorway, looking like an angel in her beautiful lingerie. "I couldn't speak. You looked so beautiful, so desirable, I wanted to cancel the reservations and make love with you all night." The husky rasp of his voice told her this was the truth. "When you just stood there looking at me, I thought you were trying to find a tactful way to let me know you weren't really interested in sex with me." Her voice was slightly muffled because she had moved to bury her face in the crook of his neck. "Not want you? Why would you think that? I've done nothing but struggle to keep from being arrested for lewd behavior since the moment I first saw you." He pulled away slightly to look at her. "What ever made you think I, or any other man, wouldn't kill to be with you? I know some men who would re-think their commitment to their marriage after meeting a woman as desirable as you." He was stymied by the mystery and contradiction of this woman. "Kat? How could you have those fears and still come to me dressed like a vision?" Dana expelled her breath with what sounded suspiciously like a rueful laugh and then started to laugh in earnest. "What's so funny?" Mulder was glad to hear her laugh, but wanted in on the joke. "You said 'vision'. I thought you said 'virgin'." She laughed harder. Her laughter became almost hysterical before she was able to slow it down to a chuckle. "And that's funny?" He was unable to follow her logic, but her laugh was infectious and he smiled with her. She soon became weak with laughter again and fell backwards on the bed, breaking the hold of his arms. Dana finally sobered enough to speak again, and she opened her eyes to watch his face as she explained her remark. "I thought you said virgin because you see.." Dana began to blush again. "I guess I should start at the beginning, but damn. . . it's so hard." Once again the tears threatened to overwhelm her and she closed her eyes. Mulder reached over her and switched off the light. He moved to the top of the bed and settled her comfortably into his arms again before he spoke. "Sometimes, things are easier said in the dark. Don't cry Baby, talk to me." As he murmured these words, he began to slide his hands up and down her back and arms in a comforting manner. He could feel her relax under his touch and hope that this misunderstanding could be mended began to grow. Dana was mesmerized by the comfort Drew's hands rubbing her back and shoulders provided. The same hands that had excited and enflamed her now were soothing and gentling her. She snuggled deeper into his embrace and decided to tell him the whole story. She began with her confrontation with Bill and Justin yesterday, moved on to explain her road trip with Melissa and finally came to the hardest part of all. Through out the explanation Drew remained silent even though he was confused as to how this all effected their relationship. "Drew, my brother Bill Junior is very protective of me, unrealistically protective. He knows that I have never had a serious relationship - I've never devoted time to anything but my studies. Bill verbally attacked Justin because he saw him as a threat to my future. He wanted to expose his weakness to me so that I would dump him and refocus on my medical career." "When Bill saw us together this morning and he attacked you it was because he saw you as the ultimate threat to his and the family's expectations for the little sister. He saw you as a man that could change my entire future. He saw you as the man that wanted me, Kat-not St. Katherine, the Untouchable, nor future Dr. Katherine wealthy-wife material. Do you understand what I'm trying to tell you?" Dana hoped that her explanation was enough. She didn't want to have to blurt out the words 'I am a virgin' to Drew. Mulder had an uneasy feeling about Kat's explanation. Either her brother was harboring incestuous feelings for her or. . he froze. "Kat! Are you a virgin?" Mulder said as he moved away slightly, trying to see her eyes. He wished there was a full moon tonight instead of the new moon that did nothing to bring light into the room. He could not see her cheeks redden, but he could feel the heat of her blush on his shoulder even through his shirt. "Yes." Came her simple reply. End Part 5 of 15. FEED ME SEYMOUR! ***** Mid-evening, December 27, 1989 San Diego Hilton, San Diego California ***** "Kat! Are you a virgin?" Mulder said as he moved away slightly, trying to see her eyes. He wished there were a full moon tonight instead of the new moon that did nothing to bring light into the room. He could not see her cheeks redden, but he could feel the heat of her blush on his shoulder even through his shirt. "Yes." Came her simple reply. A moment passed as he tried to reconcile her admission with her appearance at the door to the balcony earlier. "Yet you came to me knowing what I probably had planned? You came to me willingly?" His voice was a hoarse whisper. "Yes." "Why?" He asked softly. Dana pulled out of his arms and turned her back to him as she sat up on the edge of the bed. She wrapped her arms across her torso as if she were frightened or freezing. "Why?" This time with more force. She took a deep breath and began to speak. She couldn't turn around and face him, but she felt he deserved the truth. Dana very concisely detailed her entire thought process of the earlier evening. Nothing was held back. She was brutally honest with her evaluation of her emotional abilities as well as his ability to enflame her. She listed the pros and cons to him as she had earlier to herself and then very quietly told him her conclusion. "I decided I wanted you. I have never felt excited by the prospect of sex before, but I am excited by the thought of sex with you. I know you aren't in love with me. I know it's not forever. I fear you'll find our time forgettable. But I know I will remember my experience with you for my entire life and I will measure my desire for you to every man I date in the future." His silence terrified her. She felt him sit up but he didn't touch her. Dana finally couldn't stand the suspense any longer and turned to look at him after she switched the lamp on low. The look on his face would have been comical if so much wasn't riding on his response. He looked as if he were terrified and bemused at the same time. "Drew, what are you thinking?" "I'm amazed," was all he could say. Mulder's mind was running in circles at a thousand miles a minute. Kat wanted him. She was a virgin. Kat wanted him. She thought it wasn't forever, but she wanted him. Kat had used her magnificent mind to decide she wanted him. She came to him like a bride-pure and loving. Kat wanted him. And he wanted her. 'Okay, Mulder,' he thought, 'Kat wants you so why are you hesitating?' "Have you changed your mind about wanting me now that you know I've never done this before?" Mulder looked at her, shocked by her question. "Kat, to be truthful, your admission of virginity scares the hell out of me, but it doesn't lessen or increase my desire for you. I know most guys would jump at the offer you're making. I just... I guess I want more than tonight. Damn, I feel like we've exchanged roles. You are willing to accept me for what is essentially a one-night stand and I want a chance at more." Now his admission shocked her. "More? Define 'more'," she whispered. "I'm not sure I can. I know I have never been more bemused with a woman than I am with you. We've only kissed a couple times and you've tied me in knots. I have had casual sex with women I've picked up in bars before, but not one of them affected me like you. Usually it was just sex. Something necessary to fill a need that we both had at the moment and when the moment was over, so was the relationship. Can you understand what I mean. Don't get me wrong, it's not happened that frequently, but it has happened." He looked at her to see if she was following him. "When I first saw you, I thought you were going to be a pleasant diversion from a troubled week. But..." His voice trailed off as he remembered their first hours together. "But?" she prompted. He grinned sheepishly at her as he realized he was lost in the pleasant memories of their meeting. "But when we touched, when we began to talk, when you identified the perps the undercover cops were after, it all changed. I didn't want you just for a one-night stand. I wanted more. I wanted to talk to you and to get to know everything that you would share with me. I wanted to dance with you. I wanted to call you up and ask you out. I wanted to take you to a movie and to get something to eat. I wanted you to want me, even after you got to know me." His fingers caressed her cheek as he looked into her eyes. "I wanted more. I still do. I know you're going back east Friday and I may never see you again. I don't want that to happen. I'm only out here temporarily and I will be back in DC at some point. We could find out what more means together." Mulder searched her eyes for a clue to what Kat was thinking. Her silence suddenly made him nervous enough to say, "But if this moment is all you are willing to offer me, this night, or this week, I accept. I want you to know how I feel." The continued silence was growing more uncomfortable for Mulder. He had laid his soul out on the line for her and she was still thinking about all he said. Finally Dana spoke. "I need a little time to process all this information, Drew. I think we should..." Her next words were drowned out by the loud and embarrassing sounds of Mulder's stomach growling. They both began to laugh, relieved to be able to drop the intense discussion for a few minutes. "I think we should order something to eat from room service and feed you before you expire, Drew Morgan." She laughed. "I agree," he said as he gave her a quick kiss to the temple and rolled off the bed. "Is there anything in particular you would like me to order, Kat?" he asked as he moved to the living room. "Something light, fruit maybe or a salad. I'll be out in a few minutes, okay?" He smiled again and the tension eased and they fell back into the patterns of banter they had originally established. "Don't tell me you're going to change into something more comfortable!" He teased as he once again looked at her gown and robe. Dana just smiled and closed her bedroom door behind him. She came out a few minutes later in a tee shirt and a pair of sweats. "I was just teasing about changing clothes, you know." Mulder softly said as she joined him on the couch. "I felt I would be more relaxed eating if I changed," Dana smiled. The pizza and the fruit salad from room service arrived before they could become uncomfortable. After they ate, they stayed on the couch talking into the late hours of the night. They shared parts of their childhoods with each other, parts of their dreams for the future, and while they had diametrically different backgrounds and childhoods, they found the debates that were triggered by these differences both challenging and entertaining. They had moved closer together as the evening progressed. Mulder was not surprised to feel her body become more relaxed and eventually during a lull in the conversation, Kat fell asleep in his arms. He moved her into a more comfortable position and watched her as she slept. He was so amazed by this small woman. Though physically petite he could feel the strength of character, mind and body she extruded. He didn't know why she affected him as she did. He didn't believe in love at first sight, did he? When he thought he loved Kelli, his one high school romance, he didn't feel this way. Only his libido was engaged by Kelli, but he thought it was love at the time. When he thought he was in love with Phoebe, it was somewhat different. He believed he was in love with her, mind and body, but he had been wrong. When he met Phoebe he was ready to fall in love with the concept of being in love. He soon learned that Phoebe was anything but the embodiment of love. He didn't hate Phoebe, but he came close to it when the nightmares expanded to include her and her vicious mind games became part of the horror that plagued his nights. Mulder knew he had a poor track record with love, but he felt Katherine Hennessey was someone he didn't want to screw things up with. It could be real love with her. When they were together he felt a satisfaction of soul he had never felt before. Even the thoughts of the case from Dana Point seemed more manageable with her there. He continued to contemplate their future relationship as he fell asleep. Dana woke a short time later. She was surrounded by warmth, strong arms held her. She inhaled quickly and realized where she was. She was lying with Andrew Morgan on the couch of their suite. She snuggled closer to Drew and started to think. Drew wanted her, just as she wanted him, but he also wanted more. He wanted a chance at a relationship. Could she see herself in a relationship with this man? After he found out she lied about her name, would he still want to see her? So far he had told only the bare facts about his life. He didn't seem to be lying or hiding things from her, he just was more interested in her than in himself. What a concept! A man that wanted to focus on her rather than himself. And what a man. He was brilliant, driven, compassionate and gorgeous. Yes, if she were truthful with herself she could see a long term relationship with this man. While she was being so brutally honest, she admitted to herself that she was probably already falling in love with him. Did she still want to have sex with him? Yes, but she realized that the only kind of sex they would have would be making love, not simple sex-definitely not fucking. The thought of making love with Drew gave her a shiver of excitement. The movement was small, but it served to wake Drew. "Hi," he smiled. "Hi," Dana smiled back. "Did I wake you?" "Mmmm, if you did it's the best way to wake up," he smiled as he hugged her tighter. "Shhh! Don't wake up, let's go back to sleep." "Kat, if we're going to go back to sleep, let's do it in bed. A five foot long couch isn't comfortable for a six foot tall guy." Mulder's smile intensified as he teased her. She hugged him again and stood up. He rose to stand beside her and was surprised when she turned to walk away. "Kat!" was all he could say. Dana turned and looked at him with a look of resignation on her face. He wanted to go back to sleep. He was joking and friendly, and he obviously didn't want her. She couldn't look into his eyes; she was afraid of the rejection she would see. "Kat," his voice was a rough whisper. She slowly raised her eyes to his. He didn't say another word, he beckoned to her with his open arms. All her fears and insecurities had tried to overwhelm her again, but the sight of him standing there, waiting, asking silently for her to return to him gave her the strength she needed. Dana took a deep breath and chose love. Kat walked into his arms and hid her face against his chest. He embraced her and held her as if he would never let her go. They were swaying gently side to side as he silently praised her for her bravery. Mulder's hand slowly moved from her back to stoke her cheek. He lifted her face to kiss her lips. The kiss went from soft and gentle to hot and passionate and they parted, panting. As they stood gazing at each other Mulder made his decision. "I want you, Kat. I know this is a bigger step for you than it is for me. I want to assure you that I just had my physical at work and you don't have to worry about catching anything. But, I have to be honest with you, if we kiss again, if I touch you once more, I won't be able to stop. You need to be sure this is what you want." "Drew, I've already decided that this is what I want. Um, you don't have to worry, I'm on the pill for medical reasons, and I don't have anything either. I was afraid that you had changed your mind about wanting me." "Never," was all Mulder said as he swept her up into his arms and started toward his bedroom. Her lips on the side of his neck caused him to groan and stop in the doorway to kiss her. Their lips met and a jolt of need jarred him to the soles of his feet. He wanted to stay right where they were and rip her clothes off. A vision of him shoving her against the wall and thrusting his cock into her with one violent stroke flashed through his mind. He could almost feel his release as they stood there. He fought for control. He didn't want to hurt or overwhelm Kat with his need. The thought that he would have been better off if he had masturbated before touching her flashed through his mind for a second but he realized that even that probably wouldn't keep him from this feeling of frenzy. Dana realized Drew was trying to calm himself. "What are thinking?" she whispered. Words failed him. He shook his head and then lowered his lips to hers again, keeping the kiss soft allowing her to gentle him. When he ended the kiss he was finally able to speak. "I need you so much, Kat. I'm afraid I'm going to hurt you. I want to make slow, sweet, tender love to you, but my body wants. . ." He groaned again as she ran her fingers through his hair. "If you keep touching me and kissing me like that I'm not sure I can be responsible for what happens." "Drew, I trust you. I know you wouldn't do anything to hurt me. Believe me, nothing you have planned will scare me or disgust me. I may be a virgin, but I've done a lot of research about what I've been missing. I know it will be physically uncomfortable for me at first, but I have so many questions that research cannot answer and I'm counting on you to help me satisfy my curiosity. Take me to bed, Drew. I want to have my way with you." The last was said with a gleam of mischief in her eyes. Mulder laughed out loud and tossed her up in the air high enough to elicit a matching laugh from Kat. "That's my little wildcat!" He walked into his bedroom and tossed her on the bed. He switched on the light and started to crawl in to lie beside her, but she sat up quickly and stopped him. "Wait. I want to undress you first," Dana said as she stood up beside him. "I need to see you." Her hands moved to pull his shirt from the waist band of his jeans. He raised his arms to help her and then let his hands fall on her shoulders as she tossed his shirt toward the corner. This assertive side of Kat pleased him. He wanted her to enjoy this experience as much as he and knew her active participation would increase her pleasure. She stood quietly looking at his bare torso for a few moments. "Um, Kat, do you need help with the next part?" Mulder teased. "Please Drew, I'm savoring the moment," she grinned up at him playfully. "My, my, what a beautiful chest you have, Mr. Morgan" Dana lifted her hands to his chest and began to stroke him. Her fingers fluttered over his small, brown male nipples, inciting them to grow more rigid at her touch. Her hands continued to explore all the taunt muscles of his chest and abdomen. Mulder groaned and let his head fall back. This lured her eyes to his long muscular neck and she moved closer to press little bites and kisses to it. Dana continued to kiss, lick, and bite him from his clavicle to his chin, stretching up on her toes to reach. Her hands continued to explore his back and sides. "My, my, what a delicious neck you have, Drew Morgan," she met his eyes and grinned again. Mulder groaned and tightened his grip on her shoulders. "Kat! Please!" was all he could say. Dana smiled a secret little smile and moved back to allow her hands to move to the button on his jeans. She knelt and slowly unzipped him, moving his pants and his boxers down over his erection carefully. She stopped midstream to contemplate the surprise she had uncovered. She looked up at him with a dazed smile. "My, my what a beautiful cock you have, Drew. It looks good enough to eat," Dana said as she licked her lips and grinned. His eyes drank in the sight of her kneeling with her head even with his cock. "All the better to make you scream with, my Dear." He fell into her teasing mode. Dana continued to smile as she slipped his shoes off so that she could completely remove his jeans. She stopped and looked up his body into his eyes, hesitating for a moment to contemplate his magnificent erection. His eyes looked black instead of the kaleidoscope of green, gold and brown she was used to. She pulled a blanket from the bed and folded it into a pad to kneel upon. She removed his sox and finished undressing him. Dana moved her hands to his legs and began to stroke up the back of his calves to his thighs. If possible, his erection became larger. His breathing grew more erratic as he realized what she had in mind. "Kat, you don't have to..." "Shhh. I know I don't have to do anything, but this is one of those things I've been very curious about." As she spoke she moved her right hand toward his balls and her left hand to cup his butt. "There are varying opinions on the benefits of fore play that includes fellatio and cunnilingus. Since I began studying human sexual reproduction I have been intrigued by the heat of the arguments presented both pro and con. I have many, many unanswered questions that only hands-on experience can answer. You are going to allow me to experiment so I can draw my own scientific conclusion, aren't you?" Once again Mulder was overwhelmed by her curiosity, her humor, and her courage. "Well, in the interest of science..." he teased back. It was the last coherent words he was able to utter for some time. Dana pushed on his right leg so that his stance gave her better access to him. She began to stroke his erection with her fingertips, marveling at the various textures she felt. He was circumcised so she was able to easily see the drops of pre-cum that began to form at the tip with her first touch. The veins in his penis were well defined, yet the entire texture of his cock reminded her of the soft skin of a baby. His penis was hard, long and thick. She remembered Melissa telling her the only men who were worth a damn to a woman had a cock like Drew's; now she would know what she meant by that remark. The hair around his groin was surprisingly dark and thick. She thought it would be blonde or brown like the rest of his hair. The deep color seemed to be right for him and she gave it no further notice. The texture of his scrotum surprised her. His balls seemed to be hot and hard to the touch. There was no extra skin evident. They too were nestled in dark hair. She lifted them in her hands, squeezing them gently as if measuring their weight. Drew inhaled deeply. She applied more pressure as she squeezed and a groan of pure pleasure was Drew's response. She stored this tidbit of knowledge away for another time. She lowered her face toward his groin. She rubbed her cheek and nose against the soft hair around his cock. She drew in the scent the was uniquely Drew Morgan. He smelled like musk and soap and something else she was unfamiliar with. She rocked forward on her knees and gasped as a shock of desire pulsed through her. Dana began to kiss the length of his cock to the tip. She laved her tongue along the entire length and back down to his balls. She opened her mouth and gently sucked on each in turn. The tension in Drew's body built each second her lips were in contact with him. Grasping his cock in her hand and stroked the skin forward toward the tip, her tongue flicked the drop of pre-cum off the end as her fingers slid back down his cock. The taste was slightly salty, but not unpleasant she realized as the heat in her center began to spread and throb. She began to tense and release her vaginal muscles. Mulder shuttered and groaned. He fought with every fiber of his being not to ejaculate at each new touch of her hands or mouth. Dana realized he was too large for her to take more than a few inches of his cock into her mouth without her gag reflex kicking in. She grasped him with both her small but strong hands, leaving the top few inches open. She began to rhythmically stroke his cock, eliciting a sharp intake of breath by Drew. The rhythmic motion fed her desire to capture the elusive feeling that was beginning to build in her center. Dana's eyes were drawn up to Drew's face. She was amazed how the sight of his pleasure, the sounds of his voice and the touch of his cock could stimulate her arousal so intensely As she quickened the pace, felt him tensing the muscles of his legs. His breathing grew more and more erratic. She lowered her mouth to cover the end of his cock. She had never done this before, but fell back on her studies to tell her what to try. She licked, and sucked and kissed him, enjoying the taste and texture of him, never breaking the rhythm of the deep strokes of her hands. Everything she did seemed to increase his pleasure and thus to amplify her own. Mulder moved his hands to her hair. He didn't hold her head or try to guide her, he just want to run his hands through the short blonde curls as she tasted him. He was so turned on by her touch alone that everything she did drove him closer and closer to the edge. Dana found the spot on the underside of the tip of his penis that drove him wild. She ran first her lips then her teeth over it as she continued to suck harder. Mulder began to pant. The burn that started in his lower back had moved lower and he could feel his balls clinching, ready to release his load. "Baby, I'm going to come," he growled. "Kat! Please, I can't stop." She knew he was trying to give her time to back off. When she had started she wasn't sure she wanted to take this to orgasm, but she hadn't counted on her arousal building to this level. Tonight, with this man, she wasn't 'Dana the Goodie-Two-Shoes', she was 'Kat the Curious' and her only response was to increase her suction and the rhythm of her strokes. Mulder's hoarse groan echoed through the room. He ejaculated so hard and so long that he almost lost consciousness. His knees buckled and he fell backwards onto the bed. His harsh breathing was the only sound in the room. As soon as he could raise his head he looked towards Kat. She was crawling up onto the bed with the most amazingly satisfied look on her face. Mulder stretched out his hand and Kat moved into his arms. He held her close to him and kissed her everywhere he could reach. "I've never felt anything more incredible in my entire life." Drew's honesty amazed her. "Give me a moment and we'll continue your research," he teased. Dana laid in his arms and felt completely surrounded by his warmth. This was only the beginning, what would the rest be like? The throbbing pulse in her center had lowered to a warm burn when she moved to the bed. If she were honest with herself, she would have to admit the major reason she had avoided sex was the loss of control. Drew had allowed her to take the initiative in their foreplay and it had created a level of arousal and trust she had not expected. He had given her his beautiful body freely; could she do less? Her mind couldn't rest, nor could her hands. She stroked his chest and shoulders. The heat that had suffused her body when she was touching and kissing him grew and seemed to melt the fear of being out of control that ruled deep inside her. She felt moisture in the crotch of her sweats and knew it was due to her arousal. She wanted more. Mulder fought sleep. Kat's luscious mouth and strong hands had drained him. His body cried for rest but as oxygen returned to his brain his mind raced with the possibilities of the night. "Drew, if you're tired we could just go to sleep." Kat's voice held a teasing note, but he could tell that she was offering him rest. "Kat, as soon as I catch my breath, you are going to be well and completely loved." Mulder gave her a teasing leer. "One can only hope, Mr. Morgan," she teased back in an unintentionally sexy voice. Mulder groaned as a wave of arousal washed through his gut again bringing the beginnings of the tingle in his balls and stirring of his cock. He was only mildly surprised it was happening so quickly. He knew it was all about Kat. He raised up so he could look into her eyes. They stared at each other for a moment before he lowered his lips to kiss her, wanting to taste himself on her lips. He began to stroke her neck and shoulder, but drew back as if surprised. "One of us has entirely too many clothes on, Kat. And I intend remedy it right now. If you have any sentimental feelings for your clothes, I suggest you help me remove them now or. . ." "Or?" she challenged him. "Or I'll rip them off you." He grinned to let her know he was only halfway teasing. He rose from the bed and pulled her to her feet. Their fingers were intertwined and they stood just inches from one another. He slowly moved his hands to her tee shirt. "I wanted this since the moment I laid eyes on you." Mulder pulled her shirt over her head and stood looking at her. Dana wasn't wearing a bra under the tee shirt and the revelation of her beautiful, lush breasts nearly sent him to his knees. Her breasts were in perfect proportion to her tiny waist and rounded hips. Her skin was pearly white, almost glowing in the dim light. Her areolas were small, a shade of light pink each punctuated with a deep rosy pink nipple. Mulder lifted his hand to touch her and was amazed to realize it was trembling. Sliding his other hand up her side hooking his thumb under her other breast, he wrapped his fingers around her and applied just enough gentle pressure on her back to keep her from stepping away. He didn't want to pressure her, but he needed to touch her, now. His fingers stroked across the side of her breast, sliding under and lifting the fullness in his hand as if weighting it. He circled her areola with a gentle stroke of his fingers and watched in amazement as it pebbled. Her nipple hardened and seemed to grow longer, anticipating his touch. She made no move to cover herself or to step away. In fact she moved into his caress, and he lifted his other hand to copy the touch on her other breast. Dana watched his face as he stroked her. At first she watched because she was afraid he would be disappointed by the size of her breasts, but then she was fascinated by his response to her. His lips parted and his breathing quickened. She knew that the flush of arousal she saw on his face was duplicated on hers. Mulder was mesmerized. The beauty of her breasts, her responsiveness, the softness of her skin was all and more than he expected. "Kat, you're beautiful," he breathed. "Did I tell you I'm a breast man?" He teased as he lowered his head to taste her. His lips parted and he gently ran his teeth across her nipple then softly laved it with his tongue. His fingers moved to roil and stroke her other nipple. Dana bit her lips, trying to stifle the groan of pleasure that radiated from her breasts to every part of her body. The feel of his lips on her breasts was causing the heat between her legs to increase. She squirmed, moving her legs, trying to create enough friction to relieve the ache she felt building there. As slight as her movement was Mulder caught it. He smiled against her nipple and kissing his way across began to worship her other breast. This time his hand began to stroke down her torso and around her waist to her back. He palmed the cheek of her ass through her clothes and pressed her into him. Her response was immediate. She began to grind her mons against him, seeking any relief from the ache he was creating. He began to suckle her breast, still caressing her ass as he gently lowered her to the bed. Dana gasped when he began to suckle. The heat this feeling caused was greatly increasing the possibility that she would have her first orgasm, if that truly was what was happening, without penetration of any sort. The thought that Drew could bring her to orgasm so easily made her moan and writhe under him. He sucked hard on one breast then the other. Dana could hear a soft 'pop' when he released her nipple and began to kiss down her abdomen to her navel. His tongue swirled around and then darted lower, stopped by the waistband of her sweats, riding low on her hips. He tugged on the string, loosening it, but not sliding her sweats down. He continued to taste her as his mouth moved back up her body to once again claim her lips. His hands were everywhere. "Drew, why did you stop? You're driving me crazy," was all she could say as he engaged her lush lips again. End Part 6 of 15 Title: What Might Have Been Part 7 of 15 FatCat (FatCat926@msn.com) ***** Late evening, December 27, 1989 San Diego Hilton, San Diego California ***** "Kat, don't you save the best for last at Christmas? That one present you want more than anything in the world to open, isn't that the last one, the best and finest held back to the end?" Mulder's lips traveled back down to her neck. The kisses deepened as he marked her as his. He sucked on her neck at the junction with her shoulder, just above the vein that throbbed there. In a move Dana never saw coming, he flipped her over and straddled her hips. He leaned over her and began to kiss the back of her neck, his breath teasing her wispy blonde curls. His fingers were running through her hair and the newly shorn locks curled with a life of their own around his fingers. Little shivers of excitement scampered throughout her as his lips, and tongue, and hands moved down her spine and then over her entire back. Mulder stroked his hands down her arms, starting at her shoulders, bring her arms out at right angles from her body. He linked his fingers through hers and lowered his warm chest gently to cover her. She was so small compared to him. He buried his face in her neck, close to her ear. She could feel his hot breath cascade around her neck and back as he whispered her name. His erection long, hard, and hot stroked her through her sweats. "Did I ever tell you I'm a back man?" he teased. Once again he began to kiss down her spine as he scooted down her thighs. His hands gently bringing her arms to rest parallel to her body. Dana had closed her eyes, but was far from asleep. His worship of her body was inciting heat to build in her. It started in her spine as his kisses teased her and moved up through her shoulders, neck and caused an explosion of hot want in her brain. A matching heat moved toward her vagina and incited tiny contractions. 'How can I stand more of this sweet torture?' she thought with her emotional side. 'Whooboy! He hasn't even removed your sweats yet, Dana!' piped in her rational side. She felt as if she were going into sensory overload. Mulder continued to kiss down her spine and met the roadblock of her sweats once again. His large hands moved back up the outside of her arms and down her sides, moving under her to stroke her breasts, giving each nipple a gentle tweak, and then back down to her hips to settle on her sweats. "Raise your hips, Kat," he growled. Shifting back onto her knees, she moved her hips up as he slid her sweats and underpants down her body and tossed them aside. Dana slid back down on the bed. His silence once again allowing her feelings of inadequacy to take over. "Are you still there, Drew?" she had to say. "Shhh. I'm savoring the moment," he repeated her words to her in a shaky voice. "Oh," came her quiet reply. Mulder was feasting his eyes on her. Naked at last, her body was one long sleek line of beauty. He marveled at how such a small woman could be so perfectly formed and proportioned. She could be an Amazon, seven feet tall or a perfect marble rendition of woman you could hold in your hand. The trembling returned to his hands as he moved to touch her again. "Kat," he could barely speak. "You are magnificent." He ran his hands down the entire sleek line of her body, from neck to toes. His mouth lowered to her back, just above the gentle swell of her ass. Dana clamped down her vaginal muscles and groaned as he kissed and licked the dimples he found there. He once again began to worship her with his body. When he had kissed and stroked every inch from her waist to her toes, he moved back up her body and she was surprised to feel him slide his arms around her upper thighs as if in an embrace. He rested the side of his face against her ass for a second, then began to rub each of her sweet, heart-shaped butt cheeks with his beard-stubbled cheeks, stopping to let his lips and tongue deify areas he recognized as precious. The friction of his overnight beard growth tickled and excited her at the same time. She began to move again, trying to ease the ache between her legs with some small friction. Mulder slid one hand up to her waist again, caressing every inch of skin along the way. His lips and tongue moved to kiss the top of her thighs and the crease joining her butt to her legs, first left then right. Dana felt him hesitate as he moved from one leg to the other. He inhaled deeply, but moved on. Once again he sighed. "Now, what am I going to do? I think I'm an ass man and a leg man, too. Maybe I'm just supposed to be your man," he said as he once again raised up over her, but to one side. He executed the same smooth move and flipped her over, exposing the entire front of her body to him. She felt like she should be angry with him for treating her like a rag doll, but in fact she was excited by his strength. 'One flush of hormones and my entire paradigm shifts,' she mused. Mulder wanted to see her eyes. He locked his hazel gaze to her blue and searched for the reassurance he needed to take this to the final stage. Kat's eyes were no longer sky blue. The pupil was so black and enlarged her eyes looked navy. His eyes swept down her body and came to a screeching halt at her mons. His breathing, already heavy, became erratic and his mouth began to water. He slowly shook his head side to side, as if to clear his vision. "Kat!" was all he could say. He extended his right hand to touch her, not quite brave enough to make contact. She had obviously either shaved or waxed her entire vaginal area. He was already aroused by their explorations, but he felt a flare of desire so intense it felt as if he were burning alive from his scalp to his toes. His erection, already hot and ready actually seemed to swell to an even more impressive size. Dana watched him as he stared at her. She suddenly felt uncomfortable with his intent look. "I had a body wax," she said. "One of my friends, a second year intern, suggested it. She claimed it made her life easier during the long shifts. It seemed plausible and a little erotic, so I. . ." she knew she was babbling. Mulder groaned as he reached down and pressed his hand against his cock as if to relieve the pressure of immediate need. "I. . . I. . ." was all he could say. His eyes raised back to hers and he realized how embarrassed she was by his intense stare. He lowered himself to lie beside her and gathered her into his arms. "I have never been with anyone as exciting as you Kat. You must know everything about you turns me on. But this," he said as he allowed his hand to sweep down her body to stroke her center, "this is something so exotic a man could go through his whole life and never experience." He began kissing her again, his tongue stroking her lips coaxing them to open for him as his fingers stroked her thighs. "Kat, I want you." "Drew...," she moaned. Mulder hated the lie between them. He knew it was necessary to stay under cover, but he couldn't stand to hear that name come from her lips while they made love. "Don't! Don't call me Drew. Andrew Morgan is a name that has nothing but bad memories attached to it. Don't call me Drew while we make love, please?" "What should I call you?" "I don't know. Honey or Baby or anything you want." Mulder had ceased to stroke her while they talked. Dana continued to stroke his chest as she ruminated over his request. She looked into his eyes and smiled. "I'm not much one for nicknames. What's your middle name?" Mulder was torn. Should he tell her it was William, the same as her father and big brother or should he take a chance and tell her it was. . . "Fox. It's a family name," he said quietly. "Fox. It certainly is appropriate," she said as she smiled into his eyes. "I can live with that, Fox." And she kissed him. Mulder was blown away by the sound of his name on her lips. He had hated his name from his first day of school. He had learned how to fight and how to run very fast because of his name, but from her, it sounded like heaven. Mulder teased her lips open and let his tongue sweep her mouth. The kiss deepened and soon they were both lost in the heat generated by their mutual desire. Their lips parted and he began kissing her face. He worshiped her eyes, her cheeks, her nose, and her chin and then moved down her neck again. He could see the bruise on her neck, his previous love bite, and moved to place a twin on the other side. Dana was lost in a sensual haze. She felt his mouth on her neck and felt a wave of desire flush through her body as his lips marked her as his. Where was her independence? All her feminist ideals flew out the window in a flurry of hormones. He was her mate and she was his-his to mark with his kiss of possession. His hands covered her breasts. Her nipples were so sensitive that his rough palms made them ache once again. She could feel them harden and swell, straining towards his touch. "Fox!" she groaned. Mulder was lashed by desire. He continued to kiss down her body, paying special attention to her breasts. As he kissed her, he swept his hands across and down her body, noting each sensitive spot and storing the knowledge away for later. This had gone on too long. His arousal was becoming painful. Kat had bought them some time with her experiment in fellatio, but that was then and this was now. He wanted to bury himself in her, but knew he still had to be careful. It didn't matter that she was, in her innocent arousal, as erotic and exciting as any practiced courtesan, the fact remained that she was a virgin. He didn't want to hurt her, but knew it was inevitable. She needed to be very turned on, relaxed, and receptive to ease the pain. His tongue stroked over her bellybutton. He worshipped her stomach, stopping to nibble here and there at will. His fingers continued to stroke down her legs, and back up the inside of her thighs. Mulder lowered his mouth to slide down her seam to her clit. He slid his hands to cup her ass and shifted her hips forward and up, spreading her thighs and opening her like a flower. His tongue felt incredibly rough compared to the silk of her skin. The complete lack of hair in her vaginal area was strange yet intoxicating, as if she were unique-a goddess of love that came to life for his pleasure alone. His Kat was purring under his ministrations. He could actually see the proof of her arousal as drops of it spread from deep inside her. It invited his tongue to slide as deeply into her as humanly possible. He licked and suckled her clit until she was making little mewing noises deep in her throat. He could tell by the change in her breathing, and the tightening of her thighs, that she was going to come. "Fox, I feel like I'm going to drown." Kat said only seconds before her body began to quake and she slid into an abyss of pleasure so deep she never wanted to surface. "Oh! Oh, my! FoxFoxFoxFoxFox..." Mulder continued to nibble and lick her clit, prolonging her orgasm for as long as possible. Her soft voice calling his name over and over nearly destroyed him. He kissed his way back up her body and pressed his body against her. His fingers gently stroked her face as he bent to kiss her. The taste of her was on his lips. Kat was surprised at how quickly her arousal was growing again. His tongue began to thrust in and out of her mouth, echoing the movement of his hips against her belly. His erection was hot and hard against her. She suddenly couldn't wait to feel him inside her. She moaned into his mouth. Mulder slid his hand down her body to stroke her and ease her thighs farther part. His body moved to cover her. He stroked her entire vaginal area with the tip of his cock, taking care to stroke slowly but deliberately over her sensitive clit. When her sighs of arousal changed to groans and small thrusts of her hips against him, he positioned his cock and slid into her very slowly, giving her vagina time to adjust to his size. His erection was as hard as steel and needed no further guiding. He moved his arms up under her back and cradled the top of her shoulders with his fingers, his thumbs gently stroking the tops of her arms. He once again slid forward to be stopped by her hymen. Dana felt the resistance as he moved again. The small nudge of pain caused her to open her eyes. He stopped his movement. Mulder kissed her and said, "I'm sorry Sweetheart, I have to hurt you now. God, Kat, I'm so sorry." He began kissing her again. As his tongue slid into her mouth and was met by her acceptance, he felt her begin to relax. He thrust his cock into her breaking through her innocence, halting once again to allow her body to adjust. Dana had willed her body to relax as he began to kiss her again. She had read the literature, both scientific and fictional about the intensity of the pain to come, but felt no fear. The sharp burning sensation was over almost before it began. The pleasure of being filled by him took over again. She lifted her hand from his back and stroked his face. He had stopped kissing her and buried his face in her neck, overwhelmed by guilt and pleasure. "Fox, I want to feel all of you inside me, please, now!" All of this was so new to her, but the urge to be filled with him, to feel him so far inside her he touched her heart, was coming from basic instinct. Her urgent plea made him look into her eyes again. She could see the guilt and desire war in his. Dana pulled his face down to her and moved her mouth to his ear. She began kissing him on the tender spot she had found earlier, then let her mouth slide down to the curve of his neck and shoulder. She began to suck his neck, marking him as hers. That was all it took to drive him over the edge of desire. He slid his hips slowly forward until he was buried to the hilt within her. His soft hair tickled her as he ground into her causing his pubic bone to massage her clit. He slowly pulled out and slid back in again, even further and felt his cock stroke her cervix. The agony of this slow, sensual attack was driving her crazy. She wanted him to move harder, faster, and began to lift her hips in a quickening tempo. He looked at her as if to ask if she were sure and the swift thrust of her hips was her answer. Mulder was once again amazed by this woman. Kat wanted him as much as he wanted her. He began to stroke into her, hard, fast and deep and pull out slowly, savoring the feeling of her satin skin. "Fox! More, I want, I think, I need...I..." She was no longer capable of speech. His cock was pounding into her, touching her cervix on the way in and teasing her clit on the way out. She slid into a haze of want, there was nothing in her universe except Fox pounding into her. She didn't know how to touch him to increase his pleasure, so she did as her body dictated. She let her hand move over his body, reveling in the feel of his strength and beauty. She began to move her hips in a slightly circular motion when she found it increased the stimulation of her clit. Mulder knew he wasn't going to be able to hold back much longer, but he wanted to bring her to orgasm before he allowed his release. He moved up on his knees and elbow slightly to change the angle of his stokes. He slid his hand down her body and began to rub and gently pinch her hard nub as he once again increased the tempo of his thrusts. Dana could feel the newly familiar wave of heat that signaled the beginning of her orgasm. She knew nothing but the beautiful, impossible need for completion. She moved her legs up higher and higher on Drew's back causing a marked increase in the intensity of her pleasure. When she felt his fingers begin to stroke, pinch and rub her clit, a tremendous cramping wave of heat and relief swept through her body and she began to spasm around his cock as her orgasm forced reality to fall away once again. She heard a woman groaning and then screaming but couldn't think clearly enough to realize that it was she who was screaming. Her hands clutched at Fox's back scoring it with bloody trails that would take days to heal. Her orgasm began to build again as he continued to pound into her. He lost his magical rhythm and began to drive erratically into her. She knew he was close to the edge but that was her last coherent thought for some time as she reached the pentacle of her orgasm and sank into oblivion. Mulder felt the increased flow of her juices suck at his cock just before she began to tremble and spasm around him. He lost his rhythm as hot sprays of semen shot from his balls into her. She milked him with the tremors of her release and then became still. He had never come so hard or for so long in his life. He collapsed, the over-used muscles of his legs and arms burning, unable to support him for one more moment. He twisted to keep the weight of his body from crushing her, but still pressed against her from head to toe. Their sweat-soaked bodies began to chill from the breeze of the open patio door. Mulder managed to get the sheet and a blanket from the foot of the bed and cover them. He moved his arm back around Kat and pulled her closer still. He realized she was as drained as he. They both needed sleep. He slid his hand to her cheek and ran his thumb over her lips. Her response was a faint kiss that curled into a smile. "Mmmmm. That was incredible Fox." A yawn shuttered through her. "I can't seem to concentrate, I need to sleep." "Shhh. It's okay. Sleep, Kat." He hand moved to stroke her body. "We'll talk later." But they didn't. Little did either know it would be years before they would actually discuss their relationship and the great joy and incredible pain it left in each of their lives. End Part 7 of 15 Title: What Might Have Been Part 8 of 15 FatCat (FatCat926@msn.com) ***** Early Evening April 19, 1999 Fox Mulder's Apartment, Alexandria, Virginia ***** Dana Scully jerked to awareness and began to struggle against the man who held her. He wanted to rip her heart out of her living body! He wanted to kill her! She struck out blindly, not willing to die without a fight. As she became more focused on her surroundings, she realized that the man holding her was not the hooded killer of moments before, but her partner Mulder. Her desire to escape ceased but she began anew to struggle. This time she was trying to fight her way into his arms and as close to his body as she could get. She was terrified by the events of the last few minutes and needed to feel safe. Mulder always made her feel safe. She needed Mulder. She could hear a sound, not unlike a woman keening at the death of a loved one, and realized that it was coming from her. Great sobbing gulps of air entered her lungs and came back out as a cry filled with terror. She could feel Mulder's body shake as he allowed himself to cry with her. His fear of losing her driving him to hold her as desperately as she held him. "Scully, are you all right? I called 911 as I ran up the stairs. They should be here any moment, hold on. Everything will be okay." "Mulder, I'm fine. I mean, I don't think he hurt me. Don't let go," she cried, as he tried to move away to access her wounds. "Scully, you're covered in blood. I need to see if I need to stop the bleeding. Please, let me help." Scully allowed him to lift her and move to his couch. She was still in his arms but not clasped as tightly to his chest as before. Mulder apologized with his eyes as he unbuttoned her shirt to check for open wounds. There was a lot of blood on her blouse and her bra, but he could not find an open wound anywhere. He was amazed. "Scully, where is all this blood coming from? You don't have a scratch on you! Did you shoot your attacker? I heard several gun shots, even down in the basement. Which way did he go when he left?" "Mulder, I don't know. I..." The sound of the ambulance finally heralded the EMT squad arrival. The deep quiet of the apartment allowed the agents to hear the ding of the elevator as it arrived on the fourth floor. The pounding feet of two EMTs echoed through the halls. "Did you call 911? Where's the gunshot victim?" "I'm Agent Fox Mulder, FBI and this is Agent Scully. I called 911. Could you two produce some identification before we proceed?" Mulder's request was made politely, but firmly. He had allowed Scully to be abducted by men posing as EMT's before and wasn't about to allow it to happen again. His gun was out of sight by his right leg, hidden by Scully's body, safety off, a full clip of ammo. The two techs were surprised at the request but produced their IDs and allowed the suspicious FBI agent to examine them before proceeding. At the small nod of Mulder's head the older male EMT moved cautiously forward to examine the bloody woman. She tightly clutched her blouse together and gave him a glare, effectively halting him in his tracks. "I am fine," she managed. "No offence, Agent Scully, but you're covered with blood and look as if you could be going into shock." "I'm a medical doctor..." she began. "Scully, just let them check you out. It's better now than to have to take you to the hospital later." Mulder used his trump card to win her cooperation. Scully scowled at him but moved off his lap and onto a chair to allow the EMT space to check her out. As she moved, they heard the sound of another siren approaching the building. "That should be the police." Mulder moved to meet them. He hesitated by Scully. "Will you be okay?" "I'm fine Mulder." Scully was beginning to feel the effects of the shock the EMTs were looking for, yet knew she had allowed herself enough weakness in front of her partner today. "I think I shot him, he couldn't have gotten too far." Mulder's gaze bore into her eyes. He knew she wasn't "fine". He could see her color was off and the sweat on her face belied the chills that coursed through her body. "I'll get them on this and get back as soon as possible." He reached out and squeezed her shoulder as he moved toward the door. Dana Scully watched him walk through the door of the apartment, a look of need on her face. "He'll be back soon, Agent Scully." The younger, female EMT ventured. "Any man as protective as he is of you won't be leaving for long." Scully closed her eyes and nodded her head. The two techs went to work. ***** Early Evening, April 20, 1999 Fox Mulder's Apartment, Alexandria, Virginia ***** It seemed like only a moment later that she jerked awake, aware that she had drifted off at some point. She quickly looked around to ascertain where she was and sighed in relief when she recognized that she was still at Mulder's apartment, but had been moved to his bed. She heard his feet hit the floor and move toward her as soon as her sigh passed her lips. He had been listening for her to awake. He appeared at the door, hesitant to wake her if she was only moving in her sleep. His smile at seeing her stirring was dazzling. "Hi!" Mulder said quietly. "Hi," Scully replied. "Are you hungry? I've got some soup or some tea..." he offered. Scully swung her feet off the bed and sat up. She was slightly woozy, but no longer in danger of going into shock. She glanced toward Mulder to assure him she was much better and froze in distress. He followed her eyes down and realized that his shirt her blood had soaked during their embrace was lying at his feet. She then looked down and realized that someone had removed her ruined shirt and bra and cleaned her up, redressing her in a pair of Mulder's sweats. "Mulder, where are my clothes?" "I gave them to the DCPD. They're going to do DNA testing for evidence." "Who... Who cleaned me up?" "Scully, don't you remember anything about what happened?" "I guess I was more out of it than I thought. I don't remember anything after you left the room. What happened?" "The EMTs wanted to take you in for observation, but you wouldn't agree. I came back in just as you were arguing with them. You seemed to be stabilized. I convinced them that I knew the signs of shock and I would be willing to stay with you. They suggested you see your own doctor and at least get another EKG to check against the one they gave you. It's all written down on the papers over there." "That doesn't explain how I got cleaned up, Mulder," she was beginning to have a bad feeling about this. "The DCPD wanted to get your statement, but I could tell that you were not up to it, so I assured them that we would be in tomorrow to do it. They finally agreed when I suggested they take in your clothing for the DNA testing. The EMT named Gail was going to help you get cleaned up, but they got another call." "And..." "I had to do something, Scully, so I helped you into the bedroom and you crawled under the covers and removed your shirt and bra. I took them out to the cops and they bagged them and left." "So you brought me a washcloth and I cleaned myself up?" "Not exactly. By that time, Skinner had arrived and I had to give him the details on everything and give him your weapon." "My weapon? You gave him my gun? Mulder..." "You know the rules, Scully. It's possible that you shot and killed the perp and your weapon will be needed for evidence." His eyes pleaded with her to understand. She looked down and nodded her head. She knew the drill. A picture of past actions, a man's body recoiling from the blast of her gun flashed through her mind-her weapon taken as evidence-the inquiry-the required two weeks off. She lifted her eyes to Mulder's again to let him know she understood. Mulder sighed and ran his right hand through his hair. He hoped she would be as accepting with this next part as she was about the gun. "Well, Mulder, I'm waiting." "Scully, please. By the time I got through with Skinner and back in here you were..." Mulder stopped as if searching for the right words. "You weren't here," he finally blurted. "Where the hell did I go? I mean, there's only one door out of this room and it's four floors up!" Scully looked at him incredulously. "You were still here on the bed, but you were almost catatonic. You scared the shit out of me, Scully!" Dana Scully felt a wave of nausea and dizziness wash over her. "I lost it? Is that what you're telling me? I blanked out?" "Um, yeah. You were just sitting straight up in bed with the covers around your hips. You still had the tee shirt I gave you in your hands, but you were just staring off into space. I tried to cover you, but you were so cold and stiff, I got scared. All that blood. It was still all over you." "I'm sorry, Mulder." Scully lowered her head to her hands. "Then what happened?" "All I could think of was getting you cleaned up and warm so I grabbed a bowl of warm water and a washcloth and towel and came back in to clean up the blood." "You...you cleaned up the blood? You?" Scully was mortified that she had been so out of it, that he was once again pressed into taking care of her. "Scully, Jesus! You were out of it. I-all I wanted to do was help. It wasn't sexual... personal. I just wanted to help." The stain of embarrassment that flushed Mulder's face made her regret her words. "I know, Mulder. I'm sorry. That's not what I thought. You know I don't like to lose control..." Scully stammered an apology. Mulder looked down and nodded his head. Apology accepted. "I tried talking to you-to get you to respond to me as I washed you. I don't know if the words or the warm cloth did the most good, but you seemed to relax and when I tried to put on the sweatshirt you started to help. Together we got the pants on and by that time you were cognizant but you fell asleep almost immediately." "Did I say anything at all during all this?" "Yes." "What did I say?" "Stay." "Stay? But you were in the other room, Mulder," her soft voice sounded almost accusatory. "Scully, that was almost twenty-four hours ago. I stayed with you until this morning, but I had to go into work and file the report on Padgett. He's dead. The DCPD found him in the furnace room with his own heart in his hand. I had to stop off and explain why you weren't in to file your report and to finish the paperwork on Padgett there too." "You left me alone?" again the voice was soft but full of pain. "Scully, no! I called your Mom. She was here all day with you. She just left a few moments ago. It took a lot out of her seeing you like this. She needed to get home because Bill, Tara and Matty are coming for a visit." Mulder stepped closer to the bed. "I wouldn't leave you alone, Scully. I just had to take care of things and arrange for a few days off while you recover." Mulder extended his hand to her. "Please, Scully, I would never leave you unless it was to protect you." "Mulder, I'm sorry." Scully finally stood by the bed for a moment as if to gather her strength and then slowly moved toward the bathroom giving a wide berth to the bloody shirt on the floor. "I picked up your clothes and some of your stuff for you today. They're in the bathroom." "Thanks, Mulder." Scully quietly closed the bathroom door and left Mulder standing alone and scared in his bedroom. Mulder had trashed the bloody shirt and moved to the living room and stood with his back to her, looking out the window, when she came out of the bathroom. "I still have some soup, if you want some. Your Mom made it. It smells great." He turned to see if she was interested. He was surprised to see her fully dressed and pulling on her coat, her bags at her feet. "Mulder, I need to go home. Thank you for all you've done. I'll call my Mom as soon as I get home." She turned to go. "Scully! What are you doing? You're in no shape to drive." Mulder was shocked by her words. "I need to go home, Mulder. I can't stay here." She glanced at the floor where he had found her and the at the space high above their heads where the entry points of a full clip of bullets scoured the wall. "I'll call you in a few days." She turned and left before Mulder could respond. He stood motionless for a few seconds, transfixed by the evidence of her struggle. When he realized she had gone, he rushed out the door to stop her. He couldn't wait for the elevator. He bolted down the steps and out the front door, calling her name. He could see her taillights as they moved down the street and out of his vision. 'What the hell just happened?' he thought. He turned and went back into his building. ***** Late Evening, April 20, 1999 Dana Scully's Apartment, Georgetown, VA ***** Dana Scully was running. She would have denied it vehemently to Mulder, but she was willing to admit it to herself. Running as fast as she could. When she reached her apartment, she called her mother immediately. "Of course I'm sure, Mom. Would Mulder let me out of his sight if I weren't fine?" was the final argument that ended the debate over her being alone. After assuring her mother she would call her soon, she hung up and immediately switched on her answering machine, turning the sound off. She then turned off her cell phone and systematically unplugged every other phone in her home. She walked from window to door, checking all the locks, slipping the deadbolt lock and chain lock on her front door as well as her usual key lock. She moved to her bathroom and turned on the water in the shower. She really wanted a bath, but refused to get into the tub only to find the water turning pink from leftover blood. When she finally felt clean, she realized she didn't have the strength to take a bath now. She was mildly hungry and realized she was sorry she hadn't had some of the soup Mulder had offered her. She searched her kitchen for something to eat, but nothing caught her interest. She finally settled for a glass of orange juice. She realized that even though she had been sleeping for almost twenty-four hours, she was tired. She made one more trip around the apartment to make sure everything was secure and went to bed. As she lay in the dark, the events of the past several days crashed down on her. Padgett stalking her, claiming to know her, only to write of her death in his book. The killer looming over her, his strong, cold fingers digging and tearing toward her heart, her blood flowing from the opening he made. Mulder holding her, clasping her to him, crying with her. All these things she could get over. Padgett was dead, the killer gone, Mulder was...Mulder. All these things she could get over, she could explain away, she could forgive if not forget. She could not forgive herself for "loosing it". She had weakened. She had let her emotions break her down and had lost touch with reality. She always prided herself on her control. So much of her personal self- respect depended on her ability to control her emotions and thus her response to her environment. She had weakened. She had escaped into herself and thus had become a danger to herself and to those around her. What if she froze in the field? What would she do if she endangered another agent or a victim? What if she put Mulder in danger by her actions? What if he realized how weak she had become and left her. What would she do? Around and around her thoughts swam, sleep eluding her until almost daylight. As the sky turned from black to gray, she came to her decision. She rose from her bed and moved to turn on her laptop. As she passed her phone she noted she had 24 new messages. Mulder. She e-mailed her request for transfer to AD Skinner, requesting a post in Forensics, Pathology or a teaching position at Quantico at the end of her leave. She sent a copy to Mulder's mailbox and powered down her computer without checking her own e-mail. She slowly walked to her bedroom, unaware of the tears flowing down her face. It was over. What Spender and the Consortium could not do, she had done by her own reactions. She couldn't trust herself not to be a danger to her partner anymore. Padgett had achieved what others had failed. Scully and Mulder were no longer partners. Her fight for the truth was over. ***** Late Evening, April 20, 1999 Fox Mulder's Apartment, Alexandria, Virginia ***** Mulder had gone from puzzled to furious in the hours following Scully's departure. She had obviously turned off her cell phone and was screening her calls. He didn't want to call Maggie at this time of night-he had worried her enough in the past twenty-four hours. His gut feeling was that Scully wouldn't see him if he went to her apartment. He was getting a bad feeling about this. He showered and tried to get some sleep, but wasn't able to stop thinking. Scully was upset because she lost it. Who wouldn't be upset if they had been the victim of a stalker and a serial killer in the space of a week? Padgett claimed to know her. So much of what he had written in his book could have been true. Did he really know her? He wanted Scully, who wouldn't? Padgett wanted her. He thought he knew Scully, but Mulder knew he was wrong. Padgett wanted what he thought he saw. He wanted her for her beauty. He wanted her self-possession and will to be bent to fulfill his desire, his plot. He tried to take her heart-one way or another. She was so much more than just beauty. Her soul, her mind and her courage made her the person Mulder had come to know and love. He wanted her heart, but only if freely given. Padgett had stalked her for only a few months and felt he knew her well. Mulder had been partners with Scully for almost seven years and still felt he had only scraped the surface. But with one sentence, Padgett had cast him into a sea of doubt. "Agent Scully is already in love." Mulder knew Scully had grown to love him during their partnership. But how did she love him? As a partner? A pseudo brother? He had dreams of wooing 'the enigmatic Dr. Scully' to return his love-to be 'in' love with him as he was in love with her. But he knew nothing he could do now or in the future would influence Scully to change her heart. She loved or she did not. She loved him as a partner or not. She would be 'in love' with him or not. Who did Agent Scully love? Sometimes he felt so close to her, could feel her love surround him for a moment, an instant. Other times she held him off with a fond but distant demeanor that drove him crazy. He sensed that there was something in her past that hurt her badly enough to initiate the icy facade that she projected to others. Who did Scully love? The question burned his mind with a relentless heat that would not, could not be answered by any one but Scully. And Scully wasn't talking. He would go to her tomorrow. He needed to know what she was thinking. Who did Agent Scully love? End part 8 of 15 - Still with me folks? Title: What Might Have Been Part 9 of 15 FatCat (FatCat926@msn.com) ***** Mid-Morning, April 21, 1999 Dana Scully's Apartment, Georgetown, Virginia ***** Scully woke around 10:00am with a feeling of dread. Mulder would show up any time now and she didn't feel strong enough to face him. She decided she would go to her mother's house to stay for a few days. She knew he wouldn't make a scene there. He loved her mom almost as much as she did. But there was the rub. She didn't want to drag her mother into this, especially this week while Bill, Tara, and Matthew were visiting, but she needed to be near her mother. She called and told her mother she was coming to spend a few days with her. She was crying before the conversation was over. She needed to get in control of herself. She needed to think. She needed to regroup, gather strength before facing Mulder. The only place she could think of was the safety of home-even with Bill in the picture. She was galvanized into action. She quickly repacked her emergency bag, throwing in more casual clothes and shoes. She grabbed her laptop and her purse, rushed to the door and right into Mulder. He was standing with his hand up to knock and was as surprised to see her as she was to see him. Her only hope was that he hadn't seen her transfer request. "Going somewhere, Agent Scully?" ended her final hope. The anger and pain in his voice was almost palatable. She closed her eyes to gather her strength. Stepping back to allow him to enter, she accepted that she had to do this now. Mulder strode into her apartment and spun to make sure she wasn't slipping out the door. He wanted answers and he wanted them now. For a moment, they stood there facing one another without speaking. Neither seemed to know how to begin. For once Mulder was at a loss for words. Scully, never forthcoming, or good at verbally expressing her feelings, was incapable of beginning. Mulder heaved a huge sigh and turned toward the couch. "May we sit down at least?" he asked. A short nod of her head and a slow step toward the couch was her reply. She sat at one end, expecting him to settle against the other arm. Instead he moved into her personal space and sat on the coffee table in front of her. He buried his face in his hands and tried to gather his thoughts. He knew his future hung in the balance. Either he would live with hope for the future or he would simply, possibly, live. Lifting his head to stare into her eyes he said "I got the copy of your e-mail to Skinner. I told him to disregard it until you brought it to him in person." "Mulder, you had no right..." Scully interrupted him. "No! NO! You had no right to request a transfer without talking to me first." "I beg your pardon? I have every right to decide what I'm going to do with my life. It's my life, Mulder!" "NO! It's not just your life any more Scully. You told me that after Philadelphia and I allowed it like a fool. It's my life too! You're my partner! Scully, doesn't that mean anything to you?" Anger flashed across his face for a moment. He quickly schooled his features to a calm mask. He realized she would not respond to anger right now. She had her feelings too tightly buttoned down to allow herself to respond emotionally. He would use logic. "Scully," he said calmly. "You have been through so much in the last few years. You've lost your father, your sister, you've been abducted, fought cancer, found and lost your daughter, and been shot, but you've always bounced back with remarkable stamina. You've never allowed the pain and craziness to drive you away-you've worked it out over time. Hell, you even stuck it out through my blind acceptance of Diana's credibility." Mulder drew a shaky breath. "You, Scully, were able to keep a cool head and save the day. Why now? Why now have you decided you can't go on? What's so different about Padgett?" Mulder's eyes searched her face for a clue to her mindset. It was like trying to read a blank page. Scully looked down at her hands. She was at a loss for words. What was so different about Padgett? Was he any more outside of normal than a hundred others they had investigated over their partnership? After all, if you looked objectively at the entire situation, Padgett was only a sad, lonely man who had stalked her and tried to force her to his will. It happened to many people-Julia Roberts, Sharon Stone, even that so-called comedian, Dave Letterman. The only difference was that along with Padgett, they had had to deal with a psychic surgeon/killer. Within her line of vision she saw Mulder's hands slowly move to touch hers. She closed her eyes and allowed the touch, aching as she realized that it would be one of the last she would ever receive from him. She had to break this off now, terminate the partnership! She couldn't put him in danger through her actions! He would die or leave her and she didn't know if she could survive one more desertion-no matter what the reason. He would leave, like all the others. It was better for her to transfer now. It was also better for her to admit her failure and help him accept her transfer than to allow him to batter her resolve until she once again agreed to stay. She gently disengaged her hands from his and rose from the couch. "Mulder, I froze. When the killer attacked me, Yes, at first I fought, but then I froze, I blanked out. When the paramedics were working on me, I blanked out again. Mulder, I've lost it. I lost a whole day. I can't be trusted to work in the field any more. I-you- have to try to understand. I am doing what I think is best. Best for you, best for me, best for the FBI. If you won't accept that I know what I'm doing, I'll have to take stronger action." "Stronger action, Scully?" Mulder jibed. 'Stronger than tearing my life apart?' he thought. 'Stronger than killing me?' "I'll have to resign," she said with quiet determination. Mulder was stunned. Never in his wildest dreams did he think that the situation would escalate to this point. He couldn't believe that her entire decision was based on her physical reaction to the attack. She had been in shock! That was all. He tried to stand, to go to her, but the impact of her statement had profoundly affected him. Mulder was suddenly so light headed he staggered as he rose. He was grateful that he was able to reach the far end of the couch instead of hitting the floor. Scully noticed his color and his weakness and rushed to get him a glass of water. While she was gone, Mulder's mind was running a thousand miles a minute. 'Why?' his thoughts repeated over and over. And suddenly out of the darkness of his mind came an answer. "Agent Scully is already in love." His guilt over past injuries and pain spiraled down to a single pinpoint of truth. He had his answer. 'Oh, God! Padgett was right! Scully is in love with someone. Someone else. She had realized it with this case. She was afraid she was going to lose her chance with her new love and was acting on her need to distance herself from him and the danger that surrounded him. She needs to be released from my overwhelming dependence on her.' Mulder thought. She gave him the water to drink. Her cool hand was on the back of his neck. When he swayed once again it was actually into the touch of her hand, but she thought he was still ill and pushed his head toward his knees. Mulder wondered idly how he would live without her touch. Mulder gathered his strength and his pride. The sick, woozy feeling began to pass. She wouldn't see him grovel. He would let her go to him-whoever he was. He loved her enough to want her happiness. He would be strong enough to let her go. He owed her everything, she owed him nothing. Scully's heart was breaking. She could see him gather his resolve and accept her wishes. Somewhere in the back of her mind she acknowledged that she wanted him to fight her- fight for her-and to win. She wanted to be with him forever, but couldn't bear to take the chance that he would eventually leave. She moved away from him. The loss of her heat, her touch, was like being plunged back into the Antarctic nightmare again. Cold washed over him and galvanized him to action. He rose to his feet quickly. With action came anger-and the need to know the truth. "Who is he, Scully?" Mulder spit out. "What?" "Who are you leaving me and the X Files for? Who is he?" "I don't know what you're talking about, Mulder." Scully, wrapped in her own personal hell of loss, wasn't following his reasoning. Mulder was suddenly overcome with blinding anger at her pretense of innocence. She had never lied to him before. He wouldn't allow it now. "Padgett," he growled. "He knew! 'Agent Scully is already in love,' Who? Is? He?" As he spoke he swiftly stood and grabbed her by her upper arms as if to shake her, yet his grasp was gentle. His anger and use of his overwhelming size surprised her. Mulder had rarely tried to intimidate her physically during the years of their partnership. She realized his sudden "caveman" attitude both irritated and excited her. She pushed away from him and walked toward the door. She couldn't remain strong if he continued to touch her. "I don't know what you're talking about Mulder. I've told you my reason for requesting a transfer. I'll stop by and deliver the paperwork, in writing, to Skinner tomorrow." Turning away from him, she moved as if to open the door for his exit. Mulder knew she was lying. Anger and pain from rejection made him do something he swore he would never do. Growing up, watching his father and mother's bitter confrontations, he had been on the receiving end of too much displaced aggression and violence in the past. He swore he would never use his strength to intimidate someone smaller, someone he loved. No matter how angry he was, he would not strike out in anger, not seek to overpower, and never in any way inflict fear or pain in future relationships. She never heard him coming. In two long strides he was at her side. His bellow of rage did as much to disarm her as did his strong arms as they wrapped her and lifted her from her feet. His headlong plunge down the hall to her bedroom continued. He realized he had the element of surprise on his side for only so long and did not want to risk Scully escaping his grasp. He didn't want to hurt her, he wanted to trap her and make her tell him the truth! 'Who does Scully love?' screamed through his mind. Scully found herself stunned by Mulder's actions. She could only breath shallowly and found herself becoming weaker as her partner continued down the hall and deposited her flat on her back on the bed. The rough toss caused the balance of her breath to rush from her thus making her incapable of speech. "Come on, Scully!" he growled. "Who is it? Is it Skinner? Do you need to get out from under his supervision before you can be open with your relationship?" At the wild shake of her head he tried again. "Not Skinner? Who? A nice normal doctor? Where did you meet him? Was it at that pathologist's convention you went to last month? When have you had time to see him? Jesus, Scully! I want some answers here!" Mulder loomed over the bed daring her to move. Scully's Irish temper decided to take this opportunity to show up. "What in the hell are you doing, Mulder? What are you talking about?" she hissed at him. "Agent Scully's already in love!" Mulder snarled. "Padgett knew! He knew! How could I be so blind, when even that psycho could see? Does everyone know? How about the Gunmen? do they know? Am I the last one to find out? One last time, Scully! Who? Is? He?" The red flush that covered Scully's face and neck should have warned him she had reached the end of her patience. She glared up defiantly at him. "Mulder, you have one minute to vacate my apartment, or I'm going to bring you up on charges-that is if you survive after I shoot you again." As she spoke, Scully reached under her pillow and pulled out the spare weapon she had slid under there last night. She released the safety and brought it up to aim. Blind rage was Mulder's only reaction. He swiped the gun from her hands as if it were a child's toy. He popped the clip and tossed it and the gun in different corners of the room. His eyes darkened and he pounced on her. She was ready for him. She swiftly brought all her training into play, but Mulder had the temporary insanity of anger and jealousy on his side. Every movement of her arms, knees, legs and feet was met and negated. Mulder's body covered hers as she had dreamed of so many times, but this was not passion-this was control. She struggled until she was incapable of movement. During the entire skirmish Mulder made no sounds except grunts of pain when she was able to land a blow. Not once did he raise a hand to hurt her. He only seemed interested in immobilizing her. She closed her eyes and finally ceased her struggles. Let him do as he would. She could kill him later. Mulder felt her surrender with more relief than he believed possible. He didn't want to hurt her; he didn't want to be hurt. Even though his anger was cooling, he wanted the truth. He looked at Scully's face and saw that she was far from vanquished. Her blue eyes were closed to his gaze. Her long lashes brushed her pale cheeks, the red flush of anger having faded somewhat. Her mouth was open slightly, lips red and inviting. His eyes swept down her neck to the pulse that throbbed at the joint of her neck and shoulder. Down, down farther he slid into contemplation of Scully. Her top two buttons on her shirt had come undone and he could see a creamy expanse of her breasts covered in black lace. 'Damn! Why did it have to be black?' He forced his eyes away and once again was caught by the throb of her pulse. He lowered his mouth to her throat without thinking. His lips parted and he slid his tongue across the flutter of her pulse point. He realized what he was doing and made the mistake of breathing in deeply. Scully's scent filled his mind-sweet, yet spicy. He lowered his mouth to her neck again and began to place hot, open-mouthed kisses on her neck. With each inhale he increased the suction until he was marking her as if she were his to keep. A need he had sublimated for over six years rose up and almost overwhelmed his body. He needed her, wanted her. But she had chosen someone else. He loved her and wanted her, but not like this-not against her will. So close, but never meant to be. As his anger abated, he realized he had lost and his actions were only going to hurt her. Mulder felt Scully begin to move again. She was not struggling against him. She was arching her neck, giving him better access. As he realized his defeat and his kisses ceased, she seemed to shrink back into the bed. Mulder dropped his head into the cloud of Scully's hair above her shoulder. His mouth automatically formed a kiss that brushed her ear. He breathed deeply, cementing into his eidetic memory the taste and smell and feel of Scully for a moment. The overwhelming guilt of what he had done and had almost done washed over him. He thrust himself off her to lie spread-eagle next to her on the bed. Let her do as she would, he deserved any punishment she deemed fit. He wouldn't fight any more. He didn't have the heart. Released from the sweet prison of his body, Scully curled onto her side away from Mulder. She drew her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around them. She ducked her face into the dark space created by the wrap of her arms. She tried to calm her breathing but found that she could only gulp in huge lungs full of oxygen as a prelude to releasing them in great shaking sobs. 'What the hell just happened?' ran through her mind. 'First Mulder manhandles her to the bed demanding to know who she loves, starts seducing her with his beautiful mouth and body, then flops off her like a dead fish.' As her sobs slowed her anger grew again; slight movements to her left made her realize that Mulder was just now rising from the bed. "What are you still doing here, Mulder?" she said wearily. "Scully, I'll leave. I won't touch you again and I'll get out of your life forever, but please tell me who it is you love." Mulder was begging. If his life with her was over, he had to know why. He had to know she would be safe and happy. He sat next to her waiting for her reply. Dana Scully turned on the bed and stared at his profile. Could he be so fucking clueless? He was leaving her and he still had to hear her say it out loud. His relentless pursuit of the truth was nothing compared to his single-minded destruction of her life-her pride. Near capitulation but trying to hold onto a single scrap of pride she had to ask, "Why do you need to know who I love, Mulder?" Mulder turned to stare down into her blue-sky eyes. "It will make your transfer easier to live with," was all he would say. Scully rolled back to her right side again. She would tell him, but she didn't want to see the triumph in his eyes when she did. "Padgett knew, didn't he, Scully? Who is it?" Mulder's voice came softer, almost like a lover's. Scully began to cry softly again. The pain of separation was more than she could bear. Her soft reply was muffled by her sobs. "You, Mulder. I love you." The soft words fell into the silence between them. Suddenly, Mulder's bitter laughter filled the air. He thought she couldn't hurt him any more-thought that his heart had been ripped out and yet she managed to wound again. Phoebe should have taken lessons from her! "Right, Scully! You love me so much you've asked for a transfer-you're leaving me!" Mulder surged up off the bed pacing in a tight circle. How dare she try to placate him? He stopped and tried again, "I know you love me, Scully, but who are you 'IN' love with? How could you love him enough to leave me-to leave us-to leave our work?" "I have to leave first, Mulder. I have to let go before you...it destroys me. I can't keep up with this life until you leave me or you die, I don't think I could survive it. This way, I don't put you in danger, you can request a new partner to work on the X Files and I have a chance of keeping my sanity." "What about my sanity, Scully?" Did he dare say more? What if he just said the rest straight out? 'How am I supposed to carry on without you? I almost didn't make it when you were taken from me before. You were just my partner, my best friend then. I didn't even realize how much I loved you until you were returned.' Would she believe him? Mulder's mind raced from thought to thought. He couldn't think with her so close. He could smell her, still had the taste of her on his lips, and most distracting of all, he could see her lying on her bed. He turned and walked to the living room, trying to put enough distance between them to allow him to think, but not enough to allow her to disappear. 'Agent Scully loves Agent Mulder.' he thought. 'Could this be true? Shouldn't that revelation make both of them happier? How could he be happy if she was leaving? Why was she leaving?' He needed to sort this out. The sound of her quiet sobbing no longer penetrated his consciousness. Mulder stood in front of the window, watching the traffic and willing his brain to go into the free-floating stage that enabled him to made the leaps of logic associated with his incredible profiling skills. Damn, he need to run, swim, a little game of one on one to easily slip into the disassociation of mind and body that allowed him to do his best work, but he did not dare leave her. Slowly he felt his mind slide into hyper drive as his physical self stared at the flow of life passing by. He replayed their conversation, this time concentrating on the exact words of her statements. He began to see a pattern in her logic, but it was elusive. His own anger and hurt kept popping up to refute her statements. He made a conscious decision to remove his feelings from the equation. He once again ran through the entire conversation and came to the conclusion that Scully was telling the truth about who she loved. She was also telling the truth about the transfer. If he fought her on this point, she would resign. 'She loves me!' he found himself grinning. 'She's still leaving' and again he was frowning. Once again he ran her statements through his mind, point by point. Scully stated that she's lost it because she froze during the attack. She stated that the lost time after the attack proves that she cannot be trusted in a stress situation. Scully stated that she would not put me, a victim, or any other agents in danger due to her inability to keep it together in a stress situation. She stated that she could not bear to lose me to death. Scully stated that I would leave her when I realized that she had lost her edge. She stated that she loves me. Point by point he considered her statements. He arranged them in his mind like pictures taken at a crime scene, then rearranged them again and again. In order stated first, then order of importance, then true and false order. Mulder then began to pick apart each statement, going over her facial expressions, her body language, and her tone of delivery. Over and over he ran the evidence through his mind until one fact kept coming to the fore. She was afraid he would leave her. "I have to leave first, Mulder. I have to let go before you...it destroys me. I can't keep up with this life until you leave me or you die, I don't think I could survive it." It was like a switch on a floodlight being thrown. Scully was afraid that he would leave her! She had to leave first to protect her heart-to keep her walls strong. Suddenly Mulder was certain that the key to Scully's entire life was in his hands. Scully had to have abandonment issues that went as far back as she could remember. Her father was an officer in the Navy. That would mean months at sea. Surely that couldn't be the only reason she had locked her heart up so tight, could it? There had to be more. There had to be other perceived instances of abandonment that kept her from allowing herself to trust others with her heart, to trust love freely. But there had to be even more than this at play. Scully was strong, damnit! She had held herself together through all the horror that had been thrown at her for years. She had maintained her equilibrium throughout their partnership, hanging tough, keeping her walls sturdy and strong. What would break her now? Mulder felt the niggling of a thought, just outside his consciousness. He realized that something in his eidetic memory was trying to surface, something that would provide the final part of this puzzle. He once again allowed his thoughts to slip into free fall. After a few moments it came to him. Of course! The case that they had been assigned last month. It wasn't supposed to be an X File, just an odd missing persons case. Six women-wives and mothers-from a quaint little community in northwestern Ohio, near Toledo. What was the name of the village? Oh yeah, Waterville, Ohio. Six women had disappeared from their homes in the middle of the night without a trace. When Mulder and Scully had been assigned this case, he had been livid. This was a case for Missing Persons, not them, but Skinner had insisted that they handle it. Mulder was resentful until arriving in Waterville, and beginning the investigation. The case became more bizarre as they delved into the facts. There did not seem to be any violence involved. None of the husbands had a clue as to why their wives would leave. Each husband thought their marriage was sound. The children were as devastated as their fathers. None of them seemed to be aware of any parental unrest. Neighbors and friends swore that there wasn't a clue as to problems within the marriage. The women were all stay-at-home moms or if employed, only worked part time. Mulder and Scully dug deeper into the dynamics of each relationship and did discover that each family had a new source of stress. This at first seemed to be a major clue until Scully pointed out that each family had a different point of stress. One had an aged parent develop Alzheimer's disease. One had just had their credit identity hijacked and was fighting to remain solvent. One had just discovered that their youngest child had developed leukemia. And on it went. Not one related stressor in the group. Mulder was ready to rename this as an X File abduction case when Scully identified the piece of evidence that was the common denominator. Each family had received a DVD sample of a new children's show. Because the DVD was highly entertaining to the children, each household had played the DVD extensively, exposing the mothers who were home with the children to multiple viewings a day. The households that reported the most viewings were the ones where the women disappeared from first. Scully had confiscated the DVDs and watched one several times, trying to identify how this could affect the women so profoundly they would leave their homes. They had sent the other 5 to the lab in DC to be tested for subliminal messages. They had also asked Missing Persons to track down any clues as to the whereabouts of the missing women. All the women were found, safe and sound in various parts of the country. They had taken refuge with relatives and friends when they left. The connection to the mysterious DVDs was never proven. As soon as the women had been found, Skinner pulled Mulder and Scully from the case, claiming they were needed for an X File case in New Mexico. Mulder and Scully had reported to New Mexico for the case, that turned out to be bogus, but quietly continued to research the Ohio case. According to the postmaster in Waterville, there had only been six of the DVDs delivered. When tracing the shipper on the DVDs they ran into a brick wall. No evidence of any company soliciting feedback existed. By the time they got back to Washington, they knew they had uncovered another of the shadow government's insidious experiments. All of the five of the DVDs had mysteriously disappeared from the Lab in Washington. The sixth disc had been stolen along with Scully's lap top at Dallas-Fort Worth airport. All hard evidence of testing disappeared with the discs. Both Mulder and Scully recognized how similar the case was to the cable tampering case they had followed earlier in their partnership. While they were both relieved that this case did not end with one of them pointing a gun at the other, they were furious that "They" had won again. Mulder had been grateful that Scully didn't seem to be affected by the DVD, but now he wasn't so sure that was still the truth. As he ruminated over the case and the effect the DVD had on each woman, he realized how similar Scully's reaction was to theirs. Mulder was just paranoid enough to believe that they had been assigned the case just so that Scully would be exposed to the subliminal messages of the DVD. The stress of the Padgett case had been the catalyst that allowed her insecurities and abandonment issues to overwhelm her-driving her to request this transfer and giving their enemies what they wanted all along-the dissolution of their partnership. If he wasn't able to make her see that this case was connected to her response to the whole Padgett case, he would lose her. He made a mental note to follow up on the six families and find out how things had worked out. He sincerely hoped all the women had returned to their families. He knew personally the depth of despair that the husbands felt at the loss of their spouses. If Scully left, his life, as he knew it, would be over. He had to make her see that this was a response to stress warped by the exposure to the DVD. He also felt that until she faced her past fears, they couldn't fight the subliminal messages the DVD had inserted into her brain. He had to get through to her-to make her work through the pain of her past, or no matter how much she loved him, their relationship and their partnership would be over. Mulder logically moved to identify the best way to confront this problem. Ideally, Scully should work this out with a qualified counselor. He knew she had a therapist that she was seeing on a semi-regular basis, but there was no time to contact her therapist and wait for an appointment. They needed to settle this now. He had to convince her to work through it now. Mulder realized he had to be the one to help her. But how to handle all this? End Part 9 of 15 Title: What Might Have Been Part 10 of 15 FatCat (FatCat926@msn.com) ***** Mid-Morning, April 21, 1999 Dana Scully's Apartment, Georgetown, Virginia ***** Mulder logically moved to identify the best way to confront this problem. Ideally, Scully should work this out with a qualified counselor. He knew she had a therapist that she was seeing on a semi-regular basis, but there was no time to contact her therapist and wait for an appointment. They needed to settle this now. He had to convince her to work through it now. Mulder realized he had to be the one to help her. But how to handle all this? The head-on, emotional approach hadn't been too successful so far, maybe he needed to try something subtler, even logical. The only problem was he didn't seem to have a subtle bone in his body when it came to Scully. He had always been direct and truthful with her professionally but, on a personal front, adhered to total avoidance of emotional declarations utilizing humor and innuendo to camouflage his feelings. On the other hand, if it meant he could save their partnership and their future together, he would learn to be subtle and/or logical or die trying. Mulder went in to the kitchen and started heating water for tea. He laid out the milk and sugar on a tray Scully had used when making tea for him before and preheated the teapot with hot water. He dug some shortbread cookies out of the freezer and placed them on a small decorative plate Scully loved. The water came to a boil he dumped the preheating water in the teapot and poured the boiling water over the tea bags. When the tea in the teapot was almost done steeping, he picked up the tray and moved to the door of her bedroom, quietly standing just inside the room. Scully was lying on the bed watching him. "Are you okay?" he softly asked. Scully nodded her head but did not speak. "I made some tea for us. Would you like to have it in here or out in the living room?" Mulder kept her choices limited to the two rooms he wanted. Even though she refused to speak, she slid to the side of the bed and moved toward him, stopping a few steps away. Mulder accepted her need to adjourn to the living room and preceded her out of the bedroom. Mulder poured her a cup of tea and added the milk and sugar to her taste. He handed her the cup and saucer then passed the plate of shortbread to her. He was surprised when she actually took a cookies to eat. It signaled a return of strength that warmed Mulder. "Scully, we need to talk. I want you to listen to me-really listen before you dismiss my theories. Then you need to talk and I'll listen. I'll listen to anything you need to say. Does this sound okay?" "You aren't going to change my mind, Mulder." Scully's voice was quiet but firm. "I'm not going to try to change your mind, Scully. I want us to be totally open with each other and try to understand what just happened and why. Please, Scully, I need this, and I think you do too." She was quiet for a few moments, weighing his words. Her decision to ask for a transfer was going to destroy her life, perhaps she did need to discuss this further with Mulder in order to bring it to a logical ending. She nodded her head and said, "All right, Mulder. Let's talk." Mulder began stirring his tea as he contemplated how to begin the conversation. He was surprised when Scully began talking again. "Mulder, I want you to know I made this decision because I am only concerned for the safety of others. A field agent that cannot be trusted not to fold under stress should not be in the mainstream of field investigations. It has nothing to do with me not wanting to be your partner. I have loved working with you. You are the best agent I have ever known." She raised her eyes to his, willing him to believe the truth of her words. "Scully, you are the best agent the FBI has ever had. I take the praise you give as the highest compliment. I want you to know that right from the start." Mulder hesitated, "Next, I have to apologize for my actions earlier. I have never wanted to hurt you, Scully, and it shames me that I could resort to physical intimidation in any aspect of my relationship with you. I only hope that you can forgive me. It won't happen again." Mulder prayed she would recognize the sincerity of his statement. Scully slowly nodded and the pain in his heart gradually began to dissolve. "I have some thoughts you need to hear before you make any further decisions." And so it began. For the next two hours Mulder talked and Scully listened. She inserted questions along the way that encouraged Mulder, allowing him to believe that she accepted his statements as plausible. "So what you are saying is that the DVDs from the case we had in Ohio had subliminal messages that magnified the insecurities of the women exposed to them to such a point that they were willing to run away from their homes? They left their husbands and children for what? What was the reasoning behind it, Mulder? What would cause them to leave everything they loved?" "I don't know, Scully. We weren't allowed to interview the women, remember? But, if I had to hazard a guess, I would bet that if questioned, each one of them would be able to identify a reason, very similar to yours. Insecurity, childhood trauma, rebellion over too much responsibility, dissatisfaction with staying home. Who knows without speaking to them directly? The added stresses in their lives just became too much and they bolted. I want to try to contact them Monday and follow up. Maybe we can see a pattern then." They were both drained by the time their discussion stumbled to a halt. "Mulder, I can't think any more. It's past lunch time and I'm hungry and tired. I need to..." Scully began. "How about we order out? I could really use something more substantial than cookies and tea right about now." Mulder tried to keep it light. Scully considered his offer for a moment and then agreed. "If we're going to talk more, I need food. How does Chinese sound to you?" Mulder silently let go of the breath he had been holding. She wasn't kicking him out. Maybe they would come out of this okay after all. ***** Mid-Afternoon, April 21, 1999 Dana Scully's Apartment, Georgetown, Virginia ***** They finished their lunch silently. Mulder felt Scully's eyes on him occasionally, but when he checked she was looking away. Scully was completely blown away by Mulder's actions during the past few hours. He had never been anything but respectful with her in the past. His use of his size and physical strength surprised, scared and excited her in equal proportions. She found herself mentally egging him on when he began to kiss her neck. She wanted him to take the decision away from her, to overpower her and destroy her reluctance to escalate their relationship with his hands and his mouth and his long, hot, sexy body. It wasn't that she didn't want him, she just couldn't make the conscious decision to approach him. Scully knew her response to the Padgett case, her fear about the loss of time, her need to run from Mulder, was not rational. She feared at first she was going crazy. The negative thoughts that rolled through her brain were overwhelming. But while her own mind was urging her to run, to transfer or to quit, her heart was telling her to listen to Mulder. As crazy as his theories could be sometimes, they usually proved to be truer than any rational, scientific theories she came up with. As Mulder finished, she realized she needed time to consider his conjecture. The break for food allowed her the time to think. During the meal she found herself caressing Mulder with her eyes. She wanted him in so many ways, but was resigned to remain his partner and his friend. Could his ideas help maintain at least that relationship? As the meal was finished, she decided she needed to discuss this with him further. Her quiet voice broke through the silence. "You think I have...issues...that are being unleashed, triggered by the subliminal messages on the DVD from Ohio. The case with Padgett has provided the stress factor, and now I am reacting just like the other six women did. I'm running away." Leave it to Scully to cut to the chase. "Yes. That's exactly what I think. How far off the mark do you feel I am?" Mulder was relieved by her quiet statement of his theory. Scully was not rejecting it outright. "Do you have any thoughts on what the long term effect could be?" she asked quietly, ignoring his question. "Not at this time. We need to contact the families and see how many have actually returned home. I don't know what we'll find, but I would guess that not all the women returned." Mulder was truthful with her. "Why? These couples had strong relationships. The women loved their husbands and their children. How could a subliminal message destroy that kind of history?" "Scully, I'll be candid with you. Everything we've discussed is based on a theory. I'll have no hard data for you until we follow up with the Ohio couples. But I feel...I know that this is what is happening here. The message on the disk somehow fed the deeply buried pain of these women and destroyed all their carefully built controls- effectively allowing their pain to rule them." Mulder moved closer to her, slowly raising his hands to rub her upper arms in a gesture of comfort. "We don't know how many recognized that they needed help and got into counseling as a couple and individually." Scully stepped into his arms and buried her nose in his chest. "Jesus, Mulder, what kind of inhuman animals are we dealing with here? How many more ways do they have to find to torture the unsuspecting public? To torture us?" Scully began to weep softly. Mulder wrapped her in his arms, rocking slowly back and forth. "We can fight this, Scully. We know what they've done and we can work to stop it." "How? What can we possibly do to stop a subliminal message from ricocheting through my brain until it destroys everything I am and I hold dear?" Scully pulled away, anger building as she began to pace. "How can we help the six families in Ohio? How will we ever find the other test families you know they probably infected all across the country? What makes you think they would believe us, even if we could locate them?" She stopped across the room and faced him again. "We probably will never be able to find all the families that have been victimized. We could get the guys to see what they could find on other possible target areas. At best we can get the Ohio couples to believe us and seek counseling," Mulder said willing her closer with his eyes. "And me, Mulder. What do we do about me?" Scully moved slowly back to stand in front of him. "I can only tell you that my need to run is overwhelming. I am terrified by what is happening and it's taking everything I have not to disappear completely. The transfer was a stopgap, something to keep me sane. What can we do to keep us together? To keep our partnership together?" "Scully, you've always been such a mystery to me-Fox Mulder, the man. As a psychologist I recognize that you have memories, family history, and relationship dynamics that have molded you into the woman you are. I am speculating about the abandonment issues, but I think I'm pretty close to dead on with my reasoning," he looked at her for confirmation. Her slight nod was enough to allow him to carry on. "Long term, you need to see a therapist that you trust and work through these feelings. Learn or re-learn how to deal with them. I know you occasionally see someone, but you're going to have to make a more concentrated effort to work this out." Mulder's tone was gentle and supportive, but firm. "What about right now? What about short-term? Mulder, I need help now! I don't want to lose you as my partner, but these doubts, these fears are working on me even as we speak. It's like a worm crawling through my brain, destroying my self-confidence and self-worth, leaving only the cowardly pieces of my brain functioning." "Scully, I could...we could try to work on them together." Mulder was hesitant to go further until she gave him some kind of indication that she was receptive to working on this problem with him. "We could talk about things in your past that have hurt you-things that you need to discuss with your therapist later." Scully was silent for so long, he was certain he had lost her. "How would we do that, Mulder?" she asked in a whisper. "Well, if we agree to do this, I think we would first try to make you as comfortable as possible. You know, put on your most comfortable clothes, light a fire, pull the shades, and put on any certain kind of music that comforts you. Anything that makes you comfortable and secure in your surroundings." Mulder suggested. "Then?" Scully asked. "Then we talk. I...I can try to help you by listening as a friend. You know I'd do anything for you Scully. You're my best friend. But I can't lose you. If you aren't completely okay with this, we could call Karen. Or if this is too much for you, we don't have to do anything until Monday and you can contact your regular therapist." "I don't want to lose you either, Mulder. I'm going to take a bath and think about this for a while. Why don't you start a fire while I'm gone." Scully gave him a quick hug. "I'm not trying to put this off, don't worry. I won't be too long. I just need to collect my thoughts before we begin." As Scully tried to soak away her fears and marshal her thoughts, Mulder quickly moved around the living room. He cleaned up the few dishes from their lunch, started a fire, closed the curtains and lit a number of candles that Scully had placed around the room. He opened a bottle of wine she had chilling and put it on ice in the wine bucket. He placed it, along with a couple of wineglasses on the coffee table in the living room. By the time he was done, Scully was moving around in her bedroom. As Mulder looked around the room he had the feeling it looked like he had set up a seduction rather than a counseling session, but he wanted Scully to feel comfortable. If she didn't like anything he had done, she would certainly let him know about it. Scully pulled on her favorite at-home clothes. The navy sweat pants were large on her, as was the soft cotton dress shirt that had previously graced Mulder's body. She had appropriated it for her own when he had told her to just trash it-the front pocket had been torn off in a scuffle with a suspect. She kept it because it smelled like Mulder and she loved the feel of the fine cotton. Mulder certainly had excellent but expensive taste in clothing. Scully's frugal upbringing wouldn't allow her to destroy a perfectly fine shirt. At least that's what she told herself. Mulder did not comment as she entered, but he smiled as he left the room to make a quick pit stop, allowing Scully to settle into the living room. She needed to feel comfortable with his arrangements. He didn't want to push her into flight. This was her turf and if she took off, he might not be able to find her until irreparable damage had been done to their relationship. "So, Scully, is everything all right?" Mulder spoke softly from the doorway as he watched her look around the room. "Mulder, I should have you come over and set up the apartment the next time I'm entertaining. Everything looks lovely. You even did the dishes! Thanks, partner." Scully teased. "Did you want to pick out some music? I didn't know what particular disc would be the most comforting..." Scully shook her head and asked "So how should we begin?" The fear was creeping back into her voice. "Well, if everything is okay, we should just sit down and start talking." Mulder offered. They both moved to sit on the couch at opposite ends. Scully glanced at Mulder, looked away and cleared her throat. "Would you like a glass of wine?" "Yeah, sure. Thanks." Mulder accepted the glass she poured for him. Scully smiled and poured herself a glass of wine. She stared into the fire for a few moments before she began to talk. "You know, Mulder, I've been thinking and I have come to the conclusion that you are right about this whole situation." "Wait, I don't have my tape recorder on me. Agent Scully admits I'm right! Who are you and what did you do with my partner?" Mulder couldn't resist a tease. Scully smiled over her wineglass and allowed him his fun. "Sorry, Scully, I couldn't resist." Mulder smiled back. "That's all right. I can take it, I think. Speaking of thinking, I was remembering a lot of my childhood while I was in the bath. I seem to remember a great many happy times, Mulder, but none of the bad times. Why do you think that is?" For a few moments they discussed the happy times of their lives and how much easier it was not to dwell on unhappiness but how it seemed to rule in the end. Finally Scully quit talking and seemed to be contemplating how to say something to Mulder. "Mulder, I can't sit here like this and talk." "That's all right, Scully, I understand. It's not easy to..." Mulder began. "No, I mean I can't sit here on the couch like this and discuss personal memories with you. Mulder, you need to move." "Okay, do you want me to sit on the chair?" he said as he stood up. "No. I..." Scully couldn't find the words to tell Mulder what she needed so she decided to show him. Rising, she stood facing him, "Mulder, sit down at this end, with your back to the arm of the sofa." Mulder looked at her quizzically but did as she asked. Scully reached down, removed his shoes, and neatly placed them by the front door. When she returned to the couch, she lifted his legs by the ankles and moved them to the seat of the sofa. She then moved to sit on his lap allowing her own legs to slide between his legs and angling on her side so that she could press her face against his chest and her backside up against the couch. They had sat like this many times before watching movies together. "Is this okay, Mulder? This...when we are together like this is when I feel safe- comfortable." Scully's voice was barely a whisper as she burrowed into Mulder's arms. "Scully, I love holding you like this. It makes me feel happy and at peace, too." Mulder moved his arms around her, securing her to his chest and away from parts of his anatomy that could possible make her feel anxious. "How should I start, Mulder?" her voice was softer, more relaxed already. "Why don't you just start talking about things you remember from your childhood. Let your mind drift, be open, try to think of the good, but don't sidestep the bad things that happened. Can you do that?" "I can try," was all Scully could promise. For the next few minutes she gathered her thoughts, then began to talk. Happy childhood memories involving Missy and Charlie were easy to share. Only Bill didn't seem to be part of the happy picture Scully was painting, and Mulder caught that right away. As much as he hated to talk about Bill, he felt he had to point this out to her. "Scully, what about Bill? Don't you have any good memories of Bill?" Scully was quiet for a few moments. "I can remember Christmas and birthdays that involved Bill that were pleasant, but, Mulder, it's funny. I cannot remember Bill with any great warmth. I can remember Bill and Melissa together with a feeling of happiness. But, all I remember in my relationship with him is the anger and resentment I felt towards him and his overbearing ways." She became very quiet again as she contemplated her childhood and her older brother's place in it. "That's okay, Scully, we can come back to Bill later. What's the earliest memory you have?" Mulder asked. After careful contemplation, Scully began to speak. "The earliest memory I have is from when I was almost three. It's strange that I remember everything about it so clearly, but I've confirmed parts of it with my mother." Scully's breath hitched as she gathered strength to continue. "My father had been transferred again and we were moving in the middle of winter. Melissa and Bill had to stay to finish out the school term so Dad, Mom, Charlie and I were driving to the new posting. I remember it was winter. It was cold and the snow was blinding. The roads were bad, our car was old, and we couldn't have been driving over fifteen miles per hour. Charlie had been sick so Mom was watching him carefully. He was in the back seat next to me." Scully began rubbing her hand up and down Mulder's chest like a child with a silk blankie rubbing for comfort. "I will never forget the look on my mother's face when she turned around to check him. She could tell he was in trouble and her look of fear haunts me to this day." Scully sighed deeply and went on. "Mom yelled for Dad to stop the car. She lunged over the seat and grabbed Charlie, and began puffing breaths into his mouth. I can remember his little lips were so blue, he looked like he had been eating a grape Popsicle. She was panting and yelling at my father to get help and he jumped out of the car. He must have flagged down a semi, cause I can remember how close the tires passed to the window on my side of the car before it disappeared into the snowstorm and stopped in front of us." Once again she faded to silence, gathering strength to continue. "Dad opened Mom's car door and told her to go with the driver. He was traveling faster and could get Charlie to the hospital quickly. He looked over the seat and told me to be a brave little seaman and stay there while he helped Mom and Charlie." Scully started to wring her hands as she continued. "I was so scared," came out in a gasp. "I couldn't see anything but the snow whirling around the car and I was so scared that they had left me alone. It kept getting colder and colder. Everything was white outside the car. I couldn't see a difference between the ground and the sky. I was more alone than I had ever been in my entire life. I started to cry. I wanted my Mommy, but she was with Charlie. I wanted my Daddy, but he told me to wait there. I wanted my baby brother to be okay. God, Mulder, I was so scared." Scully started to cry softly. Mulder tightened his arms around her and began to rub her back to comfort her. "How long were they gone, Scully?" he asked quietly. "I don't know. It felt like an eternity, but probably was no more than five or ten minutes. When my Dad got back in the car he scolded me for crying. I was to be his brave little seaman-there was no time for tears. I know now he didn't mean to be harsh, he was just worried about Charlie, but then it was such a crushing blow to me. I couldn't seem to get warm. I guess it's because they couldn't run the heater. I was afraid to tell my father how cold I was. I just sat there, shaking, with silent tears falling. I tried to stop crying, but I couldn't stop the tears." Mulder tried to remain non judgmental of Captain Scully, but it was hard. He knew Scully needed him to be supportive so he repressed his feelings, allowing only loving, non-verbal sounds to escape his throat. "I remember hearing Mom talk about that time years later. Apparently Charlie had pneumonia complicated by a carbon dioxide leak in the heating system. We almost lost him. If the semi driver hadn't stopped and taken Mom and Charlie to the hospital quickly, he could have died or suffered permanent brain damage." "Looking back I think I tried to reconcile my feelings of fear and abandonment with the relief I felt that Charlie had survived and forced myself to forget the whole thing. But Mulder, just now remembering the entire incident, I realize I had a lot of anger towards my father and myself, too!" "I can understand your anger towards your father, but why do you think you were angry at yourself?" Mulder was puzzled by her last remark. "I guess...I feel like I failed him. I wasn't the strong little seaman he expected me to be. I was weak and couldn't stop crying. I let him down. That's probably why I always tried to be the brave little sailor when Dad had to ship out. I never wanted him to see me cry again." Scully whispered. She looked at him as if asking for his take on her assessment of the memory. Mulder hesitated before answering her silent question. "In general, I feel that's a good assessment of the situation, Scully. You had a right to be afraid, and with all the other circumstances, it's hard to not to understand your parents position. You also were a child. You had a right to feel fear and anger when left alone. I think you can see it now as an adult and realize that it was a bad situation and everyone did the best they could." Mulder felt the tension ease from her body. "I'm sure your father's response to you was driven by the fear that Charlie, his baby, was going to die. He wasn't there with Maggie and Charlie and felt helpless." Mulder left the rest unsaid, but he again felt resentment toward Captain Scully and his insensitivity to the child Scully was. "I guess I do have at least one abandonment issue, Mulder, and obviously an anger issue as well." "Don't we all, Scully?" Mulder murmured. "Don't we all!" They grew silent for a while. Mulder reached over to the table and handed Scully her glass of wine. As she sipped hers, he had some of his, too. Even with his training, this was going to be harder than he thought. Keeping his opinion out of the conversation, being objective when it came to Scully was more difficult than he previously imagined. When she had finished her wine, he offered her another glass. She shook her head and said, "Maybe later, thanks Mulder. I've been thinking about Bill." Mulder kept quiet and allowed her to continue at her own pace. End Part 10 of 15 ***** Late Afternoon, April 21, 1999 Dana Scully's Apartment, Georgetown, Virginia ***** When she had finished her wine, he offered her another glass. She shook her head and said, "Maybe later, thanks Mulder. I've been thinking about Bill." Mulder kept quiet and allowed her to continue at her own pace. "I know why Bill and I aren't close. At least, I think I do," she sighed. "When I was around six, I think, we had just moved again, but this time there were no children my age. There were older kids, Bill and Missy's ages and younger kids for Charlie to play with, but there was no one my age. I remember tagging along after Billy and Missy and how frustrated and angry they got with me-how I hated not being able to keep up. Mom made them include me, you see." "One day we were playing tag and I was it for the longest time, because I couldn't catch any of the other kids. Melissa finally convinced everyone to choose another game. They decided to play hide and go seek. Melissa was 'it' first." Scully shivered before she continued. Mulder reached up and pulled a knitted throw off the back of the sofa and spread it over her. She smiled her thanks to him and continued. "I didn't know where to hide so I followed Billy. He was really angry with me. He hated to loose. He took me over to a storm drain and convinced me to climb down in and hide. He moved the lid back on part way to disguise my hiding place. He told me not to say a word and I would win. I didn't like to lose all the time either, so I stayed quiet as a mouse, even when the kids were walking practically over my head. I could hear Melissa asking Bill where I was and he told her I must have decided to go home. A few moments later, everyone left to go play baseball." Scully's face flushed red with the anger that flashed though her. "I got scared as it got dark. I thought Bill was just playing along with me-letting me win big time, you know. It started to rain and the drain started to fill with water from the run off. I tried to stay as far out of the water as I could, but I couldn't keep dry for long. I was so cold and terrified. I felt alone and abandoned and angry with Bill. I guess I eventually passed out." Scully stopped and raised her face to Mulder. "The next thing I remember I woke up in the hospital. I had been unconscious for two days. I had hypothermia and was just inches from drowning when they found me." "How did they find you, Scully?" Scully took a deep breath and continued. "When it started to rain Melissa and Bill ran home. My mom was furious that they had left me. Melissa said Bill had told her I had left to come home earlier. Bill stuck to that lie until my father got home. Bill and my dad had a little private talk and when Billy finally crumbled and told Dad where I was, it was almost too late." Scully shivered again. "Have you noticed that all my bad memories include cold, Mulder?" He just grunted and held her closer. "I don't know what happened with Dad and Bill. By the time I came home from the hospital, his punishment was over." "So your relationship with Bill was damaged by his actions that almost killed you?" Mulder was unsure of the answer. "Oh, no," Scully laughed. "The relationship was still that of big brother/little sister- you know-a love/hate type of thing. I was mad at Billy for not letting me win the game more than anything else. Don't forget that I was only six years old. Bill was overly nice to me for some time. I guess he realized what the consequences of his actions could have been and was truly sorry. Our relationship was destroyed by the years of over protectiveness Bill started to exhibit. I guess Ahab put the fear of God and William Scully, Sr. in Billy and guilt is what killed any chance for closeness we could have had." "Don't tell me. He tried to second guess you and protect you for your own good?" Mulder had a sudden streak of sympathy for Bill Scully that was totally at odds with his overwhelming feeling of disgust. He had learned the hard way-was still learning in fact-that Scully did not need nor want anyone to protect her unless she asked for their help. Still Bill's actions bordered on criminal as far as he was concerned. He could have killed his little sister. He fought for the emotional control he needed to help Scully. "I hated him at times. He would tattle on me for the smallest thing. My mother realized early on I was going to be a tomboy, but was terrified that I would risk too much and get seriously hurt. She tried to redirect my energies into areas that would not lead to death or mutilation. I chaffed at the restrictions I perceived my gender placed on my life. All my anger and resentment was directed at Billy. I aggravated him at every chance and our animosity grew as we did. By the time I started thinking about dating, he would actively threaten any guy who even looked at me. He never treated Melissa that way, she wouldn't stand for it, I guess. He made my life hell. I guess that's why when he went to the academy I went a little wild." Mulder drew back to look into her eyes. "You, Scully, wild?" he said with a grin. "Nothing too crazy, just a real social life for a while. I tried out for cheerleading and drama and did a lot of party going that I hadn't done before. My grades suffered but after a talk with my Dad, I eased off and balanced my life again. I still chose to go to college at a school on the other side of the country from my family, when it became time to enroll. My relationship with Bill didn't warm up again until after medical school." Scully was uncomfortable with continuing this line of thought. Something else came to her that she wanted to share with Mulder. "I think the biggest reason I have a problem allowing myself to develop relationships was my 'Navy Brat' upbringing." "How's that, Scully?" "You lived in one or two places your whole childhood. I don't know how many times we moved during my childhood. I guess my Mom would know, but I lost count at around thirteen or fourteen. It's hard to develop friendships when you know you'll be moving or your new friend will be moving away. It's easy to say you'll keep in touch, but to be truthful, it doesn't happen." "Small town life isn't all that it's cracked up to be, believe me Scully." Mulder interjected. "I know, Mulder, but I've always been a private person-it's my nature. Being the 'new girl' isn't easy when you're an introvert. It can be very lonely. It got to the point it was easier to keep to myself and study than to try to make friend. The books, the knowledge, the structure of education were always a constant. Friends were almost a luxury in my life until college." ***** Early Evening, April 21, 1999 Dana Scully's Apartment, Georgetown, Virginia ***** They continued to talk until both were surprised when they realized the light behind the curtains was gone and it was early evening. "Are you hungry, Mulder? I have some left over lasagna and garlic bread my mother made. Would you like to have some?" "And you made me eat Chinese for lunch? Of course! I never turn down something that your mother cooked!" Mulder teased. They ate a quiet, companionable meal and washed the dishes. Scully rebuilt the fire and replaced some of the candles that had gone out. The wine was put away and cups of hot chocolate replaced it as they snuggled together on the couch. Mulder was fearful of the next step in this exploration of Scully's emotions, but it had to be faced. "You know, Scully, we've talked about your family and how you have some issue of anger and abandonment, and that explains some of the response the DVD caused you to experience. What other areas of your life do you feel you have issues with?" Mulder gently guided her to the next level of introspection. "What exactly do you mean, Mulder?" Scully wasn't going to play. Mulder stared at her for a few moments before answering. "Scully, you told me that you love me-that you're 'In Love' with me, yet in our seven years together, I had no clue about your feelings. Don't you think that maybe you have some issues with relationships outside your family?" "You mean with co-workers?" Mulder didn't see the teasing glint in Scully's eyes. "Uh...yeah and with... you know..." Mulder stammered. "Men? Mulder? Do you mean romantic relationships with men or women?" she questioned. "Women? Scully? Is there something you want to share, G-Woman?" Mulder caught the tease in her voice and decided to play. "No, not really-at least about women." Scully said smiling. "But I think you're right about my past relationships needing to be examined. I'm just not certain that I feel comfortable discussing this with you, Mulder. I mean, we haven't even discussed our relationship yet! How can I talk about old lovers?" Scully was blushing by the time she finished. "Scully, I don't want you to talk about anything that makes you uncomfortable. I think you have a lot to discuss with your therapist already. You were so brave this morning, sharing pain from your childhood. I'm sure that it will be a good start." Mulder hesitated before continuing. "Why do I feel like a 'but' or an 'and' is coming?" Scully interjected. Mulder smiled sadly and said, "But I don't think we can talk about 'us' until you have a better idea about why relationships with your previous lovers did or did not work. I've waited seven years, Scully. I can wait for a few more months until you're ready to commit to 'us'. Whoever is behind the experiment with the DVDs intended for you to be affected." Mulder took a deep breath and continued, "This is more than just a casual thing for me, Scully. I want you to know that up front. I'll do whatever I have to do, including joint counseling, to ensure a strong, lasting relationship with you. I love you. I've lost too many people in my life and barely survived it. I don't think...no, I know, I wouldn't survive losing you." Scully saw the tears in her eyes mirrored by Mulder's. "I want forever, too, Mulder. I don't know if we have a day or a year or fifty years on this earth, but I want every second we have left to be spent together in mind and heart and body. You're right, we need to explore my past relationships, not that there have been that many, but it's very difficult for me to be open about emotions." "I know how you feel, Scully, I don't find it the easiest thing in the world to talk about my past involvements. Just take your time. I promise I will try not to make you more uncomfortable-I won't tease or question you. I love you and I only want to help." Silence fell over them while they gathered strength from each other. Finally Scully spoke. "Whooboy, here goes. You know I almost kissed Eddie Van Blundht but that was because I thought he was you. I had a hard time with that one, Mulder. When I saw you at the door and Eddie morphed back to himself, I felt so violated and embarrassed." Mulder squeezed her comfortingly. "Before Eddie was Ed Jerse. One wanted to rape me and one wanted to kill me. Good track record so far, wouldn't you say? Ed Jerse was a big mistake. I knew I was stupid to even speak to him. I was pissed at you, Mulder. I felt you didn't value me, didn't see me as anything but a high paid sidekick who was slowing you down. I think at some level, I was aware that I had the cancer or at least that something was wrong with me. I was restless and rebellious and he was handy." She realized she wanted Mulder to really understand about Jerse. "I intended to sleep with him, Mulder, but I found out something about myself that night." Mulder continued to listen moving to stare intently into her eyes. "I couldn't sleep with Ed Jerse because it felt like I was being unfaithful to you. I realized I loved you that night, but refused to share it with you when I got back. Ed was gentleman enough to stop when I asked-or when his tattoo forbid him to touch me-I'll never know. But he was disturbed enough to try to kill me the next day. I was terrified when he attacked me, but the most overwhelming feeling from the whole situation was anger directed toward myself for being so weak. For allowing my emotions to rule me." "Which emotions, Scully?" Mulder asked. "I was angry that I allowed you to get under my skin, so deep that you could hurt me by your indifference. I felt that I had lost my professionalism because I wanted you to see me as a woman as well as a partner. On the one hand, I was angry with myself for wanting you, when I knew you would never want me. On the other hand, I was furious with myself for being too much of a coward to let you know how I felt, so I shut myself off from you completely." "I wish I had known, Scully. I realized I loved you when you were captured by Duane Barry. I wanted to tell you, but I let my fears rule me, too. Why would anyone as wonderful as you want a man as fucked up as I was then? I couldn't tell you either." "Mulder! I've never thought of you as 'fucked up'. I'm glad, though, that we waited." Scully was quiet for a moment. "Mulder, what changed for you? Why did you decide to tell me?" Mulder thought for a moment before he answered her. "You did, Scully. My relationship with you made me whole. I've grown more in the years I've been with you than in all the years before. You changed me, Scully, just you." Scully moved her face to hide in the crook of Mulder's neck. The tears that fell from her eyes were mirrored by those shed by Mulder. They both felt too tender towards the other to talk for a while so they just cuddled, heart to heart. "Thank you, Mulder." "No, thank you, Scully." Mulder whispered sincerely. Scully, sighed deeply and began to talk a few moments later. "Before Ed, I hadn't had more than a couple casual dates since March 1993. I was in a short term relationship when we were first made partners. His name was Ethan Minnuete. We hadn't been together for very long. He couldn't handle my commitment to my work. When I chose to go to Belle Fleur, Oregon with you that March, he challenged me to pick either my job or him. You know how that one went." "Were you hurt when he left, Scully?" "Yes and no. Ethan had helped me get over Jack and I will always be grateful to him for that. I missed being part of a couples relationship, but I didn't appreciate him giving me an ultimatum. My career was as important to me as his was to him. I didn't understand why he had to make it a choice until years later when I ran into him." Scully smiled to herself. "He wanted to know if we were still together, then he was gracious enough to tell me the truth. He was jealous. He had mentioned that you were my new partner to a woman friend of his from the D.O.J. and she teasingly told him what a 'fox' you were. He couldn't admit to jealousy so he made it a control issue. He was happily married with a stay-at-home wife and 2.5 children when we last talked. I'm happy for him." Mulder couldn't wipe the smile from his face. "Not much angst there, huh?" "No, not with Ethan. But Jack Willis caused enough pain to cover two relationships." Scully hesitated. "He was the one who first called me Ice. It quickly migrated to Doc Ice and then to the Ice Queen." "I thought you were living with him, Scully. Why would he do something so cruel?" Mulder couldn't understand anyone trying to hurt his Scully on purpose. "Oh, it wasn't meant to be derogatory when he first called me Ice. It was a compliment. He meant it as praise for my professional demeanor, my ability to hold it together under stress. You remember how hard it was during our training days. He actually was impressed enough with me to ask me out even though it was against regs. When he found out I was equally cool under stress in an autopsy situation, he added the Doc." "Mulder, I'm only telling you this part because Jack is dead. If he were alive I wouldn't share this with you or any one." Scully made sure Mulder understood that this part was strictly confidential. "We dated for a while and eventually, we became intimate. Things were alright until I graduated and moved in with him. Jack had diabetes and refused to take care of himself. It was the reason he was at Quantico instead of in the field at that time. His disease caused him to have difficulties, sexually. He was only able to achieve an erection and ejaculate after a lot of foreplay. The foreplay was always the same-the only scenario that excited him was less than successful at satisfying my needs. At first I thought we could work through it, but he wasn't willing to take care of himself enough to improve his health or to find other ways to enrich our relationship. I thought I loved him so I tried to keep things going for as long as possible, but I became more and more distant. I finally told him I couldn't continue to allow him to use me to masturbate. Jack started calling me the Ice Queen when I moved out of his bedroom. When I found my own place and moved out completely, he became very bitter and eventually started using the comment in front of others." "Scully. I'm sorry he hurt you like that." "Jack caused me a lot of pain-pain that extended beyond the end of our relationship until today. I wasn't inclined to start dating again and every agent that tried and failed to date me fed into the Ice Queen excuse. Of course, there wasn't anything wrong with them. It had to be me. When Jack died, I hoped the name would be buried, but apparently it has gained a life of its own." Scully's attempt at humor barely covered the pain she felt. "I have to tell you Mulder, I was glad when people started calling me Mrs. Spooky, at least some of them dropped the Ice Queen remark. " Mulder hugged her tighter, trying to ease her pain. "I'm so sorry Scully." He let his hand slide up to stroke her hair and gently kissed her forehead. She hugged him back, reveling in the comfort of his embrace. Tucked away in his arms they were able to discuss her relationship with Jack and how it related to the feelings of anger and abandonment that were playing havoc with her rational self. She knew she had a lot of work to do with her therapist, but these past few hours had served to give both Mulder and herself an insight into her psyche that wouldn't have been possible before this. "Scully, if you're tired we could break here and get some sleep," Mulder offered. Dana Scully knew that if she stopped now, she would never find the courage to share her intimate secrets again. They would find a way to carry on without readdressing this subject. She wanted to finish this now. She couldn't take the chance that she would lose him at some later date because of unresolved issues. "That's okay, Mulder. I want to finish what we've started. How about a cup of coffee? Talking is dry business," she teased. "Sure, I'll help." Mulder followed her to the kitchen. They moved as a team, prepared the coffee, and then stood side by side-shoulders touching-waiting for it to brew. "Scully, what attracted you to Jack Willis?" Mulder's mind couldn't quit running over their conversation. She contemplated his question for a few minutes before answering. "I hate to admit it, Mulder, but I was attracted to him because of his maturity. I...had just come out of a painful relationship and he seemed to be safe. He was my type..." she stopped to contemplate her next words. "Your 'type', Scully?" Mulder questioned. "What do you mean by that? I always thought your type was shorter and blonder-you know captain of the football team, Joe College type." Mulder teased. "What ever gave you that impression, Mulder?" Scully smiled back at him. "I don't know, it just seemed to fit." Mulder said, blushing slightly. "Well, you're completely off the mark, Agent Mulder. My 'type' is tall, dark, and handsome. I've always yearned for lean and lanky men instead of muscle bound ones. But most importantly, I've always wanted a man with a brilliant mind." "Hey, don't dis the Captain of the Football team. He needs brains to keep all those muscle men focused on winning and not creating mayhem amongst themselves." Mulder teased. "Did you play football, Mulder?" Scully teased back. "Nah! I was more into basketball, baseball and track. I wasn't into inflicting pain during cold weather. Besides, when I was in high school I wasn't the manly specimen you see before you today." "Too skinny, huh, Mulder?" Scully laughed. "Well, the facts are I didn't grow into my appendages until I was at Oxford and my mother wouldn't sign the release form." "Why not, Mulder?" Scully was surprised that Teena Mulder cared enough to make a stand about her son's activities. "I played one year and I guess I came home with too many bloody wounds and bruises. I always thought it reminded her too much of the years my father used me for a punching bag before he left. I didn't really mind. At least she noticed me enough to care about something in my life." Scully bumped him gently with her hip. "Well, Mulder, I for one am glad you didn't play football." "Why's that, Scully?" Mulder was surprised. "You probably would've blown out your knee or gotten some sort of injury that would have prevented you from joining the FBI and I never would have met you." She was only half teasing. Mulder poured their coffee and thought about her statement. "I don't know, Scully. I have a feeling that we would have met, no matter what career choices we made. I think we were meant to be together." "Are you talking about fate, Agent Mulder?" Scully teased. "Nope, love. I think you and I are meant to love one another, Scully. And I think that we would have met if I had been a trash collector and you had chosen to be a tollbooth operator. I think we are one soul and have been together forever." Mulder smiled as he said it, but the importance of his words did not escape Scully. "Sometimes I think you may be right, Mulder." Scully said quietly and smiled before moving back to the living room. "But, how does that explain the love we have felt for others in our lives?" "I can't speak for you, but I know I have never loved someone as deeply or completely as I love you. I can remember thinking that someone else was the one for me, believing it with my whole heart, but it ended too quickly to prove to be right or wrong. I have loved you for years, Scully, without hope of having that love returned until now. I think that the test of time is the real proof here. If you have loved others in your life, did it last? Would it be as strong as our love if it had continued?" "Good questions, Mulder, but impossible to answer. If the relationship ended, how can we know if it would have lasted? Isn't that an oxymoron?" Scully shrugged off that line of thought. Mulder took the hint that she didn't want to get into a deep philosophical conversation right now, but wanted to continue their earlier conversation. They settled back on the couch, this time with Scully's feet in Mulder's lap. The small distance gave them breathing room, but still felt intimate. Mulder pulled her socks off and began to rub her feet. "Oh, that feels heavenly, Mulder." Scully groaned and smiled. "Daniel used to massage my feet. He always said that only another doctor could know how much it meant to have a foot massage." "Daniel?" Mulder gently prodded. "Dr. Daniel Waterston, the reason I began dating Jack. Jack was everything Daniel wasn't. Jack was strong, moral, and brave, especially compared to Daniel. The biggest plusses about Jack were that he approved of me and my contribution to the FBI and he truly seemed to be interested in me as a person." "I take it Daniel was only interested in you as an extension of himself and his reputation as a doctor? Didn't he want that luscious little body of yours, Scully?" Mulder teased. "Oh, yes, he was after me for a long time before I succumbed. He was a brilliant cardiologist and wanted me to follow in his footsteps. Unfortunately, he forgot to tell me about his wife and daughter. Our courtship was a lot longer than our relationship. As soon as I found out about his family I told him goodbye. I think my decision to join the FBI was affected by the need to get away from Daniel and all our acquaintances that knew about our relationship. I realized that their opinion of my abilities would always be tainted by my relationship with Daniel." Scully was contemplative for a moment. "I knew they would always wonder if I was as good as everyone thought or if I was as good as Daniel thought I was. My sexual relationship with him somehow increased their respect for him and decreased their acceptance of me. For women, Mulder, it's a strange world we live in. No matter what you do someone will wonder if you've slept your way to the top. It's an area of unresolved angst and anger for me. I've worked with my therapist for a long time on this subject alone." "I think I understand, but Scully, you must know that the people around you, Skinner, Kersh, even Cassidy, realize that you are excellent at what you do, and you've proved that excellence with consistent hard work over your entire career." "Thank you, Mulder, but you don't know how many agents think I sleep around." "What? With who?" "Mrs. Spooky. Does that give you a hint?" she said with a smile. "Yeah, well, I've heard that, but where do they think that would get you? A prime work table in the basement? All the autopsies you can handle? Your own designated hot seat in front of Skinner's desk?" Mulder grinned. "Everyone that's anyone knows that you're the best agent in DC. After all, if you can keep Spooky in line, you can do anything." "Mulder, thank you, but it's something I've wrestled with for years and it's not going to change in my heart and mind without a lot of work." "I can accept that, but I don't think it's one of the things that are affecting our relationship. Or do you, Scully? Do you think I treat you like others do?" "No, Mulder. I can truly say that you have always judged me by my abilities alone. Even when you thought I was a spy sent to shut you down, you treated me fairly and without sexual prejudice. It's one of your more endearing qualities." Scully smiled at him as he blushed. "Jack was a lot like you in that way. When he was my instructor, he judged me on my abilities, without gender prejudice, and I appreciated it very much. I think that's the first reason I even gave him a second glance after training was over. I was so set on not getting involved with an instructor I ignored his advances until I accepted the teaching position at Quantico." "Did you ever tell Daniel how you felt about any of this?" Mulder tried to keep her on task. They needed to finish with Daniel so he could get to the one that really hurt Scully. He knew none of the previous men they discussed had done the damage to her heart that caused her to build her walls. These guys were justification to keep the walls up and strongly reinforced. Mulder needed to know who caused her to build up the walls around her heart. She built those walls on the foundation that her childhood pain had laid. If they were to have a future, he needed to push her to topple the walls and let him in. "No, I couldn't face Daniel with such a small point after finding out about his marriage. His daughter was only a few years younger than I was disgusted that I had been taken in by him. He was only the second man I had a sexual relationship with and I was sickened that I allowed him to fool me so completely." "Why do you think you allowed him to disguise the truth? You obviously weren't the first nor probably the last younger woman he used to cheat on his wife. How could you have known?" Mulder tried to soothe her. "I should have known. I should have asked him directly. I should have asked around more. It was my responsibility to know who I was getting involved with, Mulder. It was my fault." Scully began to cry softly. "It hurt Maggie so much. She thought I was her hero. I was a woman that made it in her father's field. I was special. She was shocked when she found out about our sexual relationship. She tried to kill herself. That's how I found out he was married." "Oh God, Scully. You must have been devastated." "I went to her hospital room to visit her and her mother was there. There was an ugly scene with a lot of name calling. I couldn't speak except to say I was sorry. I just stood there, taking everything they had to say. I'll never forget looking up and seeing Daniel outside the door, too cowardly to come in- unable to face his wife, unable to defend me. I couldn't get away from him fast enough. When the final offer from the FBI came in, I think I would have accepted it even if I hadn't been interested. I just wanted out." "My father accused me of running away to the FBI. Maybe he was right, in a way, but I have never regretted the decision. After all, it brought me to you." Scully smiled at Mulder through her tears. He moved his hand from her feet to gently rub her knee. "I know you will always have doubts about whether you were running or not, but I think you know that you made the right decision to leave Daniel. A woman like you needs more than the Daniels of this world can provide." Mulder soothed her. "You mentioned that Daniel was only the second man you were with. Who was first?" Scully's reaction was so strong it surprised him. She pulled her feet from his grasp and swiftly moved to stand up. She fled across the room and stood staring out the living room window. "I'm not sure I can talk about him with you, Mulder," she said with her back turned to him. End Part 11 of 15 Title: What Might Have Been Part 12 of 15 FatCat (FatCat926@msn.com) ***** Mid-Evening, April 21, 1999 Dana Scully's Apartment, Georgetown, Virginia ***** "I'm not sure I can talk about him with you, Mulder," she said with her back turned to him. Mulder was surprised, but glad at the same time. 'Ah, here's the one we've been looking for' he thought. He knew he would have to be careful. If there was any subject that was dangerous enough for her to completely shut him out, it was the events connected to this man. The unknown 'First'-damn, he hated him already. Mulder slowly rose from the couch, making sure he made enough noise that she knew he was coming towards her. "I know that you don't want to talk about him, Scully. You don't have to say anything you don't want to, You know I won't press you. You can save this subject for your therapist, if you choose." He placed his hands gently on her shoulders and turned her to him. Giving her space was one of the hardest things he ever had to do. She sighed as she laid her cheek on his warm chest. "You would let me get by with it, wouldn't you Mulder." "By with what?" Mulder didn't follow her thinking. "You would let me chicken out on telling you about the man who hurt me the most, wouldn't you?" "I wouldn't do anything that would cause you pain, Scully. If you can't tell me about him, I can understand." Mulder wrapped his arms around her. "I want to kill him you know. Anyone that hurt you this badly is on my hit list." "Get out the SIG Sauer, huh, Mulder." She was smiling at the picture painted in her mind, but her smile quickly changed to a sob. "Scully, what did that asshole do to you?" Mulder went very still. "He didn't rape you did he?" "No." "Beat you?" "No." "Humiliate you?" "No, not exactly." "Well, what did he do that was so devastating?" Mulder was totally clueless. "He made me love him and then he left me." Scully was openly crying now. "He told me he loved me and spent hours making sweet love to me, then left me without a trace." "He disappeared? Was he killed?" "I don't know. He gave me a false name, and I never found a shred of evidence he had ever existed. I don't have any idea what happened to him. I only know he left and it felt like I lost half of me." Scully's hot tears burned into Mulder's heart like hot sparks from a forest fire. They rained down on him, burning at contact, constant and painful. His breathing was shallow, his tears building to join hers. 'Damn, I've cried more in the last two days than I have before in my entire life." "Tell me, Dana. Please tell me. Let me help you. Please, let me share your pain." His arms tighten around her as if to give her the strength she needed to share her burden. Scully crumpled against him. "Help me, Mulder, please." Mulder gathered her up in his arms and carried her to her bed. He carefully flipped the covers back and laid her down. He turned the lamp on low. He turned to her and let his fingers smooth her hair out of her face, tucking it behind her ear. "I'm just going into the bathroom for a wet washcloth, Scully. I'll be right back," he said tenderly. He got her a glass of water, a box of tissues, and the wet cloth and quickly returned. She had lit the candle next to her bed and turned off the light while he was gone. He sat down next to her and offered her the box of tissues and the glass of water. She gratefully accepted both. When she laid back down, he took the cloth and ran it gently across her face. She closed her eyes and leaned into his touch. "I think that this is enough for tonight, Scully. I want you to get some sleep. We'll talk tomorrow." Mulder began to stand, but Scully caught his forearm in an iron grip. "No, Mulder. Stay," she said. "Scully, I don't..." "I want to tell you, Mulder, here, tonight. If I don't do this tonight, I may never have enough courage to tell anyone, ever." "All right, Scully." Mulder started to sit back down. "No, please, lie down with me-hold me. I need your strength, Mulder. I've not spoken to anyone about this since Melissa died. Please." Mulder couldn't believe Scully asked him to lie down beside her and hold her. This had to be a bad one if she needed that kind of support. He nodded and stood up to take off his shoes and socks. She flipped open the covers on the opposite side of the bed and he moved to crawl in, fully dressed. "You can take off your jeans, Mulder. I've seen you with less on, you know." Scully said. Mulder nodded his head and turned his back to slide out of his jeans. As an after thought he removed his shirt. He was more comfortable with only his tee shirt and boxers on. He crawled in between the sheets and pulled her into his embrace. He was careful not to allow his erection to touch her. He knew he was there to comfort her, but being in bed with Scully was very arousing for him. Scully snuggled into his arms and allowed her breathing to slow, calming her tears at the same time. There was something very special about being in bed with Mulder when they were both physically healthy, even if she was an emotional disaster right now. "This is nice, Mulder. I could get used to this." "Yeah, Skinner would appreciate us sharing a room to lower our line item for out-of-state travel expenses, too." Mulder joked as he nuzzled her hair. "Very funny, Mulder," she smiled into his chest then gave a huge sigh. "I think I should start at the beginning." A few moments passed before she spoke again, but Mulder was willing to let her take this at her own pace. "I was a virgin until I graduated from medical school. I tried to tell myself that I had always put so much into my studies I didn't have time for romance. It was a lie, Mulder. I never felt attracted to anyone, male or female, and I was convinced that I would spend my life alone or in a marriage of convenience. I accepted my fate, but I always wondered how it would feel to fall in love or even in lust with someone." Mulder held himself very still. He was shocked at her disclosure. The fact that she hadn't allowed herself to fall in love like so many young women wasn't unusual-she was an intelligent, focused individual. That she would accept her inability to love, astounded him. She was obviously a warm, caring, passionate woman. He could see it so easily, why didn't she believe it about herself? "I went home for Christmas that year, and for the first time in many years, everyone was there. It was great. That is until the man I thought I would marry, surprised me with a visit. Bill hated him on sight. He started in on him and by the time he was done, he left in tears. Bill had correctly identified his interest in me. He was a homosexual but was afraid to tell his family. He was fond of me enough to marry me as a cover for his lifestyle and I was foolish enough not to recognize it." Mulder squeezed her even tighter. 'Score one for Bill,' he thought. "I was furious. I was disappointed with him, I was mad at Bill for his treatment of him, and I was livid with myself for not recognizing his motives. I stormed out of the house after a huge fight with Bill. Melissa was the only one who understood how I felt and came to find me. She always knew how to make me feel better, you know, Mulder? That's why I miss her so much even now." Scully signed deeply before continuing. "What did she say to cheer you up, Scully?" Mulder whispered. Scully raised her eyes to his and smiled, "She suggested a road trip." Mulder laughed out loud. "I can hear Melissa suggesting that, but I can't see how that would help." "Not a "guy" road trip, Mulder. A road trip for women doesn't include guzzling all the alcohol you can afford to buy and hitting on the opposite sex. A Scully woman's road trip always meant a day at a full service beauty salon and clothes shopping, followed by bar hopping to show off our new selves." "And then you hit on the men?" Mulder teased. "No, then we hustled pool to replace all the money we spent earlier that day." Scully grinned at Mulder's shocked look. "The Scully women have always excelled at geometry. And after all, what is billiards if not a study in geometry in 3-D." "Did you take your road trip?" Mulder asked. "Oh, yeah. We let our folks know we'd be back in a couple days and took off. Melissa had found a fantastic day spa up the coast a way so that's where we headed." Scully grew quiet again. "I was still so angry with Bill that I was feeling rebellious. When we got there I decided on the spot to have all my hair cut off and colored, but during the process, it didn't feel like enough." "So what did you do?" "I decided to get a whole body wax done." Scully whispered. "Does that mean what I think it does, Scully?" Mulder choked out. "Yep, every hair on my body was removed." Scully teased. "Ouch!" was all Mulder could say, but a film of sweat beaded on his forehead. He couldn't deny to himself how erotic the memory of a woman's body smooth and silky after a waxing had been. To think of Scully all soft and silky, open and delicious almost drove him crazy. Only reminding himself over and over that he was holding her for comfort, that she needed him for support, that he wasn't invited into her bed for sex, kept his embrace platonic and not one of lust. The niggling of a memory started tingling in Mulder's subconscious. "It was a little painful, and terribly embarrassing, but it helped defuse my anger so I guess it was what I needed. We went shopping and I bought some new clothes that complimented my new hair color and after we ate dinner we drove even farther up the coast looking for just the right place to win back some of the money we'd spent." "I don't know how far Melissa drove, I fell asleep. When I woke up she was cruising by a series of bars along the coast. When she found the right one, we stopped." "Why did you have to go up the coast, Scully?" "Well, I asked Melissa the same thing. She looked at me like I was dense and told me that both Dad and Bill were stationed nearby and it wouldn't do for both the Scully women to be seen hustling pool near the base." "A smart move, Scully. Melissa had hidden depths. So did you hustle your way to wealth?" Mulder teased. Scully was quiet for a moment, then continued. "No, I didn't shoot pool that night. That's the night I fell in love. Melissa noticed him first. She told me he hadn't taken his eyes off me since we came in. I was curious about him and took a peek. I couldn't believe my eyes. I'd never seen a more beautiful man in my life." Scully pulled away slightly and looked into Mulder's eyes, smiling. "You reminded me of him when I first met you." Mulder's surprised look caused her to lower her face to his chest again to continue. "Needless to say, I wasn't feeling the best about my luck with men right then, so I didn't believe he was interested until he made his first move. Even then, I thought he just wanted me to introduce him to Melissa-that happened a lot." "And did he want Melissa?" Mulder asked. 'How anyone would choose Melissa over Scully was a mystery.' he thought as he stroked her hair gently. "No, he wanted me, apparently as much as I wanted him. I never felt so alive as I did when he held me. We talked and laughed and danced. When Melissa was done hustling pool, I was terrified that I would never see him again, but apparently he felt the same way. We managed to spend the next two days and three nights together." "Did he make love to you, Scully?" Mulder tortured himself. "Yes," she said quietly. "He made love to me over and over again. He blew away all my theories about my being cold and alone for the rest of my life. I thought I truly loved him. I thought I was meant to be with him forever." "What happened?" Mulder knew this wasn't going to be good. Something in the back of his mind was warning him this was not going to be good at all. "We met on Tuesday night and spent all our time together. I knew I had to go home Friday evening but I was hoping we could talk about what we were going to do to find a way to be together before I had to leave." Scully stopped again to gather her strength. "When I woke up Friday morning he was gone. I looked for a note, but all I found was money on the top of the TV. I was devastated. I thought he loved me, but obviously he didn't. He left a hundred dollars and disappeared. I felt so dirty, so used. How could he? Was that all I was worth to Andrew Morgan, Mulder?" Scully was crying hard now. Mulder's entire body went rigid. He felt like he had been sucker punched in the gut. He was speechless. The memory that had been teasing his mind for the last few minutes flooded his brain. All he could think was 'Oh, my God' over and over. 'She was Kat.' A low keening sound escaped from his throat. He had hurt Scully. He was Andrew Morgan. He was the man that hurt Scully so badly she closed herself off to love for almost ten years. Mulder's pain made it impossible for him to speak so he began to rock Scully back and forth in his arms. He didn't know who he was trying to comfort the most. He had to tell her, had to let her know what happened. But he feared, even as he comforted her, he was going to lose her. She would hate him as she hated Andrew Morgan now. Scully's tears began to slow. Mulder tried to think of a way to tell her what happened, but he remained speechless, thinking. He had hurt her, but she had devastated him. He lost his sanity looking for Katherine Hennessey. "I didn't want to use Drew's money for a cab, so I called Melissa. I cried myself back to sleep while waiting for her. When I answered my door, I was mortified to find Billy there. Apparently he and Melissa had been talking when I called and he bullied his way into being the one to pick me up. He started in on me, but when I began crying again, he didn't have the heart to continue. He just hugged me and sent me in to shower. He packed up my bags and took me back to Mom and Dad's house. He never said another word about it. I don't think I ever loved him as much as I did right then." "I made it through the next few hours and got on the plane home. I broke down and cried for several days, then decided to do something about the entire situation. I turned to a couple friends that were into computers and I ask them to find Andrew Morgan for me. That's when I realized he didn't exist. It was as if all the love I felt was for a ghost. It was all a lie. If he didn't exist, he couldn't love me." Scully fell silent. She accepted Mulder's silence as his loving support of her pain. Her need to hear Mulder's loving voice grew stronger. She drew back enough to look into his eyes again. The tears poised there almost destroyed her. His pain was palatable. "Mulder? Are you okay?" she asked. "Scully," Mulder pulled her into his arms, sucking her up against his chest. "What if Andrew Morgan did look for you. What if he searched for months? What if you had disappeared as surely for him as he had for you?" "What do you mean? I was right there in Maryland, at the University Hospital doing my residency. If he wanted to find me he could have done so." "What if he searched for his Kat and no one knew a petite, blonde medical resident named Katherine? What if he had gone back to the motel and searched for her sister and found no one had been registered as Melody Hennessey? What if he searched airline manifests and didn't find her name? What if he actually forced his way onto Miramar Navel base to try to find her father and her brother, but was told that there was no officers named Hennessey stationed there and had not been for years?" Mulder drew in a deep breath and continued. "What if he had left a letter for you, telling you his real name, why he was using an alias, and where an how to reach him-giving you all the numbers necessary to contact him?" His voice broke as he continued. "What if he felt as betrayed as you did? What if he was so in love he couldn't eat or sleep? What if he actually had a nervous breakdown due to his loss of Katherine and the brutality of his job? What would you say to him if you found him again, Scully? Katherine?" As he spoke, Scully gradually realized that he knew more about the situation than she had revealed. His words cut into her heart and left bloody slashes. Mulder was Andrew Morgan! How did she not know? She pulled away from his embrace and moved to turn up the light. She huddled against the headboard with her knees drawn up to her chest. "You were Drew," was all she could say when he finished speaking. "And you were Kat," Mulder said as he slid from the bed to stand and face her. "How could you do that to me, Mulder? To any woman?" Scully began to shake uncontrollably. She ran into the bathroom and slammed the door, locking it quickly. She felt Mulder on the other side of the door. "Go home, Mulder. I don't want to talk to you anymore," she said before he could speak. "Scully, come on out an talk to me." Mulder quietly asked. She didn't know why, but she had the feeling that he was resting his head and hands on the door. "Please, Scully, don't lock me out of your life." "Go away, Mulder! I can't look at you. I...I need time to think about this." Mulder could hear the tears clogging her voice. "Scully, I'm not leaving until you talk to me." Mulder was quiet but insistent. "You were not the only one hurt by the past. We both need to take care of this." "Mulder, how could you? How could you lie to me? Why didn't you tell me before?" Scully's sobbing took away her ability to say much more. "Why? Why, Mulder? Why?" Inside the bathroom, Scully retreated from the door and slid to the floor by the bathtub. "Scully, open the door or I will have to break it down. You know I can and will. I need to talk to you. I promise I'll leave right afterwards if you open the door and talk to me. I won't touch you, but I have to talk to you. Now, open the door, Scully." Scully slowly moved to the bathroom door and unlocked it. She opened it a crack and said, "I need to throw some water on my face, Mulder. I'll be out to the living room in a moment." She slammed the door again. Mulder turned to go to the hall by the front door and wait for her exit. As she worked to regain some semblance of calm, she tried to think the whole situation through. She didn't want to believe Mulder was capable of such a horrible act. She washed her face and blew her nose. She gathered her courage up like a tattered coat of rags and walked toward the living room, stopping when she saw him waiting by the door. Mulder realized she wasn't dressed to run away and moved on into the living room, sitting one the edge of the seat of the chair facing the couch. Scully drew blood first, "How could you lie like that? There was no letter." "I wasn't the only one lying, if you remember, Scully. And, yes, I did leave a letter. It was on the TV on top of the money for the cab home." "There was no letter when I got up Mulder! Only the money." "You may not have seen it, but it was there," he insisted. Scully was silent as the minutes passed. Her first inclination was to order him from her sight and run so far away from him that she would never have to see him again. His quiet denials of her accusations made her stop and regroup. She searched his eyes for the answers she knew he couldn't hide. She had known Mulder for several years. She knew when he was lying and right now was not one of those times. "What..." she cleared her throat. "What did the letter say?" Her voice was only a whisper. "Do you want to know in general or do you want to know it word for word?" he asked. "I want to hear it exactly as you wrote it, Mulder." Scully knew he was capable of the task. Mulder closed his eyes and let the words he wrote years ago pass from his eidetic memory to his lips. "My darling Kat, Words cannot express how sorry I am that I had to leave early. I will always regret not being here to kiss you awake and to make love to you in the dawning light before we had to part." "We both knew today would come. We had so many things left to say to each other, even though we had let our bodies speak of the love we felt. I wanted to look into your eyes and tell you everything in my heart. There are other truths that needed to be said, sweet Kat. Truths, beyond words of love, that would have been better understood if I could have let you see the love and honesty in my heart as they were spoken." "First know this truth, I love you as I have never loved another. When I am in your arms I feel as if I am complete for the first time in my entire life. I have searched for you forever and now that I have found you, never want to lose you. Please believe me, Kat. My love is true." "Now to the untruth's that we have shared. My name is not Andrew Morgan. I am an undercover FBI agent named Fox William Mulder. (Yes, that's why I asked you to call me Fox when we made love.) I was sent here to profile a serial killer who is preying on homosexuals in Dana Point. It soon became apparent that a team was needed to go undercover and I was chosen as one of the agents for the team." "I was in Ocean Side because I had to get away for a while. This killer is sadistic and the torture he inflicts on his victims is horrific. His crimes haunt me in my waking hours and in my dreams. I was allowed a few days off from the case, but was instructed by my Agent in Charge not to step out of my cover." "We couldn't take the risk of exposure-lives depend on my ability to maintain my undercover identity. I couldn't tell you my real name at first, and when I realized I was in love with you, I didn't know how to tell you without destroying the fragile trust we had developed. I am telling you now because I am willing to risk all to keep you in my life." "Even though I know you are returning home later tonight, I will not be able to return to the East Coast until this killer is captured. I love you, Katherine Hennessey, and want to build a life with you when I get back home. I know that sounds like I'm rushing things, and maybe I am. But know this, sweet Kat, I am willing to take things as fast or as slow as you wish. I look forward to spending time with you in any capacity you are willing or able to give-any way, any time any where you want me-I'll be there. Lunch, live together, marriage-whatever you want, I want too, because I can't picture my life being worth a damn without you." "But just because I can't be with you back east, doesn't mean that we have to sever our relationship until I return. I have listed several numbers and addresses below that will allow you to contact me. I have given you my name, address, phone number at work and home. I have also listed my boss's name and number in DC and even given you my mother's name, address and telephone number, and my social security number just to make sure you know I want you to find me." "Please, Kat, call my machine at home and leave me a message. I will check it every night. I need to hear from you. I need to know your love and thoughts are with me, as mine will be with you. Let me know where and when exactly to call you and I will try to set up a safe time to contact you. I love you very much." "By the way, something you said yesterday may be a clue to our killer's identity. Do you remember your comment about the Navy? 'The Navy, like any other branch of the service, is an 8-5 job after you're assigned to a base. You even get weekends off three times a month.' That comment bounced around in my brain until about 3:00 am this morning. It fit the killer's timetable. I called my AIC and suggested that he look into any similar deaths reported by all local branches of the service within driving range of Dana Point. He thought it was a good enough lead to order me back right away to help research and prepare an amended profile to present to the team meeting this noon. That's why I had to leave early." "God, I don't want to leave you. Even as I write this I am sitting next to you on the bed, wishing you would wake up enough to kiss me goodbye. I can see the rise and fall of your breasts as you breathe softly in your sleep-are you dreaming of me? Your mouth is begging me to kiss you, but I cannot. If you wake would I be able to leave? I don't know. I don't know if I am that strong, so I will take the cowardly way out and let you continue to sleep." "I love you, Kat, I will love you until my dying day. The money with this letter is for your cab fare back to Melody's motel. Call me. Let me call you. I love you and need you. Love Always, Fox." Tears were streaming down Mulder's face as he finished his recitation of the letter he had left for Kat. The silence of the room was broken by the sound of their sobbing. "Oh, Mulder, I didn't know you were such a romantic soul. That was a beautiful letter," Scully whispered brokenly. "But it wasn't there, I swear." Scully knew Mulder was contemplating her words. He knew her-knew she would not lie to him about the letter-as she knew he wasn't lying either. She began to contemplate the fate of the letter and the consequences of its loss as she watched him. Her mind could think of only one possibility. She watched Mulder as he contemplated the same question. They came to the identical conclusion. "Bill." They both said at the exact same moment. End Part 12 of 15 Title: What Might Have Been Part 13 of 15 FatCat (FatCat926@msn.com) ***** Mid-Evening, April 21, 1999 Dana Scully's Apartment, Georgetown, Virginia ***** "Bill." They both said at the exact same moment. "Damn, Mulder, do you think that somehow the letter fell or was blown off the top of the TV and I didn't see it?" "That's exactly what must have happened, Scully. I think Bill found it and hid it or destroyed it before you could see it. It would explain a lot of things." Mulder realized. "What exactly would it explain?" Scully questioned. "It would explain why Bill let up on you so easily when he came to get you. It would explain how much he hated me the first time we met in the hospital after your return. It always struck me as strange that his animosity was so virulent at our first meeting. And, guilt over a period of time would explain why he has continued to hate me, even in the face of your and Maggie's acceptance of me in your life." "God, Mulder, I don't want to believe that about Bill. Not even he could be so cruel, could he?" "Only Bill can answer that question, Scully. Right now, I have one of my own I need answered." Scully slowly moved across the living room towards Mulder. She came to a halt right in front of him. She drew him to his feet and searched his eyes as she spoke. "What do you want to know, Mulder?" "I guess, I only have one big question, Scully." Mulder chewed the inside of his bottom lip. Scully nodded her head and he continued, "If Kat had found the letter, would she have called me?" Scully sighed, "No, Mulder she wouldn't have called you, but Dana would have." Mulder closed his eyes in relief for a second, then opened them to stare at her. "What would she have said?" Scully smiled, "I take that back, Kat would have called and put Dana on the phone to beg for your forgiveness for using the fake names. Melissa thought she was protecting us both at the time it all began and I didn't know how to tell you without spending too much of our precious time together arguing or trying to work through hurt feelings. I wish I had corrected her as soon as she spoke. We could have had years together." "Is that what Dana wanted, Scully? To spend her life with me?" Mulder was willing to lay it all out on the line. "Yes," was all she could say. Mulder opened his arms and waited for her to take the last step into his embrace. He knew this would be difficult. The aftereffects of the DVD still were a force to be dealt with. This one step forward was the biggest step of her life, and he wanted it to be her choice. Scully hesitated only a second before gliding forward and sliding her arms around Mulder. She lifted her face to his and smiled. "Wow!" was all Mulder could say before the siren's call of her soft lips, so close to his and begging to be kissed, won out. They moved together for their first kiss as Scully and Mulder, but the magic that Drew and Kat had felt was still there. The kiss deepened as passion flared and burned brightly. Mulder's hand slid up Scully's back and tangled in her hair. He gently but possessively slid his other hand down to press her closer to his body. There wasn't a millimeter between them. Scully moved her hands from Mulder's waist, stroking up his chest to wrap around his neck. Her fingers played with the soft, short hairs at the back of his neck, giving Mulder chills of anticipation and desire. Their kiss ended when they had to come up for air. They smiled at each other then moved back to hug tightly, neither wanting to lose the feeling of total body contact. Scully rubbed her cheek against Mulder's chest. Mulder lowered his head to rest on the top of Scully's head. They stood there without speaking for several minutes. "Mulder, come back to bed with me." Scully's voice was barely audible. "Are you sure, Scully? I know our love is real, but I don't want you to feel that we have to rush back into a physical relationship. I've waited all these years, I can wait until you're sure." The soft look of love in Scully's eyes said as much as her next words. "Mulder, I've waited ten years for this; nothing can make me wait even another hour." They moved as one towards the bedroom, hand in hand. They stood facing each other in front of the bed, wanting yet not knowing how to begin. Mulder was waiting for a sign from Scully and she was wishing he would make the first move. The moment stretched on and became uncomfortable. Finally the humor in the situation struck them both. Scully's eyebrow raised in question. Mulder's best little boy smile lit his face. Soon they were laughing so hard neither could catch their breath. "We are so dumb, Mulder. Here we are with the one person each of us has secretly promised to love forever, have actually loved in another time, and we don't know how to start...begin..." Scully giggled again, "I don't even know how to identify it, let alone do it!" Mulder grinned back at her. "Kat and Drew didn't seem to have a problem expressing their desires, Scully. Maybe we should take a hint from them." "Oh, Mulder, we were much younger then and so much has happened since we first met." Scully said sobering. "Ah, yes, but who was it that reminded me a few weeks ago that she was right in the middle of her sexually peak years? Hum...? Scully?" "Do you have to remember everything I say, Mulder?" Scully played at anger. "Yes." Mulder spoke quietly. "Yes, I have to remember everything you say, Scully. I store it away and when I can't sleep I bring each conversation out and let it run through my mind. I remember where we were and how you looked and smelled and I let it soothe me to sleep. I have loved you for so long, Scully, I was afraid it was becoming an obsession." Mulder's hand rose to softly cup her cheek. "I didn't think I would ever be here with you, and all I was ever going to have of you was my memories, my fantasies." "Oh, Mulder." Scully raised up on her toes and softly kissed his lips. "I've been in love with you for years, but I thought you loved me like a sister, a partner. I accepted this level of companionship, knowing that if it was all I could have, I would live with it for the rest of my life rather than face a life without you." "I love you Scully-am in love with you. I loved Kat, but she was just a younger you. I wish we had been able to be together then, maybe all the bad things that occurred, wouldn't have happened to you." "Mulder, maybe they would have and maybe you wouldn't have been there to help me survive. I love you and I want to concentrate on the now, not the maybe. Kiss me, Mulder. Make love to me like Drew did to Kat." "Damn, Scully, you know how to turn me on." Mulder teased as he leaned in toward her, but he suddenly drew back with a smile twitching at his lips. "Umm, Scully, you do realize that I was a lot younger back then." He began to place small kisses all over face and neck. "What are you trying to say, Mulder?" Scully teased into his ear. "Well, women may peak in their thirties, but men peak somewhat younger." Mulder continued to kiss her between words. "That's okay, Mulder, I know men peak at seventeen. You were already on your downhill slide when we were together before and you were fantastic. I personally think men become better lovers as they grow older." Scully was breathless with the desires his kisses were building. "Why is that?" Mulder said as his lips moved down the arch of her throat to the tops of her breasts. He kissed her through her shirt as his hands slid up and under the fabric to slowly stroke the velvety skin of her back and belly. "Older men are just so damn grateful to be fucked, Mulder. Didn't you know that?" Scully couldn't resist the tease. Mulder jerked back in shock. The teasing glint in her eyes betrayed the look of sincerity on her face. "Why don't you show this old man just what he has to be grateful for, Scully." Mulder teased back as he whipped her shirt over her head. His silence was unnerving to Scully. She began to worry her bottom lip as she stood semi-naked before the man she loved. She knew she wasn't the unblemished virgin she had been ten years ago. What was he thinking? Mulder raised his eyes to Scully's. He was surprised at the uncertainty he saw there. "Mulder, I..." "Scully, you're beautiful." Mulder smiled and looked directly into her eyes to let her know the truth of his words. "I'm sorry I was staring at your scar. I guess I got lost thinking how much I would like to kill that little piss ant Ritter. I could have lost you before I ever got the chance to do this." Mulder lowered his lips to gently kiss her. The kiss became more heated and soon both were kissing and touching each other desperately. Their remaining clothes were soon scattered on the floor. They sat on the bed, kissing, tongues tangling. Mulder broke away from her lips and began to trail hot, sweet kisses down her body. He sank to his knees before her and gently pushed her legs farther apart. He slid his hands up her calves and thighs moving up her body to cup her breasts in his large hands. He continued to kiss every part of Scullyskin he could reach as his thumbs gently stroked across her nipples. His arousal increased as he felt them peak and turn to hard little nubs. "Scully, lay back." Mulder managed to say as he began to kiss lower, down her firm but soft belly to the very edge of the cinnamon curls between her legs. "It's a good thing you had this waxed before, or I would never have believed you were a blond, Scully." "Did you like me as a blond, Mulder?" "I prefer you as a redhead, Scully. You know I love your natural beauty. I've always been glad that you don't wear a lot of makeup like so many other women. You're just so beautiful, I hate to see it covered up." "Just remember that when you see me in the morning light, Mulder." Scully teased, slightly uncomfortable with his words of admiration. "Ohhhh, does that mean I get to stay the night, Scully?" Mulder began to nuzzle his way over to plant soft kisses down the crease of her thigh, his hot breath stimulating her arousal. "It depends." Scully whispered. "Depends on what?" Mulder couldn't wait to hear her answer. "It depends on whether you quit teasing me and get down to the serious business of love making or not." Scully let out a little yelp when he nipped her thigh. Mulder moved his hands down her body to gently part her lower lips. He began to use his lips, tongue, and fingers to worship her. The soft moan that he drew from her built in intensity. "Like this, Scully? Is this what you want?" Two of his long fingers slid into her, lifting to the front wall of her vagina to find her sweet spot, as his tongue sought just the right spot and rhythm. He knew he had the right combination when Scully began to whimper then to beg him not to stop. Her fingers tangled in his hair as he began to suck and lick and stroke in earnest. "Oh, God, Mulder... don't stop... so good... need you so!" Her voice faded to another moan of pleasure. Her nails lightly stroked his scalp, sending a chill of desire down his spine. So intense was his reaction to her words and touch, Mulder was worried that he was going to come without his cock being touched. He wanted tonight to last forever, but knew if he came he probably wouldn't be worth much for the next hour or so. He wanted this first time to focus on Scully-to let her know how much she turned him on-to give her pleasure. Mulder raised his head and glanced up her body to watch her face as he spoke. "Scully, touch your breasts." "Whhhatt, Mulder?" Scully stammered. "I want you to stroke your breasts as if it were me. I want you to show me what you like. Talk to me, tell me how everything feels." Mulder continued to stare at her as she slowly raised her hands to her breasts and began to roll the nipples between her fingers and her thumbs. As he again lowered his mouth to her clit, she licked her lips then her fingers and began to alternately flick and pinch her nipples with her moist fingers. Mulder pulled his two fingers out and reinserted three. The easy sliding motion he had previously used changed to a more urgent, stroking motion that ended with a flick of her sweet spot at the apex. Scully groaned. "Talk to me, Scully. Tell me how this feels." He slowed his motions again until she began to talk. "Um, Mulder, it feels wonderful. I can feel your fingers touching me so far up inside. Your...your tongue is stroking my clit just right." Scully again fell silent, a groan of desire all she was capable of at the moment. "Speak to me, Scully, tell me!" Mulder's voice was a loving demand she couldn't ignore. " I don't know what to say," she almost wailed. "I'm so excited, I think I'm going to comeeeeee. Oh, God Mulder, right there. Yes, right there! Ooohhh Mulder, Ohhhh.........." Scully's body began to tremble. The walls of her vagina tightened around his finger and a flood of fluid dripped down his fingers to his palm. The rhythmic clenching of her vaginal walls continued as he stopped stroking her clit with his tongue and moved to softly bite it as he suckled it. Scully screamed as a second orgasm swept through her, brought on by the gentle pain/pleasure of his teeth and lips. She felt consciousness slipping away as the convulsions of her overwhelming orgasm raged through her. When she came back to earth, Mulder had slid her body up on the bed and was lying next to her, kissing her face. "So beautiful. So passionate. So mine. Scully, tell me you're mine. Tell me that no matter what happens we will stand together against everyone and everything-the Bureau, the Consortium, even the aliens. You're mine from this day forward." "Yes, Mulder, I'm yours, just as you are mine. But be aware, Mulder what you're getting into." Scully said with a touch of steel in her voice. "What do you mean, Scully?" She pushed him onto his back and climbed up to straddle his torso with her thighs. "What is mine, I keep. I don't share, Mulder." "Neither do I." Mulder growled. Scully leaned down to kiss Mulder's face. With the kiss on his left eye she said, "No more Phoebe Greene's." With the kiss on his right eye, "No more Diana Fowley's." With the multiple kisses on his nose and cheeks, "No more Bambi's or Detective White's or Kristen's or Karen Berquist's." And she smiled at his surprised look. With the kiss on his lips, "Mine, all mine!" Mulder responded to her kiss by parting his lips to let her probing tongue enter. Their tongues stroked and dueled for several moments before he let Scully kiss him into submission. With a grin matching his, she moved her lips to his neck to lick and suck and place her mark on him. She wanted the world to know that Mulder was hers. He was a beautiful man and he was finally all hers. Her passion began to build again. She moved slowly down his body, placing hot, open- mouthed kisses all over his chest and stomach. She alternately licked, sucked, and bit his nipples, remembering one of his most erogenous zones. She moved on down his body and deftly avoided the thrust of his hips intended to impale her on his cock. This was her time and she fully intended to enjoy the control over his body she held. Scully's tongue nipped and tickled along the line of hair that trailed down from his chest, stopping to swirl around his bellybutton, before moving on down to his pubic area. She brushed his cock with her nose as she inhaled deeply. She was almost overwhelmed by the deep masculine scent that was all aroused Mulder. She loved all of Mulder's scents. She loved his fresh morning office scent-all starch, soap, and aftershave that started her day off just right. She loved his sleepy, little boy scent when he would wake from a long nap on plane or a futile stake out. She loved the hot, salty male scent he wore after exercise. But she decided she loved this new sexy, aroused scent best. She realized she had smelled a trace of it before but couldn't quite place where or when. Now aroused Mulder was all hers! She ran her tongue up the length of his cock, swirled around the head and back down the underside to his balls. She kissed each one before taking them separately into her mouth, alternately suckling each of them as she stroked his cock with both her hands. Mulder's groans of pleasure grew deeper with each caress. She swirled her fingers around the top of his cock, spreading the pre-cum over the entire surface and letting it lubricate him as far down as possible. Her strokes slowed as she left his testicles and moved her lips to the top of his cock. She began to kiss and lick him as her left hand moved to resume the pleasuring of his balls. Her right hand sped up and she began to suck deeply on the head of his cock. She could feel his legs tensing, felt the tightening of his balls as his body prepared to orgasm. "Scully, stop...going to come. I don't want...need to be in you when I do." Was all he could say. Scully slowed to a stop. She began to kiss her way up his body, sliding her clit over his erection. She was hot and wet and the length of his cock slid into the groove that was the length of her. She felt the ridges of his cock gently stimulate her clit and wanted to ride him forever. She pushed up and leaned back letting her hands support her on his knees. She looked deeply into his eyes, letting him see her arousal, drinking in his. She used her strong legs to slowly stroke herself along the length of him. "Mulder, this feels so good, so right! Tell me again why we waited for so long to do this!" Scully purred. Mulder's groans began to come more quickly. He moved to sit up and flip her over to take the lead. She stopped him with a quick forward motion of her hips that allowed his cock to slide full length into her. Scully sharply inhaled and stiffened-not moving for a long moment-her hands falling forward to his shoulders. "Oh, God, did I hurt you, Scully?" Mulder could feel how tight and sweet she was and knew it had been a long time since she had been with a man. "I just need a little time to adjust, Mulder. After all, it's been a long time for me and you aren't exactly standard issue, big boy." Scully grinned as she started to slowly move over him. Mulder had the good grace to blush as the huge grin split his face. "That good, huh?" "That's enough, Mulder, you'll get a big head to match your big cock if you don't concentrate on me and not on your magnificent self." Scully teased. "You do want to make me come, don't you Mulder?" she purred. From their brief time together years ago, Mulder remembered what Scully liked best. She loved to be on top and she loved him to touch her breasts. It was the easiest way for her to orgasm during intercourse. Obviously the years had eased her modesty issues and Mulder was delighted that she seemed to enjoy talking during sex. "Mmmmm, Scully, you're driving me crazy. I can feel you throb around my cock as you drive it all the way up to your cervix. You feel so good, so tight, I love you so much, baby, come for me." Mulder let his hands roam over her body as she undulated over him. He concentrated on her breasts, cupping them in his hands and working the nipples with his thumb and forefinger. Scully was awash in sea of arousal. Mulder's words and hands pushed her closer and closer to the orgasm that was building each time his cock surged back into her or slid out across her clit. She soon lost her ability to do more than moan and sigh with pleasure. Her body began to build the heat that flashed down her spine and radiated out from her center and finally engulfed her entire body. "Mulder, I'm, I'Mmmm, coming, God, Mulder, I love....... the way........ you make me come." The wave of heat peaked and all the blood in her body raced to her cunt. She knew she was screaming his name, even as she slipped into the 'small death' of orgasm. Part 13 of 15 Title: What Might Have Been Part 14 of 15 FatCat (FatCat926@msn.com) ***** Late Evening, April 21, 1999 Dana Scully's Apartment, Georgetown, Virginia ***** When she roused back to consciousness she realized she was draped over him and he was still hot and hard inside her. His arms held her, his lips rained kisses on her hair and face. "Mmmm, Mulder that was so good for me, but you still have a hard on the size of Texas. What should we do about this." Scully said as she began stroking his bare shoulders and chest. Mulder's laughter rumbled against her ear resting on his chest. "I think we can handle this together, Scully." She groaned as he slid out of her and moved her over. "Get up on you knees, Scully." Mulder's voice shook with desire. As she moved onto her knees she was pleasantly surprised when Mulder' hands slid a pillow under her face and two under her hips, helping her get comfortable. He positioned himself behind her and let his hands stroked up her calves, her thighs to rest on her ass. "I've fantasized about this for so long, Scully. I...I don't want to hurt you so you have to let me know if this gets too rough for you." His voice had deepened and taken on a tone of command that she had never heard before. She remembered his earlier actions and realized she was more than a little turned on by this new, aggressive side of Mulder. They would need to explore this more at a later date. She turned her head to look at him, "I'll let you know, Mulder, but I'm sure you wouldn't do anything to hurt me intentionally." She knew he needed the reassurance. "Not intentionally, but I want this so badly, I'm not sure I'll be able to control myself. Please, Scully, you be in control, that's all I ask." Scully was getting more aroused by the moment. As he spoke Mulder's hands began to stroke over her hips and buttocks, clenching and squeezing as he went. His voice, his words, and his hands combined to rouse her desire to a needful level quickly. "Bring it on, G-Man," she challenged. Mulder groaned and closed his eyes, fighting for a small level of control. His hands separated, one going high to tangle in her hair, the other low to stroke across her ass and around to slide over her clit from the front. She could feel his aroused cock rhythmically sliding up the crack of her ass cheeks as he used his fingers to alternately stroke her clit and finger fuck her. Scully began to moan and move against him. She could feel liquid dripping from her as his finger moved out to stroke her clit again. His hand, tangled in her hair, made her feel his domination in this position and surprisingly, her submissive posture thrilled her. Mulder was panting as he moved his hand to his cock and slowly stroke it once over her cunt. As the head of his cock slid into her vagina, he moved his hand back to possessively grasp her hip. He moved forward and pulled her back until he was buried to the hilt inside her, his balls brushing her thighs and clit. Mulder began to stroke deeply into her. His hard, aggressive stroke in was followed by an excruciatingly slow, languid stroke out. His hand eased and lightly held her hip, in a grip that was almost a caress. He maintained this rhythm for a few minutes as sweat beaded his forehead and ran down his chest. The effort to maintain his slow assault and allow her passion to build with him was killing him. "Mulder, let go, come for me. I'm okay, I'm better than okay. Let me feel you come." She urged him. Then Scully's voice destroyed his last vestiges of control. "Please, Fox, take me." Her words turned Mulder feral. Scully moved in time with his thrusts, meeting him and moving away to increase the pleasure of each powerful stroke. He began to grind into her, each stroke hitting her cervix and causing little grunts and moans to escape from her lips. "This is so good, Mulder, so damn good. I love your body, your need for me." Her words fed their passion. "God, Mulder, you're so deep inside of me, it's as if I can feel your cock touch my heart." Sensing her increased arousal, he began to pound into her, moving to cover her body with his. His lips kissed her back and shoulder and on up to her neck. His need to dominate and control her, normally diluted by his civilized sense of love, rose to dictate his actions. He began to suck and bite the side of her neck and upper back as he increased his pace, aggressively marking her as his. He moved again and covered her back with his body, partially allowing his weight to be supported by her as he wrapped his arms around her. His hands moved to her breast and her clit. He stroked her clit, pressing it back as he fully entered her. It was making her crazy. She had never felt the dual excitement of a cervical orgasm and a vaginal orgasm building at the same time. She wondered if she would survive if they hit at the same time a moment before his other hand began to tease and pinch her nipples. Scully arched into his hand, thrusting her ass higher and allowing his cock to stroke across her sweet spot on the way out of her. Her moans gained volume until she was so embarrassed by her response that she buried her mouth in the pillow and screamed as loudly as she wanted. The onset of her orgasm almost took Mulder over the edge. Her tight vaginal walls began to convulse around his cock in an effort to milk him, bring him to orgasm. He concentrated on Scully, trying to prolong her gratification and was surprisingly successful. Her screaming had faded to sobs of pleasure. "Mulder, oh God, Mulder!" She cried his name as she felt the oblivion of total bliss closing around her once again. She heard Mulder howl her name as he finally allowed his body the release it demanded. "Love you Scully, loveyouloveyou, loveonlyyou..." He came harder than he could ever remember in his life. A flood of semen poured into Scully, running down his cock to cover his balls even as it flowed down her legs. He felt Scully's body slip into oblivion and had just enough strength to move off her before he took the short slide down to darkness himself. He awoke up a few minutes later, shivering. He realized that if he was cold, Scully must be freezing. She had fallen asleep and not regained consciousness yet. He groaned as he stood, muscles he hadn't used in a long time protesting the workout he had just given them. He moved to the bathroom, grabbing two wash cloths and a couple of hand towels as he went. He washed up and brushed his teeth. He drew another large glass of cold water before flipping on the hot water again and soaking the second wash cloth. He moved back to the bedroom and stood watching Scully sleep. He didn't want to wake her, but knew she would feel better later if she cleaned up now. He placed his offerings down on the nightstand and carefully rolled her over. When she didn't awake, he gently arranged her legs and began to tenderly clean her vaginal area with the warm wash cloth he had brought. When he was done he dried her, placing a soft kiss on her curls. Scully's small sob brought his eyes to her face. Tears rolled down Scully's cheeks, falling into her ears. Mulder's loving gaze changed quickly to one of doubt and guilt. "Did I hurt you, Scully? What can I do to make it better?" he chewed his bottom lip after he spoke. Scully was beyond words at the moment. All she could do was lift her arms in invitation, a look of love on her face. Mulder slid into bed and pulled her over to him and away from the wet spot. "Scully?" A world of questions in one word. Scully fought to stop her tears and lost. She decided that she at least needed to let him know why she was crying. "Not pain, Mulder, happiness," was all she was able to say. Eventually her tears slowed and her breath evened out. She rolled over to use another one of the tissues Mulder had provided earlier and discovered the glass of water. She drank the entire glass and set it back with a sigh. She noticed that the phone was off the hook and replaced it. She rolled back over and onto Mulder, her arms wrapping around his neck. Her eyes searched his for a moment before she spoke. "What did I ever do to deserve someone as wonderful as you, Mulder?" He opened his mouth to contradict her, but she moved her fingers to cover his lips. "I love you so much, Mulder. You are such a beautiful man, inside and out. I know you're not perfect, but you fit me perfectly. Please, no jokes. Just say, 'Thank you, Scully' and accept my love." Her sincere praise touched him deeper than any passionate protestations of love ever had before. He simply kissed her and repeated her words. The flood of comfort that filled him as he spoke them back to her surprised him. All his life he had sought someone to accept his love and to love him in return. He had known for years that Scully was that someone, but had never believed she would fall in love with a man like him. To hear her call him perfect and say that she loved him, unconditionally, filled a void in his heart he didn't even realize existed. "I love you, Scully." Mulder smiled a full, happy smile up at her. Scully mentally did the countdown-5, 4, 3, 2, 1, and... "Did you...are you...was it..." Mulder stammered to a halt as he watched Scully begin to giggle and break out into a full fledged laugh. "What's so funny." "Oh, Mulder, you're such a 'guy'! It was wonderful, fabulous, excellent, and beautiful. It was everything a woman dreams about." Scully smiled. "Well, a man likes to know these things, you know." Mulder pretended to be hurt. "Please Mulder, you know it was wonderful, I lost consciousness twice! Twice! I had more orgasms with you tonight than I've in all the years since I was with you last. Now if that doesn't swell your ego, nothing will." She teased. Scully leaned down and kissed him softly. "Thank you for the most incredible experience of my life. I think that rivaled our first night together. Obviously you're not as old as I thought." "I don't know, Scully, I was feeling pretty old when I got up a few minutes ago, and I know I'm feeling damn grateful right now." Scully ruffled his hair and smiled at him. "You'll never let me forget that one will you, Mulder." "How can I, Scully? Remember, I told you I memorize everything you ever said to me." Her raised eyebrow urged him to qualify his statement. "At least every romantic thing you have ever said to me." He grinned and hugged her. Scully's smile turned into a huge yawn. She smiled and said, "I think it's time we went to sleep, Mulder. Tomorrow is another day, and I have a transfer request to rescind." Scully wiggled down to grasp the covers and pull them up. She started to slide off Mulder, but he stopped her. "Stay, please, unless you're not comfortable. I want to feel you as close to me as possible." Scully just nodded and after a sweet goodnight kiss, slid into sleep. She was draped over Mulder's body, her ear pressed to his chest above his heart, home at last. Mulder stayed awake for a few minutes longer, reveling in the feeling of his Scullyblanket. He tried to remember if he had ever been as happy in his life, and found nothing came close to the feeling of bliss in his heart at this moment. He fell asleep holding the woman he loved, knowing he was loved in return. End Part 14 of 15 Title: What Might Have Been Part 15 of 15 FatCat (FatCat926@msn.com) ***** 7:00am April 22, 1999 Dana Scully's Apartment, Georgetown, Virginia ***** The ringing of the phone woke Mulder. "Go away, its Saturday," he mumbled and tried to slide back to sleep. The ringing persisted and he groaned as he leaned over Scully to reach the phone. "'low" he growled into the phone. He woke up quickly-he was in bed with Scully and he was answering her phone! The memory of the night before flooded his mind making him miss the callers' next words. "What? Who is this?" he snarled into the phone. "What the hell do you mean 'Who is this?'? Who the hell are you and what are you doing at my sister's house this time of the morning?" The irate voice grew louder with each word. Realization struck Mulder. 'Oh shit, it's Bill Scully.' "Who is it, Mulder?" Scully's sleepy voice asked. Obviously loud enough for Bill to hear because his next words were, "MULDER! What the hell are you doing sleeping at Dana's house? Let me talk to my sister, you asshole." Bill was irate. "I don't know if she wants to talk to you right now, Bill. I'll check." Mulder covered the mouthpiece of the phone and turned to Scully. "It's Bill," was all he said. The loud shouting coming from the phone left no doubt as to Bill's anger. He was irate and was obviously willing to give Mulder a good piece of his mind, loud and clear. "I hate to put you in the middle, Mulder, but I don't have anything to say to Bill right now. I'm not sure I ever want to speak to him again." Scully's temper was rising. Mulder shrugged and said into the phone, "She doesn't have anything to say to you right now, Bill. I think it would be better if you called back in a few days." "What the Hell do you mean-a few days? I'm here at Mom's right now and she's worried sick. She got a call from Dana yesterday. She said Dana was crying and said she had to get away from you. What have you done to her this time? How the hell have you brainwashed her to let you anywhere near her again? Let me speak to Dana, or I'm coming over there right now." "Bill, I don't think that's a good idea. Tell Maggie, Dana will call her later today. She's fine..." Mulder was distracted by Scully's sweet kisses on his chest and neck. "She's better than fine, she fantastic." Mulder managed before he hung up on Bill and began to return her kisses. They made slow, sweet love then decided that they would shower before eating. The pounding on her front door changed their plans. They both realized who it was when he started yelling for them to open the door as he continued pounding. Scully reached for her robe and marched toward the door, ready for battle. Mulder scrambled to find his jeans and follow her. He hated what Bill had done, but did not want Scully to act in haste. Family was important to Scully and her mother, and as a man who had precious little family left, he didn't want their relationship to be the cause of her break with Bill. He could hear their voices rising even as he moved toward the living room. Mulder moved to stand behind Scully. He didn't want to be the cause of an escalation in the argument, but he wouldn't let her face Bill alone. He was ready to provide his help if she requested it, but he wasn't foolish enough to think that Scully couldn't hold her own in any fair fight. But, even if he was Scully's brother, Mulder didn't trust Bill to fight fair. "Bill, stop this ranting. State your reason for being here and get out." "My reason...my reason? Dana? Are you crazy? You're the one that called Mom yesterday, crying and saying you had asked for a transfer away from this S.O.B. and you were coming to stay for a few days. Then you don't show up. You weren't answering you phone. Mom was worried sick. By the time we got there this morning, she was on her way out the door to come see if you were okay. I tried it one more time and when I got through, this asshole wouldn't let me talk to you." Sully held up her hand to halt his rampage, "I told Mulder I didn't want to speak to you, Bill. I wasn't sure I could." "Dana, why? What's wrong?" Bill's voice softened. "Are you all right?" "I'm better now, Bill, but I've had a rough time of it over the last couple of weeks." "What's he done now?" Bill threw a dark scowl at Mulder. "Why do you immediately assume its Mulder's fault, Bill?" Dana asked. "Isn't it always?" Bill spat out. "He's always dragging you off on one of his cockamamie cases, chasing aliens or UFO's or mutants of some kind." "For your information, it wasn't Mulder's fault. We were assigned this case intentionally by someone with an agenda." "What...what happened to you, Dana. You weren't in the hospital recently, were you?" "It wasn't a physical attack this time, Bill. It was psychological." "Do you mean they were messing with your mind?" Bill questioned. "Who did this? Who assigned you to this case, your boss, Skinner?" "Yes, Skinner assigned it, but it came from higher up, and it wasn't apparent at first. It was a subliminal message planted in my mind that only triggered when unusual stress was added to my life. That's why I asked for the transfer, I was following the imperative of the suggestion planted and was running away." "So you called Mom. Well, what's different now?" "Mulder was able to identify the problem and help me work through a lot of things from my past." Scully turned and smiled at Mulder. "Our past." "So it was his fault." Bill spat out. "Who did you think I meant by 'our', Bill?" Scully focused on Bill. Mulder could feel his balls scrunching up automatically. The cold tone of Scully's voice warned him she was going in for the kill. "Well, you and Mulder. You've been partners for years..." Bill faltered to a halt. "We all have a past together, don't we Billy? I mean, you've known Mulder practically as long as I have, wouldn't you say? Billy?" Scully was intentionally baiting him, calling him his hated nickname from childhood. "Umm, sure I guess so. At least I knew of him for the past six years or so." Bill was becoming more uncomfortable by the moment. "Really, Billy? That's funny, because it turns out that I knew Mulder before we partners, before the X Files were even started. And if I knew Mulder, that means you did too, doesn't it, Billy?" "That's ridiculous, Dana. I never met Mulder before the time in the hospital." Bill insisted. "That may be true, Billy, to a certain extent. But think back, Christmas, 1989. We had a fight and I went to Melissa's motel room. You had tried to get in touch with me then, too, but Melissa and I were gone until the early hours of the morning. When we got back, you pushed your way in past Melissa and saw me asleep with a man on the couch. Your memory getting jogged now, Billy?" Scully continued in her best interrogation mode. "Well, I guess I do remember seeing someone then, but I didn't know who he was." "No, you didn't find out who he was then. You grabbed him and tried to throw him out of the room and he startled awake and clobbered you-knocked you out cold, if I remember. I guess you couldn't count that as an introduction, could you Billy, since we were gone when you came to?" "No, of course not." Bill was beginning to sweat. His forehead glistened and his underarms were beginning to sprout dark shadow's. "But meeting someone and knowing about someone are very similar, wouldn't you say, Billy?" "Maybe." Bill shuffled his weight from foot to foot. "Are you sure you're okay, Dana? If you want, I could drive you over to Mom's." "Oh, I'm just fine now, Billy. Since Mulder's helped me identify what happened and we've worked through some past history, I'm more than fine." Scully stepped back, pressing her backside against Mulder. Mulder closed his eyes, trying to regain control of his response to her touch. He had been fighting his attraction to her for years but last night had destroyed all the carefully constructed rules he had previously used. Images of last night swamped his mind- Scully's luscious bottom thrusting back as he surged forward possessing her, dominating and worshiping at the same time led to a world class erection developing in spite of the tension he felt. He slid his arms around her resting his hands over hers at her waist. Bill's complexion, so like Scully's, turned a deep red. He was working hard to maintain an outward appearance of calm, but both Mulder and Scully were aware of his inner anger. "By the way, Billy, have you figured out who it was that knocked you out all those years ago?" Scully thumb stroked over Mulder's hand. Mulder lowered his head and placed a small, wet kiss on her ear in response. "Uh, I really never thought about it, Dana." Bill answered his eyes unable to meet hers- unwilling to watch the show of affection by Mulder. "Really? I always thought the Scully men had more brass in their balls than that, Billy." "What do you mean by that, Sis?" Bill jerked as if struck, his eyes drawn to hers. "Oh, you know. 'Scully men don't get even, they get ahead.' The same mentality that has driven a wedge between you and Charlie for all these years. You always have bragged about getting ahead, Billy. I would think this guy should have been a major target for revenge." "Yeah, well, I guess I grew up some." Bill stared at Mulder with hate in his eyes. "Does he have to do that?" Scully calmly replied, "Does who have to do what, Billy?" "Him, Mulder, does he have to maul you right in front of me?" Bill growled. Scully smiled and turned her body to glance up into Mulder's eyes before responding to Bill. "Why don't you ask him, Billy. He is right here and would probably appreciate you not talking about him as if he weren't." Bill lost his battle to stay cool. "What's it going to take, Dana? What's it going to take before you realize this guy is poison? He's led you into danger, time after time, he was responsible for your cancer, Melissa's death, and your kidnapping? When are you going to finally wise up and leave him and the X Files behind? What kind of hold does this guy have on you?" "The best kind of hold, Billy. He holds my heart and soul-as I hold his." Scully trapped Mulder's hand in hers and brought it to her lips for a lingering kiss. Mulder could tell the moment Bill spied the bite marks on his neck, because his eyes immediately dropped to examine Scully's neck. "Oh, my God, you've let him fuck you again, haven't you? Shit, Dana! Wasn't it bad enough when he left you before? I thought you could handle it after all these years. I believed you were a professional and wouldn't get involved with your damn partner. What kind of slut are you?" Bill's virulent temper spewed forth. "What happened to your precious pursuit of truth. This guy has lied to you from the day he met you." "Mulder's always been truthful to me, Billy. What are you talking about?" Scully squeezed Mulders hand to let him know she was okay. "Are you so sure of that, Dana? Why don't you ask him about where he was December 1989. Why was he in San Diego? Ask him who Andrew Morgan was to him. You remember that name, Dane? The guy who fucked you and took your virginity then split? You called, crying hysterically, begging Melissa for a ride. And who showed up, Dana? Did Andrew Morgan show up to take you home? Hell, no! He threw a few twenties on top of the TV! Like you were a whore, Dana! Do you remember that? Who was there for you then, but your family. Now you turn your back on us and follow him anywhere his precious X Files leads you. You disgust me. I thought you were different than Melissa. I thought you would be a doctor, a decent woman with a good job and a good man for a husband, but you're not. You're his beck and call girl and now you're his slut too!" Bill was so angry he was spitting as each word flew from his mouth. During his entire diatribe, Scully's grip on her temper held. She knew what Bill was capable of, even if she didn't want to believe that he would turn his virulent temper toward her. She needed to hear him out, to convince herself that he was guilty of the pain he had inflicted on her and Mulder in the past, before she acted. Mulder stood watching the disintegration of Bill Scully. He knew how much Bill's words were hurting her, but could not-would not do anything to stop him until Scully was through with him. He kept his blank, non-expression on his face for Scully's sake, but every muscle in his body tensed. If Bill tried to strike her, he would be ready. "How did you know about Mulder and Andrew Morgan, Bill?" Scully kept her voice soft, coaxing. Bill realized his mistake immediately. He snapped his mouth shut, trying to engage his sharp, Scully mind, searching for a believable answer. "Melissa told me all about it," was the best he could come up with. "Melissa?" Scully shut her eyes against the pain his answer inflicted. "How could Melissa have known any of this, when I didn't until a few hours ago, Bill?" "I don't know, and because of him, we can't ask her, can we Dana?" "Mulder had good reasons for using an alias, Bill. He was working undercover and he explained it all to me last night. He told me how he searched for me as soon as he got back east." Scully said hotly. "Yeah, I'm sure he looked for you for a long time, Dana. At least you had the good sense to give him a false name so he couldn't find you." "Yes, Bill, he looked long and hard. So long and hard, as a matter of fact that he had a breakdown and had to leave the VCS. That's when he found the X Files." "Dana, don't you see what a loser he is? A breakdown? Jesus, what a pussy! You must be one great lay, little sister, this asshole even gave you his social security number he was so desperate to find you. Can't you see that he's not man enough for you? Dad is probably rolling over in his grave right now." "How did you know he gave me his social security number, Bill?" Scully's voice was deadly. "How could you possibly have known that if you hadn't seen the note yourself?" Bill knew he had finally backed himself into a corner. "So what if I did? I was only trying to protect you. Trying to get you away so you could come to your senses. He's not the type of man you need, Dana. You needed someone to protect you, not someone to endanger you every time he was around you! Everything bad that's happened to you since medical school has been his fault-him and his X Files!" "Is that how you see it, Billy?" Scully moved from Mulder's arms and took a step towards her brother. "Yes! It's all his fault!" Bill stood his ground. "From where I stand, I see that the blame could lie with someone else. Someone who put this whole chain of events in motion." Scully laid the trap. "Don't be ridiculous, Dana. Who could be more at fault than Mulder?" Bill stepped right into it. "You, Bill. If we are to assign blame to an individual for the past, you are to blame for everything that has happened." "What? How? All I did was try to protect you! You can't blame me for everything-it's all him." Bill was sure of this one fact. "Really? Well, Bill, let's examine the evidence." Scully stepped forward once more. "If Mulder and I had been able to contact each other again after we first met, the entire history of our relationship would have changed. We would have probably married and after I finished medical school, I may have pursued a career as a cardiologist. I wouldn't have had a rebound romance with Daniel Waterston, so I probably would have been in private practice. Mulder would have been able to continue working for the VCS if he had a loving wife and home life. He would never been assigned a desk job after his breakdown. He would never have gotten bored and discovered the X Files. I would never have left medicine for a career with the FBI and consequently been assigned to the X Files." "If things had been different, I probably would have ended up happily married to Mulder-with 2.5 kids, a nice house in Falls Church or Baltimore, and a lucrative practice of my own. Instead, Mulder and I have had almost ten years of loneliness and suffering. I did get abducted, Melissa was killed, I did get cancer and cannot have children, and all because you didn't think Mulder was good enough for me." Scully was shaking with anger. "What do you think, Bill? Who do you think has the biggest burden of blame now?" Bill's mouth opened and closed several times, trying to answer her question. He seemed to deflate before her eyes. "I just was trying to protect you, Dana. I didn't want you hurt..." He scrubbed his face with both hands. "I guess I failed you again." "You failed to trust me to take care of myself, Bill. You never seemed to realize that even though I wasn't your gender, I was and am capable of taking care of myself." Bill extended his hand toward Scully, "Dana...why him?" Scully stepped back as if Bill held a viper in his hand. "That's a mistake Mulder's never made, Bill. He's never failed to trust me." Bill's head fell forward as he let his hand fall to his side. "I want you to leave, Bill. I don't have anything else to say to you right now. I'm not sure I ever will." "Dana, please! You have to think of the family. Think about Mom's feelings! Think of what Dad would want." "No, Bill. Mom will understand. Just like she understands about the riff between you and Charlie. Maybe you're the one that needs to consider Mom's feelings. And don't even try to tell me what Dad would think. I think...I know he would like and respect Mulder. Maybe you're the one that needs to mend his bridges with the family. Now, leave, please. Tell Mom I'll call later today." Scully turned her back to Bill and wrapped her arms around Mulder. Bill stood, staring at his sister in Mulder's arms for a moment, then turned and left, defeated. As soon as the click of the door echoed in the silent room, Scully began to cry. Mulder led her to the couch. He held her, allowing her to vent all the anger and pain she held inside during her confrontation with Bill. "I knew he was a jerk, but I didn't believe he was capable of such egocentric bullshit! Oh, Mulder, how could he?" Mulder didn't know what to say to ease her pain. He had been betrayed by too many people in the past, people who claimed to love him. Because he didn't know what to say, he did the only thing he knew that helped him. He gathered her up on his lap and held her as tightly as he could, stroking her hair and soothing her as one would a frightened child. Moments passed and he realized she had cried herself to sleep. He settled into a position on the couch that was a little more comfortable and waited for her to wake up. Mulder started awake as drops of water sprinkled his face. He immediately identified the culprit as Scully, fresh from the shower, wrapped in her robe and bearing gifts of food and drink. He sat up and accepted the steaming cup of coffee and sandwich with a smile. "I must have dozed off. How long have you been awake?" Scully settled on the other end of the couch with her food. "Just long enough to shower and make a few sandwiches." She nibbled her sandwich as she watched Mulder devour his. "There's another sandwich in the kitchen, if you want more." "This is great, Scully. Just what the doctor ordered," he teased as he disappeared into the kitchen for seconds. They ate companionably in silence for a few moments. "Are you okay?" Mulder finally asked. Scully thought for a few minutes before answering him. "I was going to say 'I'm fine.', but I think I owe you more than that," she smiled sadly. "I will be fine, but right now, I'm more than a little hurt and disappointed in my brother-not to mention angry. His actions inflicted so much pain, so much loneliness on the both of us that I don't know if I'll ever be able to forgive him. Who knows what might have been if he hadn't intervened." She looked directly into his eyes. "One thing I am very sure of is that I don't want my problems with Bill to diminish our relationship. I need you, Mulder, and I love you. I hope you realize you are the most important person in my life." "I do know that, Scully. I love you too!" Mulder stroked the back of his fingers against her cheek. "What do we do next?" "Well, I was hoping you would go to my therapy appointments with me. I think everything we've talked about for the last couple days needs to be put into perspective. And I think we should follow up with those couples in Ohio." "I agree to all that, Scully, but I was talking about right now. What do you want to do right now?" "Well, I thought you could shower while I talk to Mom. I know I need to assure her that I'm all right. How does that sound?" Scully asked with a smile. "We can figure out something to do with the rest of our day after that." "Sounds great. Say hello to your Mom for me." Mulder moved towards the bathroom. "Oh, Mulder, I laid out some of your things in the bathroom and left a towel and washcloth out for you." Scully smiled at the look of surprised gratitude on Mulder's face. He was so unused to someone caring for him, it was a pleasure to do small things for him. 'How did he survive the lack of caring from those around him and still turn out to be such a loving, supportive man?' she thought as she picked up the dirty dishes. After the dishes were washed she sat at her kitchen table to call her mother. She didn't want to go into detail, but she knew she owed her Mom more than a cursory explanation and a promise for more details later. Within fifteen minutes, she had completed her call to her mother and finished tidying the kitchen. She met Mulder in the living room, fresh from his shower. She loved Mulder's clean smell and reveled in his hug of greeting. "You would think we'd been apart for a month, not just moments, Scully." Mulder teased. "It felt like months. I don't want to lose you again, Mulder. You mean too much to me. I need you." She brushed a kiss across his lips. "I don't want to ever lose you again, either, Scully." Mulder said, pulling her even closer to his body and gently rocking back and forth. "Um, Mulder, I when I said I need you, I of course mean it in the general, over-all sense, but right now I mean, I NEED you." Scully said with a mischievous gleam in her eye. Mulder didn't need a further invitation. He scooped Scully up into his arms and moved back towards the bedroom. Scully slid her arms around his neck and snuggled unto his chest with a giggle. "Going caveman on me, Mulder?" Mulder smiled down into her eyes, "Scully, I'm hurt. Don't you recognize my best imitation of Rhett Butler?" "Is that the Rhett Butler that swept Scarlet up the stairs and ravished her body for hours and hours?" Scully teased. "Yep, one and the same," Mulder stood in front of the bed, unwilling to let her go for even a moment. "Well, I guess we'll have to buy a house with a wide staircase so that you can show me your Rhett imitation frequently." Scully smiled shyly. Mulder's heart skipped a beat as her words penetrated his brain. "Special Agent Scully, are you proposing to me?" "And if I were?" Scully boldly stared at him, lifting her chin in defiance. "Why, I'd be delighted to be Mr. Special Agent Dr. Dana Scully-Mulder, but I was hoping to wait and ask you when I had the proper accessories." Mulder kissed her forehead. "What kind of accessories, Mulder?" Scully played along. "Oh, you know, candy, flowers, a diamond ring-just your standard proposal accoutrements." Mulder's teasing mood continued. "Mulder, I'd accept if you showed up with a Hershey's bar, dandelions, and a ring from a box of Cracker Jacks! I love you, Fox Mulder." "I love you, Dana Scully." Mulder said as he tossed her onto the bed. "And I know just the way to seal the deal." As Mulder's body lowered over Scully's, her eyes began to sparkle. "Do you think that's what Rhett said to Scarlet after he swept her off her feet?" "Nope, but they were already married. They let their bodies do the talking." He waggled his eyebrows at her, "Speak to me Baby!" And Scully did. End Part 15 of 15 It's been a long read for everyone and now I think I need a nap. I hope you liked it and are willing to let me know. (FatCat926@msn.com) Thanks to Frohike (again!) for all the assistance and the turn on the Stephen King's book "On Writing". I really appreciate friends like you and value your help! Let's do it again - later! *g* Kitty FIN